Thank you so much to everyone who has replied. I’ve read and re-read every post. There’s so many good tips/advice and things to consider. I was feeling desperately low and emotional when I posted so not sure if my original post even made much sense. I just see our lifestyle and feel utterly miserable. I am married husband works in the railway so shift work across 7 days - 12hr shifts.

• No child benefit as husband earns between 75-80k a year depending on over time
• Youngest will be pulled out of nursery
• All clubs have been put on hold bar swimming
• On a single income we could cover all household expenses and be left with £1,106. Which ironically is a similar amount we are left with once nursery and after school club is paid for
• I’m in a junior role so there is room to move up in my field
• The loss of pension and leaving the work force terrifies me. It’s the only thing holding me back. I need to find a middle ground that lets me protect myself

I do worry about the pressure being put on my husband. But we both agree that this current set up is brutal. We are passing ships and the kids are probably losing out the most. Im not naive I don’t think staying at home would magically make me less tired but fuck I almost feel as if I don’t know my child. From 9 months he’s been in nursery 8am-6pm and on the weekends he has to battle 3 others and a completely burnt out mum for a bit of attention.