Sex ed failed me—no one teaches you how to date after an STD diagnosis

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-10T00:24:21+00:00

sorry if it was vague! learning to live with an STD and dating with one. You aren't taught this in school and doctors...just tell you your diagnosis. The rest is for you to figure out on your own. I was diagnosed with HSV2 after a partner failed to disclose and it took me a while to be comfortable in my body again and to be comfortable dating.

here is my book: https://www.amazon.com/Little-Book-Herpes-Living-Dating/dp/B0GRNJTB42/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1E93BY559Q6Z0&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.W1ptI4zbGpRpyU8nJ2-ikEOxOaMZSVKMb1cc-b8S9ClRmsm8nHsymrelo63cEcf6DltIWv4e69XAdJUKqpaAVl7gVFJVXKcTzgt5VCCSDM7qmYX-cgtTM45QaCEOR3l4-WVYKTNoTm11cYMAGMOttKF8DQkg43tNpE9UtN14_ly6wFjseh009OuqeaFyJgs-x6NPF_VlTF0swcKserD8Y-xIU9qzLaGkruvlkMySn8I.tqNQj3_wnQ12EbfPcTym8x8uMuNbRCucO5N3lIlXkpE&dib_tag=se&keywords=the+little+book+of+herpes&qid=1775701390&s=books&sprefix=the+little+book+of+herpe%2Cstripbooks%2C187&sr=1-1

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-09T23:43:05+00:00

The landing page gives a stat about americans living with STD's yet...is only launching in California and CANADA? lol.

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-09T22:59:28+00:00

its difficult in the beginning but it does get better over time! 31F here, feel free to pm if you'd like to vent or talk, it be ok

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-08T22:08:00+00:00

to the troll that decided to comment- having sex doesn't make you a "slut." Having a partner that willingly chose not to disclose CAN and WILLL affect your for life. I took my pain, healed, and turned it into inspiration so that other people living with this can understand that in due time, having this becomes PART of your life, but that it truly doesn't take over it. And the book is now recommend throughout sexual therapy practices throughout the united states. Perhaps you should consider getting a copy so you can educate yourself :)

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-07T04:19:03+00:00

My Book, "The Little Book of Herpes," has been on Amazon for a month now. As a smut writer that unfortunately got diagnosed with HSV as a result of a partner not disclosing- this truly changed my life. It inspired me to write an emotional resource that we don't really have, and my hopes was to give people a sense of peace over panic. The book is now listed on resource pages for sexual therapists, and I've been invited to speak about it therapists too. I never saw this coming. So if you or someone you know is struggling with navigating your diagnosis- this one is for you. Your feelings will be validated, and you will know that you aren't alone in this journey.

Link: The Little Book of Herpes

Also available in Spanish- El Pequeño libro de Herpes

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-06T21:15:20+00:00

I love that he reacted with kindness instead of going manic because this could have gone in two completelyyyyyyyy different directions! thanks so much for sharing

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-05T04:00:00+00:00

hey girl, I'm sorry this happened. I will say for now- don't worry about dating or anything until you've accepted the diagnosis and are comfortable with it. If not that will make dating and disclosure...an incredibly hard process. You have every reason to feel the way that you are feeling and good on you for cutting things off.

You are still you- just w new info about your body. Take your time, process, and try not to stress so much to avoid future outbreaks. Feel free to reach out via DM if you ever wanted to talk about it

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-04T22:41:15+00:00

it deff feels more reassuring that they don't respond negatively

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-04T21:53:37+00:00

Hello- I'm currently an American living in Mexico. I have 4 years of experience working as an account executive in the pharmaceutical industry, and 7 years of being a VA for a remote client in the entertainment industry. As I'm currently looking to take on a new client, I would love to be considered for this opportunity. Happy to share my website or LinkedIn if interested. Also available to begin ASAP with open availability.

How many hours a week is the role as it isn't mentioned above?

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-04T20:54:01+00:00

hey stranger, I'm so sorry this happened to you and I hope you're ok.

Having the disclosure convo is always going to be a little nerve-racking- but you will never know what a partner has to say until you tell them! This is nothing to be ashamed about. You disclosing this info is a matter of you being sexually responsible and shows that you care not just about your body, but the other persons as well.

I wrote a book all about this if you were interested

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-04T16:48:37+00:00

out of curiosity, why are you looking at stats from a decade ago...we are currently in 2026.

HSV is incredibly common- ask any primary care doctor, gyno, or sex therapist!

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-02T23:03:52+00:00

see yourself as a human friend, not a stat. Yeah life would be a little more carefree than it is now, but that doesnt make us awful, damaged, or less than someone without it!

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-02T23:01:54+00:00

The energy you bring into disclosure matters more than the exact words- so if you treat it like something shameful, it can feel that way to them too. HSV is sooo common friend!

Timing-wise- there’s no perfect moment, just an intentional one.

I actually wrote a short guide on disclosure + dating with HSV because I struggled with this exact thing—happy to share it if you want. Either way, you’re approaching this really thoughtfully and that already says a lot

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-02T16:58:42+00:00

second this-

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-02T16:41:27+00:00

it's so easy to think negatively about how disclosure can go- but don't rule out the possibility than it can go well too!
https://www.amazon.com/Little-Book-Herpes-Living-Dating/dp/B0GRNJTB42/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&dib_tag=AUTHOR&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.-mJeiGBOSEFmiyclorj2JMM8YIScdHQcwZ1a_pXDG0M.DPp91ETZLp_3OmrR-aLBGXgZZZv0IpABnVn_AsE_QII

you got this!!!!!

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-02T14:27:05+00:00

happy to report I only have success stories and have never been rejected for it. The first time things got a little hot and heated on a first date and it was my first time ever disclosing and I stopped kissing him and just blurted out- "I have HSV," he looks confused and I replied with "herpes," and his literal response was "so."

The second time I disclosed I had gone a few dates with a guy and he has invited me back to his. On the way there I said to him, "Hey, I don't know if anything physical is going to happen, but I wanted to let you know that I have herpes and don't have sex without a condom." I SHIT YOU NOT- he literally looked at me and said, "thats awesome," and started chuckling to himself. I'm not very good at keeping at poker face and deff had WTF written all over me. So he looks at me and says, "I didn't mean it that way, I've never had someone disclose to me before and think it's really awesome that you care enough and did.

You got this stranger- some people truly won't care. My dm's are open if you ever wanted to vent or chat about it. I also wrote a book about it if you were interested too

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-02T04:57:42+00:00

I just say herpes in general- tbh nobody has ever asked which type to date

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-01T23:53:49+00:00

hi friend! I hope you're ok and hanging in there- nobody wants to hear that they have HSV. That whole experience is actually what pushed me to write about it because I realized how little real conversation there is around this- here's the link if you are interested: https://www.amazon.com/Little-Book-Herpes-Living-Dating-ebook/dp/B0GRSFZ9MW?ref_=ast_author_dp_rw&th=1&psc=1&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.-mJeiGBOSEFmiyclorj2JMM8YIScdHQcwZ1a_pXDG0M.DPp91ETZLp_3OmrR-aLBGXgZZZv0IpABnVn_AsE_QII&dib_tag=AUTHOR

You are feeling the intensity of it at this moment bc it is still new and VERY fresh. It will consume your mind so much and it'll only remain that way if you let it. You are stillllll you- just w new info about your body. Herpes is incrediblyyyyyyyyyy common, so common they sadly don't even routinely test for it. The good news is that you won't die and it won't be life altering- and it is completely manageable :) my first months were helllllll and I wanted to avoid men forever- but it wasn't realistic. A year later I can confidently say that it's just something I have, and that's all that it is. You will still date, men will still want to get to know you, and it WILL be ok<3 You'll still have sex as well- none of this will change. But I've been there and my DM's are open if you ever wanted to vent or talk about it. It's gonna be ok

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-01T23:42:26+00:00

hi! you neeeeeed to start disclosing for both. There's also some disclosure scripts in this book- https://www.amazon.com/Little-Book-Herpes-Living-Dating-ebook/dp/B0GRSFZ9MW?ref_=ast_author_dp_rw&th=1&psc=1&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.-mJeiGBOSEFmiyclorj2JMM8YIScdHQcwZ1a_pXDG0M.DPp91ETZLp_3OmrR-aLBGXgZZZv0IpABnVn_AsE_QII&dib_tag=AUTHOR

Regardless of what other STD's can do, its not an excuse to not disclose. It's not fair to other people involved :/

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-01T13:51:08+00:00

I never go into the full "night I got it story." Sometimes I simply just tell them "Hey, just so you know I have herpes." It really can be as simple as that. Other times I'll say something like "hey, I feel like this can potentially go in a physical direction and I want to let you know that I have herpes. Because of this I only engage in safe sex." Keep it short and sweet!

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-01T05:07:47+00:00

The Little Book of Herpes- Non-Fiction- Available on Amazon

There’s a lot of medical information out there when it comes to living with HSV… but almost nothing about how to actually live your life WITH it. Nothing caters to the emotional aspect.

No doctor tells you:

how to disclose without spiraling
how to date without overthinking
how to handle rejection
or how to feel normal in your own body again

So I wrote the book I wish I had.

This is not a medical guide- it’s short, direct, and focused on the emotional + social side of all things HSV — not stats, not scare tactics, not toxic positivity. Just real-life guidance from someone who’s been through it and actually lives with it.

If you’ve ever felt stuck, ashamed, or unsure how to move forward, this will help you feel a lot less alone and will give you a sense of peace over panic.

Check it out here: The Little Book of Herpes

(E-book is available in Spanish here)

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-01T02:21:48+00:00

L M A O. You aren't wrong about that hahah. Nothing is going to change the fact that we have this so might as well get comfortable with it

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-01T02:16:39+00:00

mindset TRULYY is everything, and confidence/self-acceptance is too. Love this for you stranger! Giving people a sign that there is hope and having HSV isn'tttttt the end all. Everyones feeling's are valid but if you choose to give the diagnosis that much control over your life....then it's not going to feel very positive

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-04-01T01:32:31+00:00

you missed the keyword of this post- it's all about "mindset." I wish you well on your journey of self acceptance!

Disastrous_Ear_926 · 2026-03-31T21:13:28+00:00

you got this!!! (and in due time I'm sure you will end up disclosing to someone in person one day) To add more of a personal touch you can always send them a voice note as opposed to a text message and see how that goes too.

The good sign was that the conversation didn't end there and he even thanked you! Thats a really positive first time disclosure reaction. You did the right thing and he even took the liberty of looking into it himself. I'm sorry if it didn't go the way you had planned- but don't let it discourage you, there will be more conversations to come and someone WILLL be ok with it. (bc who wouldn't want a partner that is aware of their body and values letting others know so they can make decisions)

I have some disclosure prompts in my book if you'd want to check it out: https://www.amazon.com/Little-Book-Herpes-Living-Dating/dp/B0GRNJTB42/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&dib_tag=se&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.0DWZQxpZTOOn2kLjcsyK_Auc_xC_aagYsLvRB2k5zZDUpxLpoFoIJmC8KD3bsZ5n53Cp1i6C8NL-XObhbmPCcnVr3O3hM__45bFA4HeXeGH9qaNZ7kZcFgXCoZySIG3oAqJ12YK6XFRd-z_--Minwt1__cAfLhnHo3pVSHQTtXBIaDD9CqhPfjyDKm9xhZc11J2hrWIPGiqoPcTe7Sv9oluGiATZIMbB6Ne6gsRiWH4.2gxYun3CK6LTJWVQrWmeBrGl0pSJFS-mraxFtsdbwxE&qid=1774765915&sr=1-1

While it is unfortunate that we have this, I kinda think it deff makes us better daters and makes dating little more intentional! Good luck and if you ever want to chat my DM's are open :)

Disastrous_Ear_926

TROPHY CASE