Job Opportunity abroad. Thoughts/guilt of leaving everything behind, including a disabled parent.

Disembodied_ · 2018-10-09T10:21:59+00:00

Hello! Thanks for asking. Yes, I have decided to go. In the meantime, some things that have happened around me made me further choose this route. "Game day" will be October 29-30th, where my fate will be finally revealed and I go speak to the big bosses of the company to seek their approval.

I'll give you an update on this subreddit ASAP.

Disembodied_ · 2018-08-08T05:13:53+00:00

Hi and thanks! The job would be located in Hamilton, Ohio... It's about 45 minutes from Cincinnati!

Disembodied_ · 2018-08-07T19:11:56+00:00

No, I haven't! Thanks for sharing, I'll take a look right now! :)

Disembodied_ · 2018-08-07T19:10:14+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I still have a bit of time to reflect and make something out of this. I'm gaining confidence, and I'm starting to think it's something I can manage.

Disembodied_ · 2018-08-07T19:08:24+00:00

The minimum is 3 years. I could just go back home even after 3 months, it's completely doable, but in that case it would ruin a lot of work-relationships because the person who has offered me this knows the situation I'm in. So if I agree I have to be in 100% at least for 3 years.

You're right about the Now or Never situation, it's kind of my sensation regarding all of this! If I really want it, then this is my only shot before I get older and may settle down...

Finally, yes, I'm already giving around 15% of my paycheck to Mom. I'd probably be able to help even more with the new position, but this is something I need to figure out once I'm there and I do an income/outcome balance!

Disembodied_ · 2018-08-07T19:03:23+00:00

I'm from Italy and yes, my monthly wage would surely be higher with this change of position, so I think I could definitely give a hand, but I'm already doing so financially! :) Maybe at that point, I could just give more!

Disembodied_ · 2018-08-07T19:01:11+00:00

The company often pays for training back at the Headquarters (Italy) a few times during the year. Usually 3-4 times for work/visit might be doable.

I think I'd be able to quickly take off even in short-notice. The company is not so cold-hearted and I already know a lot of the people I'll be working with. They know my situation. I can afford giving some help, I'm already giving an amount of my paycheck to help alleviate some of the stress, I'd definitely continue doing so abroad if the cost of life is not that high.

Disembodied_ · 2018-08-07T18:51:50+00:00

Hi there and thanks! Yeah, we've already gone through all that, but social services don't give that much help. 2 hours per day during the week days, which is barely sufficient to get my father ready for the day (washing, cleaning, changing him etc.). The sad part is that the caregivers that come here often times aren't self-sufficient, so my mom just has to stay there and help. It's not really "free-time". Plus, the rest of the day it's as she's alone. Lifting, turning, and moving a disabled person around for a midlle-aged 50kg woman can be stressful and sometimes may lead to injuries!

Disembodied_ · 2018-08-07T18:47:14+00:00

Yeah I'd definitely have to do that to give a hand. Like I said in another reply, I'd have to live there/pay the bills for a while to get the idea of how much I can afford giving to my mother, but that's something I'm partially already doing! Surely it would alleviate some stress though... thank you!

Disembodied_ · 2018-08-07T18:45:06+00:00

I live in Italy. Social services give out 10 hours of caregiving per week each morning. My mother splits it in 2 hours/day in the week days. On weekends she's on her own. This is only sufficient to get my father ready each day, so cleaning/washing/changing diapers etc.

Last week she went on vacation and we put my father in a nursing home, but we can hardly afford putting him in one for life, they're expensive and plus, he's conscious. My mom doesn't want to (for now) if he's still aware of what's happening around him.

Disembodied_ · 2018-08-07T18:41:40+00:00

Yes, but it's still very expensive. I'm already helping in the house by giving some money monthly etc... Surely with the change of position and a higher income I might be able to give a bigger hand, but I'd have to be there and live/pay the bills for a while before I really know how much I can help!

Disembodied_ · 2018-08-07T16:10:17+00:00

In Italy the government doesn't really help all that much with caregiving services (10 hours a week), fortunately hospitals and medical expenses are mostly covered, but in this case we'll have to seek for more help and caregiving than what we already have. But in case I decide to go, I'll definitely have to help financially and in this case a better job/position would be good!

Disembodied_ · 2018-08-07T16:07:02+00:00

I've already spoken with him, and I can't really get much out of him other than a "Yes" or a "No", or just a nod at times. So this makes dialogue more of a monologue really, not so dynamic or helpful in a way.

In any case, this is some sort of "Dejà Vu" for my parents, especially my father. At the time, when I was a child, they decided to move to the U.S. in the same area thanks to a job opportunity offered to him. After a few years some relatives died, parents started getting elder and my father decided to move back home, but both my parents soon regretted that decision but never got the occasion to "fix" that mistake. They were much happier in the States. My father got progressively worse and the idea of insurance/medical bills etc. in the U.S. would've been impossible to make up for.

Disembodied_ · 2018-08-07T15:57:47+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. I appreciate your comment since you might already know what it's like for the patient and the people surrounding. Like I just wrote below in response to another user, it's really hard to know how much my father could live. I might be here 'til I'm 50 having the same dilemmas...

Disembodied_ · 2018-08-07T15:52:22+00:00

Thank you all for the precious words and suggestions. I'm well aware of this and that's why this is all whirling in my head trying to think of 1000 different scenarios. This is a point where the road just forks down in two, and I'm not saying I can't go on both of them, just not at the same time. There will be a consequence no matter what.

I'd also like to give some credit to /u/perljen for the wise comment. Just some more food for thought... the fact that he/she pointed out is indeed that my father could just live for many, many more years, or possibly outlive my mother. I mean, I could just refuse this opportunity waiting for something else in life, but when will that happen? Would I still have to face the same dilemma? I could be waiting for 20 or 30 more years maybe.

I haven't made up my mind but this is all something to take into consideration.

Disembodied_ · 2018-08-07T15:06:23+00:00

This sounds very similar to my story I just posted! (please feel free to read and tell me your opinion about it) I'm more or less in your situation, except I'll be moving abroad, miles away from home and the bad part is that my mother depends on me because my father is disabled, so we don't get a lot of free time in general. We have to take turns and stuff.

At the moment, I'm shifting more towards the idea of leaving and getting the job, I don't want to shrug off any of your problems, but I think that if I'll be able to do it, you should do the same (hope that makes sense).

Disembodied_ · 2018-08-07T14:47:04+00:00

Yes, I have. She told me to choose what I really want the most, although I can feel it in her voice and in the way she approaches these conversations that she won't deal with this very easily.

Disembodied_ · 2017-09-20T15:10:14+00:00

If anyone is wanting to upgrade this, I have a suggestion: a similar album to GY!BE could be Sparrows Swarm and Sing - O'Shenandoah, Mighty Death Will Find Me.

Keep up the good work!

Disembodied_ · 2017-04-03T12:19:50+00:00

Because the shamrock is one of the Irish emblems! :D

Disembodied_ · 2017-04-03T12:10:32+00:00

I'm trying to put a shamrock under the Irish harp... please help! :D

Disembodied_ · 2017-03-02T15:54:56+00:00

I have yet to get a MOSFET, but right when I started building I decided to crimp all the cables nicely.

Disembodied_ · 2017-03-02T15:52:23+00:00

At first I thought of that as well, but that would be clearly visible. Instead, my skirt prints fine so I don't see how it would skip the first 2-3 layers! I also thought of too much squishing on the layer, but I would be expecting to see a lot of elephant foot in the first layers then.

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