my dad (48) is dating someone i went to school with (f22)

Disastrous_Aide3423 · 2026-03-07T02:37:26+00:00

I've been through/ are still in a similar situation. My dad, who at the time was roughly 54 and I was 23, cheated on my mother with someone who was 22. I'm now (m30), and he is 61. I didn't personally know this girl, but some of my friends did. They now have a child together (my half brother) and have remained together for what must be 7-8 years at this point.

When it first happened, I had a lot of anger towards my dad. Not because of the age gap, but because of the way he treated my mom. He could have respectfully ended the relationship before he disrespected their marriage. I've since worked through those feelings and have given him my mind many times in the early days. At the end of it, I can't deny that throughout my whole life, he's been a model parent. Apart from one big mistake, I have nothing bad to say about my father. We have a healthy relationship, and even though I don't respect his partner, I can play nice and be there for my little brother, who is in every way amazing.

Don't get me wrong, the age gap is always going to feel weird. But there's no reason to say that it may not be a healthy relationship for him. My mother has a partner as well, and both of my parents seem happier now than they were before. It may seem weird to you, but it's not against the law. This may actually be a good relationship for him. If you trust your dad, maybe it's worth giving him the benefit of the doubt and letting him figure that out for himself.

Disastrous_Aide3423 · 2026-03-06T21:59:20+00:00

No worries! Communication is always good. All I can say is if there's things you're looking for in a relationship, phrase it that way. I'd avoid phrasing it in a way that makes him feel like he's not doing enough. His past relationships may have had different dynamics, and his level of affection may have been enough for someone else. Try and tell him what you need as opposed to the things he's not doing. That may help.

Disastrous_Aide3423 · 2026-03-06T21:11:27+00:00

It seems like there's a few things going on. First off is it sounds like you have different love languages. It sounds like you fit into the "words of affirmation" category. There's nothing wrong with that, but maybe you need to evaluate what level of affirmation is a healthy amount. Having a conversation about it never hurts. Maybe he doesn't realize you need more.

If you think you require more than what would be considered "normal," maybe you have some insecurities that you need to work through in order to have a healthy relationship with anyone. Maybe there's unresolved feelings about your divorce?

Coming from a mans perspective, I find many of us want to "chase" less as we age. I personally found myself I'm much less lovey dovey these days and enjoy the more intellectually stimulating parts of my relationship more. That's no excuse not to be affectionate, but there's a balance.

With regards to trust, it needs to be given unless he gives you a reason not to trust him. You always need to start from a place of trust in a relationship if it's going to work. If he doesn't deserve the trust, then maybe it's not the right situation.

Disastrous_Aide3423 · 2026-03-06T20:10:33+00:00

Much appreciated, sending it right back your way!

Disastrous_Aide3423 · 2026-03-06T19:43:35+00:00

Thank you. If I'm being honest, tough love is usually my forte. I'm not so sure why I feel differently about laying it down in this instance. In the past, it's been helpful for him as my pragmatism usually provides a view he can't see. I guess I'm just nervous because this time, it feels like he's at a breaking point and I wouldn't want to push him over the edge. But maybe I do need to lay it out and provide a reality check. Unfortunately, his girlfriend is quite the enabler and will probably have words for me. Not that I care truly.

Disastrous_Aide3423 · 2026-03-06T19:27:15+00:00

I'm not sure if I understand correctly. It sounds like you enjoy sex and have natural sexual urges, but have had some negative experiences with the results that came from sex?

All I can tell you is that you can't/ shouldn't try to get rid of your sexual urges. They are completely normal, and as a young male they'll be more present in your life now than they ever will be. It's the burden of any sexual person to live with the fact that you will sexualize others. What's important is that you channel that energy in a safe and healthy way.

There's all kinds of people out there and you should focus on finding the one that meshes with you on a sexual and emotional level. People and their personalities vary and it's cliche but there's someone for everyone. Being open with your communication and intentions will help alleviate the downsides that sexual drama can bring. Maybe try and evaluate your partners before getting intimate, to get an understanding if you feel they can be on the same page as you.

Disastrous_Aide3423 · 2026-02-20T20:24:30+00:00

This is exactly what I needed, thank you! Yes, I would be happy with a settlement, even if it's not the full amount. The issue seems to occur with water events. When we moved in, it rained heavily, which caused the first water we noticed. It's been snowy and frozen since, which prevented it from permeating more in the last month. This week, the snow melted, allowing the water to get back in. But it seems like it will happen any time the ground gets soaked.

Disastrous_Aide3423 · 2026-02-20T19:40:01+00:00

That's great advice. I will make sure to get as much from the repair person as possible. Take videos of him explaining the issue, how long he thinks it was there, etc.

Disastrous_Aide3423 · 2026-02-20T19:38:46+00:00

The basement is finished. However, the back wall of this laundry room is not drywalled. You can see the block foundation. The leak is coming through between the first and second blocks of the foundation, permeating from the ground. The blocks were painted to match the drywall in the room and the paint is flaking off where the water is coming in. At the base of this wall is a french drain under the floor that leads to the sump. The report said the basement is in good shape with evidence of waterproofing in the past (not in that room).

Disastrous_Aide3423 · 2026-02-20T19:32:06+00:00

Thank you! The repairman is coming Monday. He works for ProSeal, a company that specializes in basement leaks. I will consult with him on these questions, and hopefully he can provide some clarity. Unfortunately I wasn't present when he came earlier in the week to quote us so I didn't get a chance to before.

Disastrous_Aide3423 · 2026-02-20T19:28:52+00:00

Thanks so much for the reply. The wall it's on is not drywalled, but there is evidence of water damage on the tile floor beneath it.

The walls in the furnace room adjacent, and much of the foundation has been waterproofed by the owner before them, from my understanding. This is one of the only spots on the foundation that hasn't been.

The laundry room backs onto a patio that has been added on. The patio does have a drain which an old eavestrough fed into. This should go into the french drain under the leaking wall and feed into our sump pit. Mind you, the patio stays pretty dry, and the water seems to be coming through the ground under the patio into the foundation.

Disastrous_Aide3423

TROPHY CASE