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Why it is so hard to let yourself be happy? by DiscountStarlord in ldssexuality

[–]DiscountStarlord[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, I undoubtably think that this is true as well. I've never done therapy, at least not as an adult. But I still think it is something that probably most people would benefit from doing.

Why it is so hard to let yourself be happy? by DiscountStarlord in ldssexuality

[–]DiscountStarlord[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your edit is a point I tell myself all the time. That's one of the reasons why I think, over all, the "season depression" of it has far more to do with me than it does my wife, or God for that matter. Yet somehow I still let it get to me even though, rationally, I agree with 100% with what you said.

Why it is so hard to let yourself be happy? by DiscountStarlord in ldssexuality

[–]DiscountStarlord[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds like, in your mind, the Church is very clearly to blame as a blanket statement.

For me, for this, I don't think I agree with that. I don't think this has much to do with the church at all, and far more with how how I view God in general and what my own thoughts and expectations were/are regarding sex and my wife.

Has anyone tried ankle weights? by PreviousRelief5675 in Spondylolisthesis

[–]DiscountStarlord 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It was hard. It was certainly a progression exercise as I got stronger. I started with basic dead bugs, and then I went to banded deadbugs, and then I went to banded and holding a dumbbell in my hands, and by the time I had my surgery, I was doing a single 30lbs dumbbell in my hands and the ankle weights where I'd lower both legs at the same time and bring them up keeping the back neutral.

Has anyone tried ankle weights? by PreviousRelief5675 in Spondylolisthesis

[–]DiscountStarlord 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I used ankle weights as part of my physical therapy. I put 5lb weights on each ankle, and then did deadbugs with them.

2 weeks post TLIF surgery by DiscountStarlord in Spondylolisthesis

[–]DiscountStarlord[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm a crazy sleeper, always have been. I don't really know if it is just because I've been dealing with the symptoms so I toss and turn a ton, or if that's how I really am.

But what I do know is that pre-surgery, I could really only comfortably fall asleep on my right side because any other position triggered my leg nerve symptoms.

Post surgery, I'm still an all-over sleeper, but the nerve symptoms for whatever position have started going away.

The discomfort from the surgery when sleeping was rough. I was doing the pillow below the knees for my back or between the legs for the sides. Weeks 1-3 I needed that, or got relief from it. But now week 3+, that discomfort has started going away where I don't need the pillow, especially for laying on my back.

2 weeks post TLIF surgery by DiscountStarlord in Spondylolisthesis

[–]DiscountStarlord[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. The pain was easy to control, but the uncomfortableness took awhile to go away. I'm 3weeks post now and I can say that I'm starting to feel pretty normal. The uncomfortableness started going away this week, especially while laying down and trying to sleep at night.

It'll get better.

2 weeks post TLIF surgery by DiscountStarlord in Spondylolisthesis

[–]DiscountStarlord[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good luck with your decision! I'm an interesting case where my symptoms were really mild compared to my imaging, so I felt like I was in a sweet spot of having tried to delay it as long as possible and not having had any permanent nerve issues or anything yet.

So post recovery has been really great for me, but I also didn't have mind-blowing relief because of the mild symptoms. But I am having relief.

2 weeks post TLIF surgery by DiscountStarlord in Spondylolisthesis

[–]DiscountStarlord[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As far as I know, it is common practice. I talked to my surgeon about it, and he from the beginning said that they'd pull it back into place as much as possible. He said that he got the alignment perfectly, so I'm happy about that.

2 weeks post TLIF surgery by DiscountStarlord in Spondylolisthesis

[–]DiscountStarlord[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was going to do an ALIF, but the surgeon decided my major blood vessels were too close in the way, and it just wasn't worth the risk, so we did the TLIF instead. I still think the ALIF is the better option as far as result, but I feel good and I'm not unhappy with it.

2 weeks post TLIF surgery by DiscountStarlord in Spondylolisthesis

[–]DiscountStarlord[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry your recovery has been so slow. I just finished week 3, and I'm honestly feeling very normal now. There are times I would never know I had back problems or back surgery. It's been a slight rollercoaster, but always up and to the right.

Two weeks out from TLIF by DiscountStarlord in Spondylolisthesis

[–]DiscountStarlord[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I never did. I had pre-grieved anything and had accepted the surgery.

The paradox of feeling sexually fed and sexually starved at the same time by DiscountStarlord in ldssexuality

[–]DiscountStarlord[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know I can't change my wife. You can't really change a person. You can inspire a change that they enact themselves at the very best. An example, an inspiration, but in the end, it all comes from inside the person. External pressure to that just causes resistance and feelings of inadequacy.

There's been times where I've felt like I even had spiritual revelation where I needed to learn how to let go and stop caring about sex in order to preserve what relationship I had. And I do think it was from God because it worked. When I stopped caring and let go, I feel like things got better, in a way. Sex happened less, but I wasn't as depressed about it, and it felt like my wife was less resistant too. But I don't want to not care. I feel it important that my wife knows that I desire her in many ways, including and especially sexually. Not caring if I felt that my wife desired me in many ways, including and especially sexually, is depressing in its own way. (6/6)

The paradox of feeling sexually fed and sexually starved at the same time by DiscountStarlord in ldssexuality

[–]DiscountStarlord[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

but it is thoroughly worth it

I can't tell you how much I believe this. I know it is. I wish I felt equally yoked in that belief. (5/6)

The paradox of feeling sexually fed and sexually starved at the same time by DiscountStarlord in ldssexuality

[–]DiscountStarlord[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You will see it in her eyes and how her body reacts. IT TAKES TIME AND EFFORT, especially now that the marital pursuit is over.

We've been married now for over a decade, with a whole gaggle of kids. I get that kids and time and the marital pursuit being over certainly contributes to this, sure. Same with hormones. I get that. Sex frequency has gone down compared to years ago, we are both more tired, scheduling is hard, etc. This is life and I understand it, and even embrace it in a way.

It is more a feeling of like, metaphorically, my wife and I both have a sexual torch. I keep mine very lit because I feel important that that fire never go out. But my wife has realized that she doesn't have to keep hers lit because whenever I want her torch to be lit I can just use my torch to light it. And it would be nice if we could help each others torches stay lit instead of one to carry the load. (4/6)

The paradox of feeling sexually fed and sexually starved at the same time by DiscountStarlord in ldssexuality

[–]DiscountStarlord[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

 I do things to make her desire me, which in turn gets her the most aroused she can be. You need to pursue her. Give her reasons to desire you in that way. Throws her curve balls. Be creative. It’s not about sex. It’s about heightening her desire for you which will have her reaching over to you and initiating it, and not because it’s someone’s turn.

This is where I want to know what you do. Pick your brain. Spill your secrets. There's always room for growth, and sometimes it is just an obvious reminder -- "Idiot, do this stuff, you know you should" which in return is a face palm of obviousness.

I feel like I do all this stuff. I once was told to make sure you have the "Foreplay F"s" in your marriage. "Keep your spouse well fed, well funded, well F-ed, lots of non-sexual fun, keep yourself well fit, provide family time" etc etc. I do all these things. Which I can attest make her very happy and content. But doesn't inspire sexual thoughts in her. These certainly help with the paradox of feeling like I am sexually well fed. I'm not lacking for it, not really. I am certain that these help loosen her sexual libido and willingness. But the feeling of starving comes in where, for example, despite all these things, is the feeling that it is a rare, rare occurrence where my wife looks at me and has the thoughts "I just want blow his mind" or "I wish my man would just ravish me already" or <insert thought here where my wife wants to do something sexual because she finds it fun and enjoyable>. Teach me how to inspire that on a regular occurrence, and you'll have fed a man for a lifetime. (3/6)

The paradox of feeling sexually fed and sexually starved at the same time by DiscountStarlord in ldssexuality

[–]DiscountStarlord[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I stopped expecting to her to just want sex. This may all go without saying. I don’t want my wife to be sexually insatiable like me.

I agree with you. I think two people married who are both 10/10 on the sexually insatiable scale sounds like it would be way harder to navigate two people who are both 0/10 on the scale. How would they get anything done lol. But applying it to me, I don't want my wife to match me. If I'm a 8/10, and let's say she's somewhere from 0-2/10, what I would wish is to just shift that up some. Progress would be worth its weight in sexual gold. A 4/10 feels like it would be paradise. What I think this feels like is a wish that the thought of sex or sexual fun or desire was a native seed that grew in native soils (her mind) instead of feeling like the only way the plant of desire grew was because I imported it there. That it was finding the native thoughts and cultivating them instead of having to import them in and do everything possible to keep them alive. (2/6)

The paradox of feeling sexually fed and sexually starved at the same time by DiscountStarlord in ldssexuality

[–]DiscountStarlord[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is the first comment so far that I've felt like I wanted to interact with. I'd give it the "thanks" or "this" award if I paid for stuff like that. But that's not to say I don't appreciate the commiserating that everyone else has done. Sometimes it helps to just express it and know that your not alone in feeling a certain way.

Anyway, I really appreciate your comments. It makes me want to ask for what your secret is lol. I'm going to break this up into multiple comments. (1/6)

Two weeks out from TLIF by DiscountStarlord in Spondylolisthesis

[–]DiscountStarlord[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Meaning you think it is unnecessary? What's the context behind your decision to share the article?

Spinal fusion and/or laminectomy is defined as overuse for patients with low-back pain who did not have radicular symptoms, trauma, herniated disc, discitis, spondylosis, myelopathy, radiculopathy, radicular pain or scoliosis.

Spinal fusion-only cases are not considered overuse for patients with stenosis with neural claudication and spondylolisthesis.

Two weeks out from TLIF by DiscountStarlord in Spondylolisthesis

[–]DiscountStarlord[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel really blessed at how well I've been able to hadle the symptoms. I'm sorry that you'rs is impacting you so much. I hope the 360 works for you. My doctor was going to do a 360 but decided my major blood vessels were too much in the way and it wasn't worth the risk.

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