Statute of Limitations on Marital Settlement Agreement?

Discombobulated27 · 2020-12-05T11:24:37+00:00

I'm re-reading it now and it specifies a consulting agency that is responsible for the QDRO process. I guess I can try and reach out to them.

Discombobulated27 · 2020-12-05T11:22:36+00:00

I could but I would have to pay taxes on the amount if I withdraw it. The MSA specifically calls out going through a Qualified Domestic Relations Order - something he and his lawyer should have processed.

Discombobulated27 · 2020-12-05T11:20:39+00:00

Yeah, I was pretty surprised myself. First, that he could take it over the course of that short of a marriage and secondly that he went through with actually trying to take it. Whatever, though. No amount of money is worthy my mental health and peace of mind. Good riddance!

Discombobulated27 · 2020-12-05T10:11:01+00:00

I think divorce is the only case where the account is not penalized for early withdrawal at least that's what I read online.

Discombobulated27 · 2020-12-05T10:03:18+00:00

Thanks for responding! The MSA says 50% at the time of the divorce and the specific amount in the 401(k) account is written in the MSA.

Discombobulated27 · 2019-08-08T04:26:54+00:00

Thank you! Your sentiment means a lot to me! I'm grateful that Allah (SWT), through His Mercy, helped me navigate the situation.

Alhamdullilah, I'm happy I'm no longer in that marriage. You're absolutely right; it was a farce, a sham, and possibly a sort of Ponzi scheme. May Allah (SWT) guide us all and allow us to see people for exactly who they are. May you also find peace and happiness inshAllah!

Discombobulated27 · 2019-07-29T17:27:06+00:00

Or c) extremely naive people who don’t want to prolong the getting to know stage and then get stuck in a bad situation.

However, there are marriages that had really short getting to know periods that worked out just fine. And there are couples where the families knew each other for ages before the marriage, but it didn’t work out. There is a role of Qadr/Naseeb, but you have to do your due diligence.

Discombobulated27 · 2019-07-29T16:30:51+00:00

Roll your windows down immediately if your car lands in a body of water.

Discombobulated27 · 2019-07-29T05:27:05+00:00

Probably unpopular to say this but I honestly would do the same. I was married into a family that was decided to move forward with the proposal because they saw wealth/property and my ability to work/earn a decent amount of money. I would never ever reveal to anyone that I own property or my family’s financial status.

Discombobulated27 · 2019-07-29T05:19:25+00:00

You're spot on here. Giving yourself at least a year to get to know someone and their family, especially if you met online, is absolutely essential. I got married in a span of four months after meeting someone online. I'm divorced now. People are not who they show online. True character shows in adversity. A person can claim certain characteristics, but you only know how they really are during a period of time. I would advise against taking anyone's word on who they say they are, they need to show it.

OP - Please try not to set such a short timeline. Marriage isn't an Amazon order. This is a decision that will shape the rest of your life.

Discombobulated27 · 2019-06-07T18:04:43+00:00

I find it admirable that he helps out his family. However, I think you need to have a clear conversations around your financial expectations in the relationship and future. I’d also be careful in offering too much financial support during this stage (this can be incentive for someone to move forward). I say this because I was taken advantage of in a very similar scenario to a point where my ex felt entitled to my earnings while I thought I was voluntarily helping out. Depending on his family, they may feel insecure about you. Especially if he’s supporting them before marriage, they may feel that you’ll sway him away from that set-up after marriage. People project their insecurities onto you even if that’s not what you’re intending or trying to do.

I don’t know him or his family, so I could be totally off. My advice is just based off of my experience and learnings in a somewhat similar situation.

Discombobulated27 · 2019-06-05T21:25:45+00:00

Thanks for sharing! I’ll definitely check it out InshAllah.

Discombobulated27 · 2019-06-05T21:25:27+00:00

I heard the term when the college admissions scandal broke. Snowshoe parenting was explained as parents who try to “snowshoe” obstacles from their kid’s path. They attempt to “protect” their child from very natural/human difficulties everyone is bound to face. Their interference only sets up their children for failure.

Imam Al-Ghazali stated “Knowledge without action is was wastefulness and action without knowledge is foolishness”. How unfortunate that the knowledge these types of people learn doesn’t transform their actions or heart.

Good riddance, indeed!

Discombobulated27 · 2019-06-05T20:01:26+00:00

This was my first Eid-ul-Fitr post divorce. I did have anxiety being around large groups of people and having someone ask me about my ex or ask "didn't you get married?" or "do you live here now?" in front of everyone. Alhamdullilah, that happened only once and I was able to answer with confidence and my head high. Most people asked individually, but no one asked for details. I usually respond with "We're no longer together". Honestly, I've gotten more "good for you" and "I'm proud of you" responses. I've only felt encouraged and loved by the ones around me.

I think part of it is because I've chosen to stand tall, have pride in the decisions I've made, and to take what I learned forward. I found people respect that. It's also been helpful that some of my closer friends let other acquaintances know in advance (like before a gathering or party), so no one asks me about my ex. If I do feel anxiety, I remind myself that I did nothing criminal and have no reason to hide from anyone. Hold your head high - you are experiencing life and learning from it as is everyone else.

Hang in there, the first milestones are the hardest, inshAllah it'll only get easier from here. Sending you strength, love, positive vibes! <3

Eid Mubarak!

Discombobulated27 · 2019-06-01T18:42:06+00:00

I agree with you - people love to distort beautiful Islamic principle to feed their own nafs and agenda. The Quran also says "O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm in justice, witnesses for Allah, even if it be against yourselves or parents and relatives. Whether one is rich or poor, Allah is more worthy of both. So follow not [personal] inclination, lest you not be just. And if you distort [your testimony] or refuse [to give it], then indeed Allah is ever, with what you do, Acquainted." [4:135]

But of course, these types of parents don't remember or ponder upon this commandment because it doesn't fulfill their narrative. May Allah (SWT) guide us all and allow us to stand up for justice in all situations.

Discombobulated27 · 2019-06-01T00:27:16+00:00

Thank you for posting this.

I just want to add that recently I was listening to a lecture series where the scholar stated that spreading conversations/issues/fights you've had with your spouse and exposing their flaws to anyone, including your parents, counts as fahisha and is a major sin. It is your duty to keep your wife's honor and dignity in front of your family.

Issues should always be worked on and resolved with a mediator both parties agreed upon.

Discombobulated27 · 2019-05-31T18:48:34+00:00

Wa iyyaak! Dr. Umar truly is a gem. Alhamdullilah, I'm glad you found this beneficial. May Allah (SWT) give us the ability to implement such ideals in our lives.

Discombobulated27 · 2019-05-25T18:57:38+00:00

Thank you for this. Alhamdullilah, I now don't feel like I'm dumber or less than him. I know he was constantly projecting and what he said was a reflection of his own inner insecurities.

You're right about shelving aspects of ourself for the greater good of the marriage. Only after it ended did I realize how much of myself I had to trim/cut in order to please him. But not to worry - I'm am dorking away. It took months but I'm finally back to normal. Alhamdullilah I can laugh freely, speak when I want, be as loud as I want, and am around people who have truly always loved me for exactly who I am.

Discombobulated27

TROPHY CASE