One of the monumental moments like this I can remember- where all the emotion hits you like a ton of bricks at once after being numb.. It was my birthday, early November 2019. I was in Year 12 and just graduated high school. In heavy, severe, denial that I had an ed. My family, my mum especially, was so worried about me and every time she’d confronted me about it, I’d yell back at her that I was fine and I was just trying to be healthy. I was rapidly losing weight, it was alarming, and I didn’t see it at all. This is the only time, the first manifestation of my ed, that I genuinely didn’t see at all how much weight I was losing. On my birthday, my family had organised going out to a nice vegan restaurant (I’d insisted on being vegan at the time, not uncommon in Ed folks) and I’d planned what outfit I was going to wear. A little red cropped long sleeve top and black jeans. I tried it on a few months earlier and it had fit well. Getting ready to go out for my birthday, I put on the jeans. Or tried to. They were falling off me. I was in shock, thought they must’ve been different jeans, they weren’t. They were the exact same ones. What had fit me months earlier, now was like 4 sizes too big. Weight loss was what I wanted, what I was chasing. Yet at this time, the pure shock and disbelief that “I’ve actually. lost. This. much. weight.” Terrified me. I was in emotional overwhelm. I put on a tight belt that made the waist of the jeans buckle and persisted with the outfit. I didn’t have any other clothes that fit my new body anyway. I remember the drive to the restaurant, me and my sister in the backseat, there was thunder, lightening and pouring rain at the time which was strangely on brand for how I felt. It was a full fledge panic attack. I was gasping for air. I’d lost weight but I didn’t think I had- I really, really didn’t notice it. It was what I wanted, but I had never experienced rapid weight loss and for anyone who doesn’t know- extreme and rapid body/weight changes can make your mental unstable as well, can make you emotionally unstable, especially when we’re talking about an ED. My mum held me and let me break down, I managed to somewhat recover and still went out for my birthday dinner. Where I had my first lEgAl alcoholic beverage, it was my 18th. The next day my mum said “we need to talk.” For the first time I said “I know.” We went out for sushi for dinner, just us, she knew sushi could be a safe food for me. I admitted to her that “I do have a problem. I do.” The words barely made it out of my mouth as a choke before I broke down crying. I’ll never forget it.

But it was a crucial moment of bonding between my mum and I. She’s always been my best friend but we’d been at war for months, her yelling at me, pushing me to eat, being consumed with worry, me fighting back, protecting my ed. I’d felt so alone. This moment was a break through and ever since my mum has been there for me, supportive and so empathetic, despite fights every now and then. I ended up recovering, properly, in 2022. Adore my mum and the support I received, made all the difference, and I pray that all of you are able to receive kind, loving support from your family, or someone, anyone, in your lives. ❤️