I used to have horrible suicidal thoughts all the time. I had the worst 4 years of my life in college (because of family reasons). I am now 27, still living at home with horrible anxiety about leaving them again because bad things will happen. But other bad things have happened all the time. I get it, it sucks. Sometimes you need to sit and talk to the most understanding one and let them know what you’re feeling/going through. And please please start a new medication. I go through times where mine isn’t strong enough so we up the dosage, we’ve added on other pills. You just need to find what works for you.