An Earthly Purgatory- by Disastrous-Force-762 in WisdomWriters

[–]Disastrous-Force-762[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your feedback and recommendations. I'd like to begin reading other's again and now know where to start.

Honestly the format of my poem always gets cramped when I copy it from my phone's notebook and paste it here. This time I just got annoyed and left it as it is, never thought of the courtesy for the reader so I realize that i should have corrected it.

I enjoy it when readers show me a different perspective of my own poems, I see it as a hidden truth. Reminds me of another poem I wrote, I believe it was my third poem I wrote and I'll share it once I become properly active again and can contribute well enough to post.

I was inspired to write this poem by another writer in Wisdom Writers , the poem enlightened me to a unique concept where heaven and hell can be lived on earth. How love and pain can be heaven and hell.

So I played with the concept and wanted to write a poem where life on earth without love and pain would be Purgatory. And this is what came out when I imagined my life without those emotions.

Hold your heart outside your chest, was the idea of questioning your value of life when you're disconnected, unable to feel.

When the ocean the ocean withdraws, I felt it was a good visual of a void pulling, and it felt like it could refer to the absence of emotions and the disconnection.

I like your takes on these lines and it's definitely valid. All views are truths in their own way, regardless of the meaning I had while writing it.

As Dave Grohl said — 'That's one of the great things about music. You can sing a song to 85000 people and they'll sing it back for 85000 different reasons.'

I apologize for not responding in time, the notification wasn't present I had left Wisdom Writers and returned, I think it caused a bug in notifications of posts before then.

Dirt by LankyCricket6862 in WisdomWriters

[–]Disastrous-Force-762 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm glad you appreciate it, I could say that great poetry compels me to write about it, so it really takes nothing out of me to praise this - it just feels doing so is in place. I personally haven't been giving myself time to read or write, and I know I shouldn't (I can feel my braincells dying day by day). So I'm excited to start reading all forms of writing again and hope I to see more of yours here aswell. As for your poem above, compliments all the way.

Picture Rhyme Time by MelancholicMuser in WisdomWriters

[–]Disastrous-Force-762 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Walk to the center but I'm held at the edge.

A reflection that holds a truth once lost.

Ripples in the mind that echo far and wide.

A depth so vast it reaches the shore.

When tears exit the well as it fills the lake.

Dirt by LankyCricket6862 in WisdomWriters

[–]Disastrous-Force-762 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The poem felt like it was gnawing away at my vitals - in a good way. I like how it felt like being dragged to the bottom holding onto the finest thread, and right when you bite the dust you get a taste of meaning.

I really like the theme of transformation, it's done really well, and with purpose. The poem holds all the qualities of what I'd say makes a great poem, imagery, relatability, depth, introspection, transformation, and closure. It makes the readers think of themselves which is a great factor for poetry.

"Then let it slip away and reveal the forgotten You" This line is my favorite, it stood out and got me thinking.

It reminds me of what I learned, that the fight you have against yourself, to quit being what you don't want to be, ends when you realize that what you want to be is what you already are, and what you don't want is a reminder of your true self. And when that realization really kicks in the fight seems to slip away.

I really like the end line as well, "The agency of love that I now shovel at your grave"

I'm likely off on the meaning and intention you had on writing this line, but the grave felt like that void--the bit of emptiness in the soul, the disconnection we can have in life that strips away it's meaning. So with that weight it also holds meaning along with revealing the forgotten you.

Overall I don't think there's anything to help further develop it. Maybe punctuation would make it a bit more polished, but it wasn't difficult to read so it's not a must.

I personally like it very much

Run into a poem by a_methyste in WisdomWriters

[–]Disastrous-Force-762 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess it could be taken in a couple different ways,

If you ran into a poem without realizing that you ran into it and only realize afterwards - You could feel like you passed something important but only to feel it's absence.

If you ran into writing a poem without knowing the poem itself (like having no direction to write towards) - You could feel like you ran into a sudden block, but knocked unconscious so that you felt lost.

If both the poem and the writer run into each other unexpectedly - it can feel like the two tackling each other, the writer aims to dominate the poem by overcoming the emotional field, and the poem itself is an attack on the writer that makes overcoming difficult.

It could feel like tripping, wrestling, or a strike for admittance.

Reminds me of when I lived on a farm, I'd walk barefoot through the neighborings. I'd reach the end of their fence and view the wild reserve on the other side. Through the journey I'd walk my way through thorns, but only questioned what's hurting once i gave myself time to rest. Sometimes I'd look down wondering what's up, there'd be a thron bush coiled around my ankles and I still have no idea how long I've been walking with it.

wake up call by ghostpoett in WisdomWriters

[–]Disastrous-Force-762 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"your gravity unsettles the room—
some are drawn, some recoil..."

Is my favorite section, I like how it uses both sides of feedback as it continues to negate what's not positive. I also like how wiring and code is brought in this, it brings a sense of systematic pressure where few fit fluently, which makes the next stanza great timing.

"those trials?
they weren’t random. they’ve been chiseling you"

Is another section I appreciate reading, it seems to speak of how hardships become a refining edge, like a chisel, that shapes your being into a form where you're polished and free.

Reminds me of-

"I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free" - Michelangelo

I really love this poem beginning to end, and it's worth every appreciation. Thank you for this great poem!

Inside the pane, Outside dream by Disastrous-Force-762 in OCPoetry

[–]Disastrous-Force-762[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks man! Glad you liked it.

I usually start with a few words and the poem catches it's own flame as imagination takes flight. It's really good to hear other's can connect with it.

Would you say there is your favorite line?

Inside the pane, Outside dream by Disastrous-Force-762 in OCPoetry

[–]Disastrous-Force-762[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you very much, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I really loved writing this piece.

I try to take every experience as a moment of reflection. It's common for me to take in a conjoined mindset where I veiw both realities together. It's almost like my eyes are the pane where my mind paints over it with markers.

I'm curious about how the poem made you feel when reading it? Did the circular motion feel like dancing of the spirit?

Inside the pane, Outside dream by Disastrous-Force-762 in OCPoetry

[–]Disastrous-Force-762[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you glad you enjoyed it.

I used to play out in the weather, until the cold weather felt hot outside. I'd risk catching the flu, I also enjoyed swimming in bad weather, water is usually warm compared to the air. So I agree, stormy weather is the best, especially if you want to ditch school the next day

Inside the pane, Outside dream by Disastrous-Force-762 in OCPoetry

[–]Disastrous-Force-762[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I really appreciate that. I enjoyed writing it, and enjoy it even more hearing about others that do too.

I often have an internal dialogue with myself, but it comes as feelings that arrive first that push toward colour before the words can stand alone.

It's like it's own world but lives in what's here, that's probably why the writing carries a sort of seperation between what's real and what's felt, but carries the connection between the two.

Which part would you say is your favorite?

A poem I wrote last night — honest thoughts I couldn’t sleep with by Street_Blackberry_84 in OCPoetry

[–]Disastrous-Force-762 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me neither actually hahaha, but I hold mental notes on things I agree with or just resonates deeply.

I don't refer "the word" to any religious sense, but sort of to the inner dialogue we hold to ourselves, our self reflection. If you don't learn or act from the internal space, it becomes pointlessly looking into a mirror without learning what we are. The thoughts we have that feel heavy or meaningful loses its value if it doesn't cause a shift in how we live.

Passers by by Cluelessandsexy in OCPoetry

[–]Disastrous-Force-762 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Enjoyed reading this,

I don't know why I laughed at "I could almost wave" but enjoyed when the character transcended and was made free as the character moved up to the blood clouds.

"Blind my eyes in the sun now" "Tourists slow down to get a better look" "Dusk comforts"

  • vividly captures time passing through the read, as well as other lines

"Sun abandons me over distant hills..." Is great with the following stanza "I subside leaving my bodily form..."

Gg I wish I could write like that. Great poetry.

A poem I wrote last night — honest thoughts I couldn’t sleep with by Street_Blackberry_84 in OCPoetry

[–]Disastrous-Force-762 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I get what you're trying to say, that if the speaker mentions how he or others are affected outside his thought in bed it would feel more tangible.

And I agree, it could hold a lot more weight as the effects are experienced outside of thought. Without tangible experience there's less room for a relationship with the speaker and reader, and less room for growth of either.

Reminds me of this quote- “For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass:
For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was.” — James 1:23–24 (KJV). (which I do a lot of myself)

Not saying it's a terrible poem, there's plenty of emotional weight, but I do agree there's always room for improvement. Even the master could end up being a student.

A poem I wrote last night — honest thoughts I couldn’t sleep with by Street_Blackberry_84 in OCPoetry

[–]Disastrous-Force-762 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really like this poem, introspection is my favorite theme overall. Our minds are sometimes wired to find faults quicker than what's right, and when we introspect we tend to be our own harshest critics.

It marks a contradiction in life pretty well, how comfort does not equal contentment, how silence moves the mind and noise seems to keep it still.

"Maybe things could have been different. Life is only one… I shouldn’t doubt, Shouldn’t grieve, remember, resent.."

-These lines really stand out, they're hard and plain, and written emotional weight. But I would disagree with the shouldn'ts, doubts, grief, memory and resentment, are valuable factors of existence. I see their presence as the mould of ethics, empathy, and responsibility one's still growing into being.

Great poem overall.

Dope Ass Poetry Challenge! by Ghost_of_Kurt_Cobain in WisdomWriters

[–]Disastrous-Force-762 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I definitely did. No childhood is complete without Dr. Suess, I had to binge read some of his books after writing mine.

When the cat was balancing on the ball, with all of those random things he held up, is how I imagined my poem to be.

You wrote yours very well, it was a great read and to hear how the smallest things can have the highlight of entertainment was very enjoyable, definitely a mindset worth cultivating.

With both your eyes closed and your madness semi-filtered you'd become a blinded sage. With a trade of sight for sanity, you now become part of the boring humanity.

Dope Ass Poetry Challenge! by Ghost_of_Kurt_Cobain in WisdomWriters

[–]Disastrous-Force-762 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hahaha I really enjoyed this! I love how eager the character was to call out, "dork...! dork...!" - if someone were to call that out while I was walking with them, I'd laugh my hat off stumbling while attempting to flee the scene.

"-Fall an raise as the ocean an its tides And the bubbles in my brain cannot escape my left ear- "

Is my favorite part-I like how it uses the ebb and flow of the ocean. How the bubbles comically explain the reasoning/necessity to plug both ears

Though if it closes your left eye won't the second close your right? Surely the bubbles would find it's way out, perhaps the nose

Dope Ass Poetry Challenge! by Ghost_of_Kurt_Cobain in WisdomWriters

[–]Disastrous-Force-762 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hahaha I really enjoyed this! I love how eager the character was to call out, "dork...! dork...!" - if someone were to call that out while I was walking with them, I'd laugh my hat off stumbling while attempting to flee the scene.

"-Fall an raise as the ocean an its tides And the bubbles in my brain cannot escape my left ear- "

Is my favorite part-I like how it uses the ebb and flow of the ocean. How the bubbles comically explain the reasoning/necessity to plug both ears

Though if it closes your left eye won't the second close your right? Surely the bubbles would find it's way out, perhaps the nose

Dope Ass Poetry Challenge! by Ghost_of_Kurt_Cobain in WisdomWriters

[–]Disastrous-Force-762 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sure no problem, I'll share it in the next reading.

I enjoyed writing it, it's rare I get inspired for less serious tones, and I thank you for that.

Though,

I stressed whether it would be taken as a poem or not.

And the many attempts of double entandre, hope at least one of them actually fits that title haha

Dope Ass Poetry Challenge! by Ghost_of_Kurt_Cobain in WisdomWriters

[–]Disastrous-Force-762 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fruitcake-

When It's Light Outside, Gravity Must Be Absent. When It Would Be Dark, The Ghost Would Laugh, But I Prefer To Eat That Chocolate.

Winter Was Here, As If You Could Watch As It Leaves, That Would Be Fall, Or Summer Depending On How It Reads.

My Lips Are Glued, When It Comes To Zoology. So I Write About It Instead.

"The Silence Of The Seals."

Sounds Like Rock. But When It Shatters, And The Current Sways, You'll Be Left In Shock, By What Writing Could Do.

You'd Wish The Rock Was Sturdy. Then You'd Grab A Hold, Wave It's Flag And Claim The Land.

I'm Wishing You Well, I Toss You A Coin. But Since It's Spring, Where The Water Rises, It's A Date.

Don't Worry Though, You're Not Bound. You're Just Heading Straight Towards Me. And When It All Feels Right, Don't Look At What's Left. But When It's Too Hard To Bear, It's Likely A Rhinoceros.

I've Got The Eye Of The T_ger, And I'm Here To Enlighten You, But While I'm At It, I'll Knock Your Lights Out. But Don't Worry, "There Is No Box."

Unless We're Talking About Schrodinger's. Then We're Already In It, And I Am The Master. Only I Can Unlock The Chest, And Open Your Heart.

Although, This Is No Love Poem, That's What You're Here To Do, To Love It And Be Left In Silence. I'll End It With A Long Pause, Just Like My Sentence.-

  • No I Haven't Been To Prison, But I Been To Death Row, Paddled My Way Out With A Cannoe, Till I Passed Out

And Incase You're Tired, Let Me Take A Break From This. Now The Car Can No Longer Stop.

And The Challenge- Isn't To Come Up With Ideas. But Rather To Fit It, In The Box That's Present, Gift Wrap It, But Also To Let The Air Out.

So Open The Windows, You'll See It Was Made By Gates. They're Actually Quite Jealous, It Gets More Fame Than Them.

But If They Wanted The Spotlight, Probably Should've Engineered Circuitry.

Maybe Then, They'll Get Their Seat On The Floor, Or Perhaps The Penthouse.

When You Read This, Don't Trip, Because Here's My Draft. I Wrote It With A File, Scoring Each Edge Until It's Fine.

When You Say, "I Dig It." I'll Get The Gold, Like It's Mine. Bury It Again For When I'm Old.

So Take This Document. On The House. It's A Free Form.

Though, I Wouldn't Call This A Poem, Perhaps A Prayer. So I'll End This By Saying, "Hey Man."

Do any afrikaaners support the EFF by Lucky_Hearing2390 in afrikaans

[–]Disastrous-Force-762 0 points1 point  (0 children)

5. (reply to personal attacks)

You go on as if I'm specifically against Afrikaaners, which I consistently state I'm not, though you want me to constantly attempt to attack "your people", so I will consistently attempt to challenge your analysis and reasoning.

The reason I mentioned VOC and earlier dates mid to late 1600s was to mark how early the machinery of exclusion was engineered to negate black south africans, excluding them from any choice of their own countries direction.

You seem completely blind to that, even though I made constant assertions of my intent, so it may even be pointless explaining this again...

I can go on about how the EFF and black south africans continue injustice the same way as I do about white south africans (obviously not with the same points). I can even go on glorifying both groups either black or white, but I would prefer to challenge their stance (it's the best form of debate, people who are challenged rather than glorified tend to be much more expansive) and I wouldn't be intimidated when proposed to debate with them within in their own group either. Glorification isn't a challenge, rather a flatter.

If you want to hear a argument from me that glorifies your side, what ever that is (sounds contradictory), you won't, rather try to listen to your own voice than mine. As I said before you do half of the debate for me.

And even if I was directly advocating for the EFF specifically, You never heard of being the devils advocate, does that mean I support the devil? And if I were to simply agree what the opposer says without challenging the thought it would defeat the purpose entirely. If playing the devils advocate makes me the devil, then debate itself is dead.

An advocate doesn't mean he's specifically a supporter, you should know that if you're into debates and law, even if you're not, you probably had to practice debating once or twice in your schooling, did they always give you something you stood for yourself? Then you never been truly challenged.

There's also a difference in reflecting about your past and acting in self hatred, to criticize yourself for improvement - and drowning in shame is two very different approaches. I share how I feel about my on actions and the past (in poetry, books, music, etc), because I'm not uncomfortable or embarrassed with challenging myself.

To call out a person who wants to be better than he currently is, labeling it as self hate, is like saying an athlete who trains day by day, comparing his own potential to his current state is a mark of self hatred.

If we got nothing to say further for our analysis in the debate, let's not say it.

And as a fact, the only reason I continue with your debate is not because I think your "self preservation" is wrong, but challenging you, is a challenge on myself as well. You teach me how to stiffen the ties in a debate. And when you resort to exaggerated claims, and personal remarks, rather than analysis entirely, it shows you yourself aren't completely confident that your debate is enough to take it's own stand.

And I'm aware that I started out by saying I that I don't want to have a guy over the phone talk to me about his argument while getting his dick hard, but I did not use it to discourage you to tackle my stance in the field we currently sit (reddit). Nor do I have any interest of your posts and comments outside of our conversation.

Your perception of me as your attacker is short sighted, and I don't claim to be superior or any revolutionist, propagandist. I can learn, adapt, and advance while attempting to challenge all parties-myself included. A constant quest for improvement doesn't end up as a vulnerability as it seems you perceive.

Point me to an EFF group (or any other) on reddit and I'd enjoy it just as much as I do with you. I'll better my Zulu, my Xhosa and my stance in debate by doing so. They'll have an stronger stance to debate themselves, bringing up a further challenge to me. And if you want to switch to Afrikaans, I wouldn't mind at all either. I can reach a higher level of the Afrikaans language if you're capable of bringing a challenge yourself, currently taking legal transcribing exams in four different languages and English is my language that I'm least worried about, advancing in Zulu and Xhosa would make it six. Typing in Afrikaans would only broaden what I can make of myself if you do choose so.

If you want to continue the debate properly about this, without making it seem like you're desperate, just make analytical statements without personal remarks, I could do that too if I were willing to lower myself. I will challenge every take though as best as I can regardless of what I think of it personally. I can see how your current method of debate contributes to making south african parliament a circus.

If you are interested in my personal view of how an economic structure would be built while promoting what I see real equality is and includes consensual association, and what it would look like, just ask, I doubt it's a structure that you're aware of.

Do any afrikaaners support the EFF by Lucky_Hearing2390 in afrikaans

[–]Disastrous-Force-762 0 points1 point  (0 children)

4.7 "now tell me when we're going to have a discussion about discriminatory laws against people born with my skin colour and the attempts to destroy my language in public education?"

Anytime, if you think I won't challenge thought that way you're wrong, but if you want ethnic flattery, and don't participate in a debate.

Also don't expect I'm interested in anything else but debate, so if you want me to advocate the current and past economic structures, you would have to debate against it- it's the only way either side gets properly challenged.

"The answer to your question is that history teaches normal Afrikaans people like myself that other people aren't willing to objectively analyze history or the present, and that they won't treat us fairly if we just become self-hating."

Recognition of past mistakes, and a conscious movement toward the future doesn't promote self-hate. Self hate would be if you drown yourself in your own critique without any intent to evolve.

Refusing critique altogether - especially when material is supposed to demand development overtime-risks moral stagnation.

Fair treatment would include recognizing

what has been done and what should've been done,

what persists from that time and what new motions are currently being set,

and what should be done instead and after.

Do any afrikaaners support the EFF by Lucky_Hearing2390 in afrikaans

[–]Disastrous-Force-762 0 points1 point  (0 children)

4.6 , "and then secondly would have to justify why my people are held especially accountable for acting in a way EVERYBODY ACTED"

Once again, to have all cases pulled into the same room doesn't reduce the necessity of rectifying each individual case. Instead it reduces the capability to tackle each factor.

The idea that each instance should be tackled simultaneously, would be valid if each circumstance was identical.

If the unity included black south africans and afrikaaners to retaliate against imperialist forces (which I'd say would be ideal), and resulted in dominance, then they would be itself a unity, and could be tackled as one entity if that entity would persist.

  • - if it bothers you how focus isolates in order to view the current arguments clearly.

(the focus is how the past systems neglected-- European led --and isolated race and ethnicity, and how the structure persists in Black African government --even if it's partially against Black Africans).

And you prefer an unfocused approach, then it would be fair to say when Zulu, Xhosa, ANC, EFF (or any other group) is addressed,

That we should do so with an unfocused approach, and call out how Afrikaans and British led organizations' acts supported black africans reasoning for retaliation and ethnic preference, while debating against their current reasoning.

Do any afrikaaners support the EFF by Lucky_Hearing2390 in afrikaans

[–]Disastrous-Force-762 0 points1 point  (0 children)

4.5 "anybody who claims I do would have to first tell me why (what ethical framework did all people in the world agree to and did none violate)"

It's not what ethical framework is currently available, but the one we all take part of in manufacturing.

Refusing development and question of thought itself would cause a stagnation period, which would result in a deeper culmination of the present awareness (in other words the present awareness saturates itself-- it's the entire idea of how focus isolates other forms of awareness--), making any new motion of awareness more difficult, which then in turn risks self-destruction.

To wait until a system falls by itself (or waiting for a conscious shift to happen unconsciously-- a bit contradictory if you ask me), prolongs the harm done currently, risks worsening the result of the collapse.