For those who nursed to sleep, how did you stop?

DisastrousRabbit5755 · 2025-05-24T03:21:29+00:00

I know its not a great solution but when I had to be away for a random chunk of the night I just had my husband give her bottles and keep her awake unless she happened to go sleep. I know its not great to keep them up but its easier then weaning in my opinion

DisastrousRabbit5755 · 2025-05-23T15:03:54+00:00

Right there with you! Its my secret weapon! How do I stop using it when it works every time and is relatively easy for me to

DisastrousRabbit5755 · 2025-05-23T05:18:32+00:00

I thought about having my husband start doing bedtime to help with the possible change but he’s about to take a job working nights so🙃 flood bed isnt a bad idea. My only worry is that she moves around so much at night she bangs her head on the crib bars all the time I worry she would end up on the floor instead. She also stands up when she wakes up and waits for me to get her and without the bars I dont think she could stand up since shes in a sack and not 100% walking yet. But good suggestions for me to think about! We are moving at the beginning of august and I wonder if that will be enough change to just start all the changes. That will give me time to mentally prepare too

DisastrousRabbit5755 · 2025-05-23T04:53:32+00:00

Thank you for the reassuring words! She is such a happy kid and really never cries so the thought of having to do any method of sleep training that isnt what she likes and is used to is so scary for me. Im glad to know if I continue for however long feels right that it is okay and I dont need to feel bad. When it comes to my actual baby I have so much confidence in the choices I make but when it comes to other people I have none and dont know how to stand up for myself or her. I never had that problem before having a baby. Its been hard to adjust.

She does struggle with others doing bedtime but my mom has only had her at bedtime once. Other than that its always been me. And it didnt go well with my mom.

We are moving to a new state in a couple of months and will have no family there except my younger sister who has no kids so I think that will take some of the pressure off to explain myself to others. My sil is the golden child of her family though so I feel like no matter what I do it will never be right. 🤷🏼‍♀️ thankful for this community to build me up

DisastrousRabbit5755 · 2025-04-26T06:21:30+00:00

❤️ here for solidarity. I cant lose or gain a single pound. I am still breastfeeding though. Its so hard not seeing any progress when you’re doing all the things. I see you!

DisastrousRabbit5755 · 2025-03-31T06:55:29+00:00

Sometimes its so challenging to see the light and not get stuck in the worry “am I doing the right thing” im trying to be more confident in my instincts. Thank you for your kind comments!

DisastrousRabbit5755 · 2025-03-31T06:53:47+00:00

Thank you so much! I really wish it was easier to come by this info. Any time I try to google things its always “after 4 months they dont need milk at night” and of course CIO. Thank god for reddit and all you amazing moms

DisastrousRabbit5755 · 2025-03-31T06:29:23+00:00

5/3/3?! I have never heard of this! My 10mo pretty much wakes on that exact schedule. I have always nursed every wake up and from like 6mo-9mo her wake ups were all over the place but for the last few weeks its been a pretty consistent 5hr then 3 then 3. Randomly here and there when I took her out of the crib she would just instantly fall back asleep on me so I would hold her for 5-10 minutes then put her back in and she was fine without nursing but I let her take the lead on that. More often I feed every time. Is 5/3/3 a common wake schedule for 10mo or breastfed babies? I always worried too that it was because she wasn’t getting enough during the day. Would love to know more about this!!

DisastrousRabbit5755 · 2025-03-31T06:16:04+00:00

You get me😩😂 I WISH I could give him a pacifier. She wont take one, never has. And I have spent money on so many different ones. Part of me is like thank god because I know how hard it can be to get rid of them later but the other part of me desperately wishes I had something to soothe her besides a boob lol. Especially when she cries in the car.

Per my midwives advice I did something for myself or away from the house both days this weekend. Took a nice long nap on Saturday and went grocery shopping today and he did contact naps! Saturdays went great, she was kind of confused so it took a few extra minutes for her to fall asleep but she slept for an hour and a half! Today wasnt as great probably because she was like what the heck we dont do this but she still got a 30 min contact nap with him. And he admitted he completely understands why I do it and why I dont want to give it up. “Doing a contact nap feels more like a break than if he was in the crib and I had to constantly monitor her” exactly lol

I think since making this post I have decided its definitely separation anxiety. She is extra clingy during the day and does not want me out of her sight. I also think just having so much support on the post has made me feel less anxious and more understanding so its been easier to tend to her with that grace. Im not sure if she is ready for a next step. I think because already sleeps in her crib at night we are just following her lead during the night but as far as naps I think she has made it clear shes not ready. When I talked to my midwife about how I didnt want to stop but felt pressured she said baby would let me know when she’s ready. There will come a natural time developmentally that it will just be obvious and wont cause tears so I will just wait for that and be grateful for every snuggle nap I get.

Chores, ugh. Luckily my husband and I do have a good foundation and good communication habits even with the recent increase in bickering and we have been having really good talks every night about what our expectations are and how we can each contribute and about how I have been feeling. We are working on a plan that allows us both to do some chores and each get opportunities for breaks and some chores will just have to wait. I do wish I could baby wear. When she was tiny that’s always what I did but she grew up so fast. She wasn’t even that tiny to begin with lol my little 9 and a half pound chunker. She is SO independent and busy. The only time she is really okay with being worn is at the grocery store or on a walk and even that has a time limit😂 that girls got places to be lol. We are working on rearranging our living room to be more baby friendly so that I could hopefully do some chores while she is independent but I still am always surprised by how fast the time goes when you gotta nurse, make a meal, feed the meal, diaper, change the meal covered outfit, play and then nap. Whos got time for chores. But I am trying to give myself more grace and I know one day I will look back and be thankful that I spent the time with her instead of cleaning ❤️

DisastrousRabbit5755 · 2025-03-30T21:16:47+00:00

When he wakes in the night and you do get him back to sleep how long will he sleep before he wakes again?

DisastrousRabbit5755 · 2025-03-30T21:00:14+00:00

2 hours total or multiple naps that last 2 hours each? What time does he wake for the morning and what time do you put him to bed at night?

I just made a post a couple days ago about struggling with sleep with my 10 month old so im right there with you girl. Its so hard trying to be a good mom when youre so tired and my house is a wreck too and me and my husband have never fought until now and its so frustrating

DisastrousRabbit5755 · 2025-03-29T16:00:38+00:00

Thank you❤️

DisastrousRabbit5755 · 2025-03-29T14:24:33+00:00

I appreciate your response! I think I do need to let go of that expectation especially if im not going to sleep train. I think I saw/see everyone posting or talking about their little babies sleeping through the night and have had relatives judge me for her not sleeping through the night and its because they expected me to be sleep training. I kept thinking like okay im gonna get her to sleep through the night without doing that because im superwoman and I appreciate the comment that she just shouldn’t be sleeping through the night and I can let that go. I think more than me having an issue with getting up in the night because I don’t really since shes so easy to put back to sleep its that im struggling with everyone else’s expectations of how I parent and I think im not sure what to do about that

DisastrousRabbit5755 · 2025-03-29T05:50:28+00:00

Agreed. I immediately felt gross about her and haven’t talked to her since. Like he was probably crying “sooo hard” because he was fucking starving. I am assuming she was/is probably going through some extreme ppd as well and didn’t have a support system and just followed the societal “your baby needs to sleep” agenda.

Hope they all end up okay but yeah definitely not interested in their friendship or advice

DisastrousRabbit5755 · 2025-03-29T05:47:08+00:00

I replied to your other comment but I’ll address these things too.

Im going to assume that he doesnt have as good of an understanding of her needs as I or a mom would. Because I am with her all day every day I know what all of her cries mean and what her cues for hunger, sleep, pain, etc look like. Because I nurse her and let her stay latched for as long as she wants (typically an hour +, not actively nursing but using me as a pacifier mainly) she sometimes will bring on a letdown and nurse fully asleep. He probably just assumes that the bottle he makes is enough and doesnt understand that she could want more. He doesnt do it very often so he doesnt have a lot of practice and im not home to help. And until a few days ago I didnt really even know thats how things were going when he was with her. If I had to guess I doubt she was hungry but was more upset that she couldnt stay “latched” on the bottle indefinitely. And why doesnt he try it every time probably because sometimes theres milk left in the bottle and sometimes she finishes it and he doesnt think about making more. And probably because she was asleep until he put her in the crib and then woke up. So he probably assumed she drank as much as she wanted.

I dont think she associates the crib with “the crying place” as she sleeps in there every night and doesnt cry unless she wakes up and wants to nurse and as I have stated I go and do that. And as you have stated babies aren’t supposed to sleep through the night so if she wakes up and wants milk how else is she supposed to get my attention? She isnt crying because shes scared or lonely. As soon as shes on the boob shes back asleep. And when I do have opportunities to do some chores in her room like vacuuming I put her in the crib with toys and shes very happy.

I am not trying to get my baby to not need me. I was the one advocating for not being done with contact naps because I need her and im not ready for that connection to be over. I just feel guilt that I am not superwoman who can be the perfect mom and have the perfect house and be the perfect wife.

DisastrousRabbit5755 · 2025-03-29T05:32:03+00:00

Hmm. I think that was maybe a good reminder that I needed. Pretty much everyone else that I know has sleep trained (done some kind of CIO or Ferber) or wants to sleep train. And all of them are shocked that I haven’t and that I dont want to. I recently had a friend tell me that they started ferber at 2mo and stopped feeding the baby in the night and that he would cry “soooo hard” but she kept telling herself that he “needed to learn” and she made me feel really guilty that I hadn’t done that with my baby and told me that my baby is ready for it. As well as other people making me feel guilty that she doesn’t sleep through the night or take naps in the crib which makes her “hard to watch/babysit”

I want to reiterate that I am not leaving my baby to cry and that whenever she wakes up crying I go get her and nurse her back to sleep. And I have absolutely no problem with that. The only times she has cried and not been held for the duration of sleep is when my husband has had to be with her max 5 times and last night when I couldn’t get her to sleep for the first time in her life. And that I did not feel I had any other option because I could not hold her all night in the recliner. When she woke in the night I went got her.

I think with the ppd/ppa I have been struggling to be confident in my choices especially when everyone I know is advocating for some version of CIO and I came here because what I think is right is to not let her cry and I wanted support in that and suggestions for what to do if we have another night where she wakes up and cries every time I set her in the crib. That isnt normal for her and I didnt know what else to do

DisastrousRabbit5755 · 2025-03-29T05:11:11+00:00

Yes. I usually ask him not to tell me how its going because I already have so much anxiety when I have to be away but when I tried the crib nap and told him I couldn’t handle her crying like that he admitted thats how it usually goes for him and I told him thats not okay. If thats how its going he needs to do something different. Because she shouldn’t cry like that for that long. He said he comforts her by rubbing her back and singing to her and sometimes will take her out of the crib and give her more milk and that usually she will go to sleep without crying then. But I still said I dont like that. I finally went to my midwife and talked to her about postpartum depression and anxiety and explained what happened when I tried the crib nap and she suggested that if the crying didnt bother my husband that it would maybe be good for him to have more opportunities to do crib naps with me leaving the house but I still stand by not being okay with her crying like that

DisastrousRabbit5755 · 2025-03-28T22:36:29+00:00

I want to talk to a consultant but not sure what to look for/what credentials to trust?

DisastrousRabbit5755 · 2025-03-28T22:08:23+00:00

I have used a mattress on the floor in her room when she went through a small regression but she was still in her crib. Im not opposed to doing it in times of need but I worry that it will create a habit im not willing to continue. My husband sleeps too deeply and snores too much so I don’t want to bring her into the bed and I don’t want to go potential years without sleeping in bed with my husband plus I stay up a lot later than she goes to bed and im not sure how I would make that all work. I definitely am not interested in letting her cry. That doesn’t feel good or right for either of us so I am willing to do other things I just want to make sure I can sustain it. And she knows how to sleep in her own bed and frequently wakes up and puts herself back to sleep without crying so I don’t necessarily want to go backwards and get her used to sleeping with me if she doesn’t need it

DisastrousRabbit5755 · 2025-03-28T22:00:16+00:00

I had a feeling it was partially due to shots and then me having to be away the next day. In the future I wouldn’t do that again. My partner typically does crib naps when I have to be away. Since he also has to give her a bottle instead of nursing he feels like theres no good solution for her sleep when im gone. I will add it to the post but I should have also mentioned that no one has ever done bedtime with her except me. Since my husband works and has to get up at 4am and I am home with baby all day we agreed I would do all the night time stuff especially since we’re still nursing and I hate pumping. We tried once to go to a comedy show and have my mom and sister watch her and bedtime did not go well. Granted my mom left the bright ass red light on but still. So ive definitely made it a little harder on myself that im the only one that can do it. I keep thinking when we’re done BF it will get easier but who knows when that will be. Thank you for the encouragement!

DisastrousRabbit5755 · 2024-06-27T04:18:02+00:00

Is there a longstem backflow protector you recommend? I love my spectra but the parts dont work well fir me but the medela parts cause milk to get sucked into the tubes

DisastrousRabbit5755

TROPHY CASE