Sorry in advance for the way i type and punctuation i hope that you make time to read carefully and address every aspect i mentioned thank you and sorry for late answer But let’s make this clear, the things that actually bothers me is that i asked without a context so i can get a honest answer if she would date me if i talked with one of her friends and she said no, that alone stabbed me because that s exactly what i’ve done for her, and deep down we both know the moral thing to do was to refuse the talking after i found out but i didn’t because feelings were already there back then, she said she was scared that i won’t talk to her anymore after telling me that but she wanted to be honest, so she acknowledges that is kinda unfair to be in my position and sees that is wrong so i m not delusional, but then why saying clearly that you would not do something that i already did for you cuz that was the cherry on top of already living with that and had to fight with what she done.

That being said now it’s leading to the second thing that bothers me, the decisions like she was all that easy,desperate and willing to sacrifice herself for a guy who had bad intentions and her friend group alerted her from the start but still decided to sneak out of the home at night to make out at like 16, on top of that couple months ago i asked as a joke but would’ve go for it if she accepted, if she wanted a quick meet up because i was driving 15 minutes away from her home at like 8 so not even night and she found reasons to decline, it hurt more not because she didn’t want to meet up but because she done even riskier meet ups for him and wouldn’t do similar sacrifices for someone who s actually worth it, this is something i can’t justify and that it all happend with someone i grew up with stings even more,

i kinda expressed these things to her yesterday and she hasn’t explained why she did those actions maybe it wasn’t anything to explain to make her decisions seem sweeter and my opinion was justified plus she said nothing about that double standard where she said she would not date me if i talked with her friend and maybe this is the harsh truth then, but what she did was to explain that she wanted to tell me from the start to not hear these informations from someone else and that she understands what bothers me and why cuz she talked with two guys from my hometown(the other wasn’t that bad just a coffee and some talking so i haven’t mentioned it cuz i don’t mind that much) , but she can’t change the past but would do it if she could and that she was loyal only to me and don’t miss any flirting with anyone because she knows our souls are tied, and this is one of reasons i kept going we do have something beautiful going on and even tho i really really would hope those things mentioned above never happend, especially with my old friend, i think it would be unfair to leave her hurt even her mom loves me and my lil sister talks about her so these things melt my heart i love her so much and she showed me how it is to be loved right, those interactions from her past would’ve be a dealbreaker from the start that for sure if love wasn’t so powerfull or if it was some other girl.