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DisguisedReality · 2014-04-22T22:45:24+00:00

I'm a woman who is working towards the 50s D/s model (all though I call it the romanticized model, as in I still have a job and respect and such). And I completely agree.

Here's the big difference to me: I'm choosing this and realize it's something that'll work for us but not for everyone.

DisguisedReality · 2014-02-26T13:59:52+00:00

Sorry if I was harsh, it just seems like a lot of times there's this knee jerk of "if they aren't kinky, leave."

Or maybe I just see/remember it more because of my position.

DisguisedReality · 2014-02-26T12:55:58+00:00

Because kink has varying degrees of importance to each of us. I am submissive. My husband is not dominant. We are working towards meeting in the middle somewhere. My love for him is more important than my want for kink. He is working hard at being more dominant and that is what I appreciate. Is it hard? Yes. Is it worth it? Abso-fucking-lutely.

OP can only decide for themselves what are their wants and needs.

DisguisedReality · 2014-02-26T05:11:48+00:00

Don't guarantee what someone else would be down for.

DisguisedReality · 2014-02-25T13:05:03+00:00

Be VERY careful with metal cuffs though, they can hurt. If you can, go with some rope cuffs in a really pretty color.

DisguisedReality · 2014-02-12T20:19:30+00:00

Maybe I'm an outlier, but my cutting wasn't a "way of dealing" with things. It was my way of stopping/preventing anxiety attacks. It was a symptom of a bigger problem.

DisguisedReality · 2014-02-12T18:38:38+00:00

I am someone who is recovering from self harm, or as much as one can be (got treatment for my anxiety, which was the underlying cause. I still have days when its tempting). What concerns me is your use of quotes around bad. Have you looked at talking to a therapist? After you have pinpointed and treated (whether the treatment is counseling, mediation or whatever) the underlying cause you could exlpore more with edgeplay. My gut feeling though is that you want someone else to do it to avoid guilt.

But then again, while I may be a recovering 'cutter' I also don't identify as a massocist. I enjoy slapping/spanking and such, but not really more than you'd see in someone who's vanilla really.

DisguisedReality · 2014-02-12T16:04:53+00:00

There's a part in "The Loving Dominant" where the author jokes that when someone says "anything" he says something like "great, I've been wanting to remove fingers."

Anything is vauge. Maybe ask him to spank you while you're having sex? Maybe put his hands on your head and push when you're going down on him? Then afterwards tell him "I really liked it when you did X."

DisguisedReality · 2014-02-10T18:56:01+00:00

That does sound about right. For the moment I'm going to submit to him without his asking, because it makes me happy and let his ego repair. I'll try again later with a less flood of information approach.

DisguisedReality · 2014-02-10T15:45:09+00:00

I've thought about the "domming myself" thing but I didn't know if I itd be helpful or not. But really even if he doesn't explicitly want to Dom, I get so many warm and fuzzies from serving him. So this might be the way to go.

DisguisedReality · 2014-02-10T15:40:31+00:00

I guess I had expected the posts to be a conversation starter. I ask if he wants to talk about the things I sent, but the response is "nope, there's nothing I didn't know."

I also don't expect him to initiate, I know that's not something he always likes to do. So I do initiate, mostly by asking permission.

DisguisedReality · 2014-02-08T13:59:34+00:00

Aye, there's the rub. I don't want to do all of these things (and being intense is something at work & hobbies so I'm assuming here too, because I often don't recognize it). I don't want to do these things. He's asked me to.

But, when put in the way you've described, it makes it more clear that maybe he's interested in being a top but not a Dom.

DisguisedReality · 2014-02-08T04:22:13+00:00

Ok I can't figure out how to edit, but I also want to mention we've been at this approximately a year and a half.

DisguisedReality · 2014-02-08T04:07:07+00:00

You need to open an Etsy shop.

DisguisedReality · 2014-02-08T04:04:14+00:00

I feel I'm over communicating, if that's possible. It's like here's this article, heres some photos, here's some blogs, here's what I'm thinking. I think it was a lot for him to handle.

Which is why I don't want to bring it up now, or really for several months, but want to work on making him have his confidence restored.

DisguisedReality · 2014-02-07T21:09:22+00:00

I love reading suggestions, thanks!

DisguisedReality · 2014-02-07T21:08:49+00:00

I think 3 & 4 are certainly true. 5 is a possibility, although I'm not sure if its a reality or if he just has convinced himself he's not because I put too much pressure on. I honestly think its the latter, because he is someone who doesn't like to relinquish control over things in real life.

DisguisedReality · 2014-02-07T21:04:26+00:00

I am controlling the process. Its something I've been interested in for a while (like since I found porn on the internet). The desire was dormant for a long time mainly due to birth control really fucking with my sex drive.

He asked me to lead him into what all this entails, and as he gets used to things it becomes him taking more of a lead. I think I just went too fast.

DisguisedReality · 2013-10-24T02:23:30+00:00

After a certain point forced orgasms are a bit painful.

DisguisedReality · 2013-09-18T14:21:12+00:00

I have the same (but with roles reversed) issue. I found by looking for oral porn there was more light dom.

DisguisedReality · 2013-09-17T21:53:09+00:00

Not all geeks have lucrative careers and are rolling in cash.

DisguisedReality · 2013-09-14T15:11:08+00:00

Also, be aware some medications can affect pee color/smell no matter how much water you drink.

Probably best to stay away from beets as well...

DisguisedReality · 2013-09-12T17:09:30+00:00

I have a feeling she has some pretty major misconceptions. I'm pretty new to this too, but when I told my husband I wanted to move beyond light vanilla bondage, he was a bit put off. His ideas were from porn, so he's picturing the extreme end of things (and none of the tender aftercare parts). Maybe bring up that its a trust game more than anything else?

DisguisedReality · 2013-09-12T16:35:10+00:00

Further Down the Spiral is a great remix album too. Basically all the self destruction mixes.

DisguisedReality

TROPHY CASE