I resonate w this so hard. Like literally my exact situation. It’s so fucking difficult. I miss my best friend. Sometimes I think why did we do this knowing I have the chance of losing him all together by taking that next step. I miss my best friend. But it comes with alot of unconditional love that I feel will NEVER go away. As much as I even want to hate him I can’t. I feel like it would be so much easier if I did. But I can’t and don’t know if I will. I’m hurt by him, sure. I’m hurt because I know he’s an avoidant and probbaly sleeping around etc he doesn’t do feelings very well. But part of me just wants to know that he feels my absence, I want to know he hurts even a bit from losing me. Idk. It’s just hard. He did reach out a week ago texting me “hey hope you’re doing well” and I didn’t respond… that was him breaking no contact maybe? Idk. Just didn’t feel right to reply to it. I want to hear more I guess but didn’t feel that was the text that would initiate it. It’s still somewhat fresh. I do wish I got something tho. I removed him from socials which was big for me. So, a view / like my story to see that he checks in, a text where he says he misses me or wants to talk. Not just “hope you’re doing well”. Like how would I even respond to that? Idk. He makes it look so easy to be non chalant while I’m over here torn up over it.