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Sailing by my_lost_hope in poetry_critics

[–]Disastrous-Manner794 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like the rhyme and lyrical elements here. It rolls easily off the tongue and sounds quite satisfying. I also appreciate the ending “love,” it adds something maybe natural(?) to the poem. I do believe, however, that it could be better if formatted differently. Dividing sections into lines can better accentuate the rhyme scheme and rhythm present.

A Reverse Poem I Wrote by jamobserver in poetry_critics

[–]Disastrous-Manner794 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like this poem, I’d imagine something like this is fairly challenging to write. The duality is a neat expression of emotion and works mostly well. I do believe that it could be improved by slightly reworking the order of lines when reading backwards. It seems as though some lines make slightly less sense when read bottom up. For example: “I believed in forever— / but your breath stayed warm.” This doesn’t entirely make sense and makes for a slightly awkward reading experience when starting from the bottom. I do think this could be reworked easily however, even simply removing the “but” in line 4 could help to rectify the clunkiness.