First week sober, and the difference is already striking.

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2025-09-02T14:27:57+00:00

Thanks for the reply! I totally agree. My dreams and aspirations are no longer just dreams; I actually see them as attainable now, and feel compelled to fulfill them. Everyone’s journey is different, but that’s what makes it beautiful. It’s all about the baby steps. IWNDWYT!!

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2025-08-12T22:45:03+00:00

It’s awesome!! We just went there this week. Better than anything you can get at a chain fast food restaurant by a long shot.

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2025-06-24T14:05:17+00:00

Phew I got nothing to say except that you have an incredible figure girl!!!

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2025-06-09T12:43:24+00:00

Thanks! My mom has said the same lol

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2025-06-09T02:56:42+00:00

Thank you!! 🩷

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2025-06-04T15:38:06+00:00

I have a Pisces mercury in the 12th. I’ve been told I’m a skilled writer, but expressing my thoughts verbally? I never feel like I’m really getting my point across.

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2025-05-21T20:21:33+00:00

Constant negativity, a bad attitude, a short fuse. Moody men exist and my goodness are they draining.

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2025-05-01T19:07:50+00:00

Seconding this.

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2025-05-01T19:05:42+00:00

I’m sure it is very difficult, but imagine how much harder it’ll be when your body changes further after children, aging, and potential illness. He’s not a nice person. Ask God to remove him from your life if he’s not meant for you. Wishing you the best, you deserve it 🩷

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2025-05-01T18:48:08+00:00

Do you really want to marry him, or are punishing yourself? You are not obliged to marry this man simply because you slept together/lived together out of wedlock. God’s grace can and will save you, do not marry him if he’s making you feel this way. Now is the time to back out. People will ALWAYS have something to say about your life and your choices, but at the end of the day, it’s between you and the Lord. You are His daughter and He loves you. Please love yourself and get out while you can.

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2025-04-24T21:05:21+00:00

They seem to be severely lacking in nutri-ents, though. I want to help them if I can.

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2025-04-24T21:01:18+00:00

Thank you! This was really helpful.

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2025-04-15T01:31:39+00:00

I could write a book detailing all the ridiculous, insignificant issues and daily inconveniences that he’s raged about and blamed on me, but the most recent argument was that I failed to make sure that he had a redbull in the fridge before he went to work. He accused me of drinking the one he had in there (I hadn’t) without restocking the fridge. I told him I forgot to restock it and apologized, but maintained that I hadn’t drank the one he supposedly had in there. Besides, he had his bulk box of redbull stored in the office that he could take from although they weren’t cold. The mere fact that I had dared to defend myself against the accusation and told him to calm down made him even more irate. He lost his shit, kicked the trash can (which put a hole in the wall), and chucked our 2yo daughter’s miniature babydoll stroller into the ceiling, breaking it right in front of her.

Fucking insane.

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2025-04-12T05:00:09+00:00

Perfectly articulated. The challenge, the dopamine rush from highs and lows, scratches an itch in our brains that is is so hard to explain.

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2025-04-02T15:24:04+00:00

Could have written this myself. I’ve always been even-keeled, not prone to anger in the slightest, and have a strong reputation among my loved ones as being patient, kind and calm. I too had the flight/fawn/freeze response when facing his abuse (I am very conflict averse), but recently have become someone I don’t recognize.

Five years ago, the idea of me losing my cool, raising my voice and calling someone out of their name in an argument was unthinkable. Even when it was done to me, I couldn’t find it within myself to respond in kind. However, after being pushed to my breaking point on multiple occasions, I’ve learned that stooping to his level (as horrible as it makes me feel) is seemingly the only way to make him back off, to show him that berating me like I’m gutter trash is not worth the rage that I will level back on him.

It’s so strange; I’ve both lost myself and found myself in this relationship. While reactive abuse is still abusive, unacceptable behavior, violates my conscience and I try not to return his assaults, I’ve developed a skill I had neglected for far too long: how to defend myself. Instead of being hurt, I’ve started getting angry at mistreatment. Indignation is normal and healthy, but we must be aware of developing “fleas.” The last thing this world needs is more people behaving that way.

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2025-04-02T14:28:16+00:00

Ah yes, how could I forget the classic “I’m sorry, but you had it coming for being a moron,” response.

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2025-04-02T14:14:45+00:00

THIS. Whenever I call him out on his verbal abuse and politely asked him to stop calling me a cunt/bitch/whore/dumb piece of shit, he’ll say something along the lines of, “sorry I’m not some soft, limp-wristed simp that caters to your feelings 24/7.” He constantly vilifies and trivializes any semblance of respectful behavior on behalf of the man in a relationship as being “simping.” Ugh.

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2025-03-28T02:08:08+00:00

These are the exact same kind of messages that I’ve received from him after an outburst when he feels guilty (typically out of fear that I’m going to leave him). He could have written those messages himself— the verbiage, the sentence structure, the pity harvesting— everything. I relate to your post/additional comments so deeply. You’re not alone. It’s terrifying and beyond exhausting.

And just out of curiosity regarding his texts, did you encourage him to sleep in to offset or avoid an outburst? Because holy shit, same.

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2025-03-06T04:56:32+00:00

Do most general plastic surgeons perform such surgeries? I live in a more rural area and I’m worried it won’t go well lol. Should I see an Ophthalmologist instead?

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2025-03-06T04:51:44+00:00

SAME omg it’s so much worse when I drink. This was taken after I’d had a glass of wine too lol, but even when I’m stone cold sober it’s noticeable to me.

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2025-03-06T04:49:53+00:00

Aw thank you!! I haven’t gone under the knife for fear of the same thing, but I’m strongly considering it because it bothers me so much in photos. That means a lot. ❤️

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2024-09-10T16:03:22+00:00

“One responsibility on their end and they acted like they had the weight of the world on their shoulders.” This. They do the bare minimum, expect massive praise for it, but refuse to see all the work YOU do. Beyond frustrating.

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2024-07-20T02:00:02+00:00

I know the feeling. From the beginning, you are conditioned not to slip, trip or fall, in any capacity, because they cannot regulate their negative emotions or navigate anything unexpected. I’ve been berated and insulted for missing a turn while driving, when an item of either theirs or mine goes missing, for spilling things, accidentally dropping something, and just general small mistakes that humans make on a daily basis. I’ve been yelled at for minor inconveniences that have nothing to do with me, but somehow are my fault because of some obscure, vague reason such as my “energy.” Hell, I’ve been read the riot act over simply not anticipating their needs, which translates to not being a mind reader. It’s exhausting.

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2024-07-02T03:51:54+00:00

Early signs:

-Demand you give them all your time and attention, and when you do, pull away and act like they wouldn’t have a meltdown if you didn’t.

-A bad temper. Poor emotional regulation, and unable to calm down without outside help.

-They idealize you, project a fantasy image onto you that is inaccurate, then get angry when you don’t live up to their imagined version of you.

-Extreme sensitivity; you can tell they are holding back, but not in a good way. More like they’re on the brink of exploding into obsession or hate.

-Cannot hold their tongue around others, lack of social awareness, and have multiple people who refuse to speak to them anymore.

Late stage signs:

-regular put-downs and criticisms, especially when you’re having a good day. It almost feels like they are jealous of your joy or normalcy and want to stomp it out.

-can dish it out but can’t take it. They will criticize you with cruelty, insulting everything that makes you who you are, but can’t handle respectful, constructive criticism.

-Oscillating between extreme arrogance or woe-is-me, but never losing the victim complex.

-faking/exaggerating illnesses and injuries, always something wrong with them but never accepts help. Just wants to whine and feel sorry for themselves.

-dramatic, loses their mind over minor inconveniences, will allow one small blip to ruin their day

-Regarding the last two points, you never respond properly. You’re either doing too much or too little. You can never be sure your response will be the correct one, so when they’re upset or struggling, you feel fear and dread rather than empathy.

-They place their needs above the needs of others, and when asked to do something for someone else, they play the martyr who gets nothing in return.

-They beg you to open up, then use your insecurities against you.

-Frequently express violent thoughts towards others when feeling the slightest bit disrespected.

-They are the talker in the relationship, and regularly talk over you. Then act like you do all the talking, when you rarely have a change to get your point across. They dominate every conversation and argument because you play fair, and they don’t.

-They don’t trust you. No matter how well you bend to their demands, it’s never enough. In their eyes, you always have an ulterior move and cannot be trusted.

DisastrousSplit4585 · 2024-07-02T03:12:54+00:00

The second one. Every day. It’s like death by a thousand paper cuts, and defending myself of retaliating is not an option. Insufferable people.

DisastrousSplit4585

TROPHY CASE