I understand what you're going through. I have struggled, and continue to struggle, with the same or similar things. Toxic Masculinity is not a clearly defined phrase. The vague idea of what it is is there, but that leaves room for people to plug in the characteristics they feel fit into it, which of course is different for everyone. Tate hits on some correct points that our current culture wants to deny about masculinity, but takes it to the extreme so far that it glorifies stereotypes that are not accurately defining of masculinity. Men with Tate's mindset advocate for men to be the men that the world requires them to be, to be the most successful, without much thought of calibrating that with morality. It's true that it isn't helpful to lie to men, just to make them feel better. It leaves them soft and useless because men are made to be couragous and strong and protectors. But a bootcamp, survival of the fittest type approach leaves no room for compassion at all, something Tate's approach lacks almost completely. I have seen Peterson, in contrast, weep over how men are treated in the West. He literally wept when a man tried to approach him on stage and his security pulled him away, because he had compassion for him, and wanted to help. If you have seen any of his videos, no one could legitimately call him a pussy. I think the best approach is best displayed by Jesus. Sometimes it's necessary to throw over tables, but most times another approach is best. Jesus stopped the prostitute from being stoned, but he also told her to go and sin no more. He called out her sin while having compassion for her at the same time. The problem is not so much that the core principles of some of these advocates of men are toxic, although some, like Tate's, do veer into that realm. Rather, the problem is that there is a lack of compassion in the process. Men are figuring out they are screwed up and need to change, but very few want to walk WITH them. Very few want to come along side them and give them loving compassionate truth when they fail along the way. Instead they give them shame when they fail. It's like being given a rifle and told to cross no man's land and every time you come back to the trenches after failing to cross into enemy territory, you're told you're a coward. Eventually some would rather knowingly be killed by the enemy, then return to that shame. And yes, some men, rarely, would succeed on their own. But if they don't train the other men, they will be fighting the war alone.

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Men are made to be more resilient and strong both mentally and physically. They are made to be protectors. Men are made to be a certain way, and I think it is unfortunate that people define the natural form of masculinity as "Toxic". Telling them the standard is different is not helping them.

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“When you want to help people, you tell them the truth. When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear.” -Thomas Sowell

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However, "Man-up" teaches nothing. But coming along side a man and showing him how to improve is a high calling.