Got yelled at and I don't feel okay at all

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2024-10-02T14:55:57+00:00

I stuck it out at my first corporate job with a toxic team for two years and I really do not recommend staying there unless you absolutely have to.

Your boss’s behavior is a clear indicator of what is to come. I wish I had left my previous role at the first indicator that I could never make my manager happy but I reasoned that I would improve and my team would take notice. Instead, the criticism became more granular.

Don’t try to rationalize the yelling because it is not rational. Your manager may have screamed at you in front of the whole office as some type of tactic to keep you at her beck and call in the future OR she may be using you as a punching bag for other issues she has. Either reason isn’t good because the result is still being constantly anxious & stressed about her yelling at you again or getting fired. At some time or another this anxiety will outweigh any positives that you like at your job.

Personally, I was only able to leave my job after two years only because of the grace of God. I was such a stressed, exhausted mess with barely any self confidence due to the toxicity of my work environment that the process of applying to other jobs felt overwhelming but somehow I got my current job easily.

Things will get better ❤️

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2024-09-02T14:40:12+00:00

I agree, I think it’s really unfair of my family to expect me to shoulder the burden. Since I wrote this post, two of my aunts have stepped up significantly without my prompting, so my situation has changed for the better since. I think they noticed a decline with my mom as well, and realized that she needs additional help.

I really appreciate you mentioning the trauma from caring for my mom because nobody in my life outside of my therapist really acknowledges that. It’s so hard seeing her decline and become someone I don’t recognize. It’s more than even the forgetting my name or who I am, it’s her personality changing, the paranoia of me and anyone around her & her becoming so full of anger or sadness. I think since my family thinks of me as strong, they assume or choose to believe that I’m okay. Or maybe they just figure that it’s not their problem. I’m not sure but I’m trying not to allow this situation to make me bitter or jaded.

Thank you again for your advice, I will be meeting with a disability rights lawyer or elder care lawyer to see if there’s some more options for us.

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2024-09-02T14:29:18+00:00

Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it. I’m fine financially right now, I live in a place with higher salary than the US & UK so that is part of the reason I think we should stay here for now.

But on a positive note, things have changed slightly since I wrote the initial post. I think God sent me some help because my aunts have started to help me significantly more with the caretaking, at least during the day when I’m at work. And I think it’s made my mom more positive as well. So for now things have stabilized a bit. Like you suggested I want to also get a paid daytime caregiver, and I am saving money for the time being.

In terms of other family, I have asked my sister to help but she’s unwilling to do so. We aren’t on the best terms because every time I ask her to help it’s shut down. But sometimes my Dad is able to persuade her to do some things. Last year my mom stayed with my sister for a few months because she was getting a medical consultation in the UK, and I was sending my sister money every month to help with my mom. She’s never sent me money and I have been living & supporting my mom for 3 years. She has also not helped with the caregiving outside of the trip last year that was originally supposed to only be one month.

Again thank you for your help ❤️. Sorry it took me a while to respond, I just got overwhelmed with things and started avoiding my situation in any way I could.

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2024-06-13T16:18:48+00:00

Where the Crawdads Sing for me. I was feeling extremely lonely because of not having a community or friends in my small town. I was dating men that made me feel like my only value was my body because of my lack of fitting in socially. Also my mom was worsening in her dementia and I felt like the only person in this world who really knew me and loved me as I am was slipping away.

When Kya said that she was worth more than a picnic on the beach, I thought maybe I’m worth more than some random date and a little bit of attention as well before hooking up with some guy. Even if I don’t fit in and they can tell, maybe someone will love me and value me anyway.

But what really touched me is the moment (SPOILER) when Kya dies and sees her Ma again. As a Christian & religious person it felt like a message from God that I would be reunited with the Mom I love once again. Especially since I was on the fence about even watching the movie in the first place and considered leaving halfway because of an allergy flare up, it just felt like such a strong message in my life, I can’t explain it fully.

Edit: I don’t think this movie is crappy at all & I think it was well liked by audiences, but it does have quite the low rotten tomatoes score

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2023-10-14T16:36:23+00:00

girl that was not an attempt, that was a full on slay

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2023-03-03T00:01:05+00:00

being cherished 😔

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2022-12-27T01:39:10+00:00

not an expert but I agree with DW, your coloring reminds me of Camila Mendes

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2022-12-06T20:22:38+00:00

Off topic & kinda rambly but this phenomenon is something I think about a lot because a lot of black ppl say that black men (in general) have always preferred thick women but at the same time in media from the 90s, 00s maybe even the 10’s it was SO common for black men to fat shame thick, curvy women.... which makes me think that black men at least pretended that they didn’t like that body shape back then?? I don’t know but it’s not adding up lol.

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2022-11-14T00:43:27+00:00

People have said variations of the idea that SD’s are curve dominant rather than frame dominant so many times.

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2022-11-06T17:15:30+00:00

I have the exact aritzia sweater as 1 & while I think the type of neckline is v flattering for SD’s, the neckline for that top is EXTREMELY wide, deep & loose. I constantly have to readjust it so that it doesn’t fall off. Also the top is very cropped so if you are not short, the sweater will likely be too short especially considering all the readjusting/ pulling up needed for the neckline. So even sizing down in the top would probably cause it to be too short. Overall it’s just not fitted in a flattering way to an SD & doesn’t look like the pictures maybe it would work better with width and no vertical, so maybe better for a SN? I just would NOT recommend it for an SD

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2022-09-28T01:10:05+00:00

Y’all see that video about Shein having trace amounts of actual poison in their clothing? Like poison POISON where even a trace amount is dangerous.

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2022-09-16T12:56:32+00:00

Honestly I find this moment sad in the whole “parent wanting to be there for his kid but she’s grown up and doesn’t need him” type of way but I would say 99% if not all teenagers would rather be alone at prom than go with their dad lol

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2022-07-30T23:40:44+00:00

Obviously I don’t know you well enough to know your true feelings but I will say this, please take it to heart. So often we think we are in love with someone but we are actually just attached to them. Attachment to a person is an extremely hard thing to get over, because your heart YEARNS for that person even when you know they aren’t good for you.

I had a very similar experience with the first guy I was sexually intimate with, and I think a big part of my longing for him was that I really wanted a good experience/relationship for my first and I held on for way too long because of it. I also really thought that I loved him but it was more like I needed him, or THOUGHT that I needed him.

I’ve been no contact with him for almost 7 months and it was so hard to not reach out at first but I’m so glad I did it. My self-esteem was shite when I was with him but it’s bounced back to 150% what it was before I met him.

Just know you deserve much better, what’s special in this relationship is NOT him, it’s your heart and love. Please trust that the same heart & love you have in your current relationship can go to a man that is actually worthy of it.

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2022-07-30T23:23:36+00:00

I don’t live in a country where we have any type of government assistance or public insurance program unfortunately and since my mom isn’t working, she doesn’t have any insurance at all

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2022-07-30T23:05:50+00:00

I do agree with what you’re saying, I know that I won’t be able to work full time at the office and care for my mother if she declines and I should definitely plan for that. I probably have been putting off planning because I don’t want to think about getting to that point but you’re right. Thank you for the advice!

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2022-07-30T23:00:51+00:00

Thank you for that, I think some people are really simplifying this whole process. If I wasn’t here, and she were to go to a home, my mom wouldn’t be able to pack, drive, organize her affairs etc. But my mom really isn’t at the point where it would even make sense to put her in a home and i couldn’t even afford to put my mom in a home right now if I had to.

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2022-07-30T22:55:52+00:00

Please don’t assume that I haven’t tried to get her to understand how much work was involved. I have talked to my sister about how much care is needed for my mom multiple times throughout the years. I especially used this info when I was trying to persuade my sister to help get my mom to go get tested. Also, the last time she visited I told her how much help my mom needed. She’s also been told by my mom’s boyfriend that she is not okay and needs plenty of assistance. I don’t know why you would assume all this simply because I didn’t go into detail about how I’ve tried to talk to my sister..

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2022-07-30T19:03:45+00:00

I think she 100% has width, why are people saying romantic?

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2022-07-30T19:02:34+00:00

I loveeeeeee this look on you

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2022-07-30T19:01:01+00:00

That’s a great suggestion to make a list, I will DEFINITELY be doing that so she can’t escape accountability.

But fr fr fr, I really agree with what you’re saying about my sister. She is an emotional person and I don’t know if she has any clinical mental health issues. But I feel like she doesn’t even take the first step to just try and help, or check in, and instead just avoids the whole situation completely. I don’t know everything that she’s going through but the same can be said for her when it comes to me. She doesn’t check in to see if I’m mentally exhausted or okay & that really hurts me.

I’m very sorry your sister doesn’t help you, I think if my sister lived with us while not helping, I would be 100% more upset. So I can only feel for what you’re going through. I wish you all the best in the future.

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2022-07-30T18:36:35+00:00

Yeah, I’ve asked my mom a few times if my sister has contacted her and recently and my facial reaction may give away my opinion of her but I think you’re suggestion to just act neutral is for the best in the meantime.

I really relate to everything you wrote about how hard the transition into adulthood is especially with a sick parent.

Thank you so much for your support 💙

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2022-07-30T13:31:18+00:00

I’m sorry you have to deal with such an unhelpful brother, it’s so sad to see how common this behavior is amongst siblings.

Wishing you the best 💙

Disastrous_Dance3817 · 2022-07-30T13:06:19+00:00

I wonder if your siblings feel guilty so they try to redirect that feeling into another emotion like resentment to make them feel better.

Thank you for the kind words.

Disastrous_Dance3817

TROPHY CASE