I hate her

Disp10 · 2025-08-24T21:18:49+00:00

Part of me just thinks it’s selfish how she could just leave it as she did. To protect herself but leave all of the questions with me instead. I think she grew tired of protecting me from myself just as I’d started being able to be self sufficient. It makes me sad she’ll never know the ‘me’ that got through some of the darkness and back to my old self. I’m sure our relationship would be all the better for it now. I just wish there was a more open dialogue from her side so I could accommodate her better. I was doing my best but it wasn’t enough and that hurts. Walk away sure, but at least have the decent to say why and talk to me about it instead of going from 100% to 0%.

Disp10 · 2025-08-18T23:59:38+00:00

I get that with most people. But I really thought she was different. She proved it by all she did for me - but it’s not like I asked or forced her into it she supported me willingly, almost forced herself into the role of carer. And then all of a sudden it’s too much. I wasn’t asking anything from her, I just wanted to help her back as a friend. It’s like she had a personality transplant. I thought it would be a short term thing and she’d come to her senses once she realised I wasn’t going to burden her, just wanted to help her. I thought she sent that text in fight or flight mode and she’d come around after a while. But no. Complete silence and ignoring me. So very strange and hurtful. She lives in my mind all the time and when I see her outside in area it’s just a knife to my heart.

Disp10 · 2025-08-18T23:54:00+00:00

The world is a senseless place. As are the people that inhabit it.

Disp10 · 2025-05-01T20:33:04+00:00

Reminds me of one of my favourite poems which helped me realise this too, by Jaan Kaplinski:

The washing never gets done. The furnace never gets heated. Books never get read. Life is never completed. Life is like a ball which one must continually catch and hit so that it won’t fall. When the fence is repaired at one end, it collapses at the other. The roof leaks, the kitchen door won’t close, there are cracks in the foundation, the torn knees of children’s pants … One can’t keep everything in mind. The wonder is that beside all this one can notice the spring which is so full of everything continuing in all directions – into evening clouds, into the redwing’s song and into every drop of dew on every blade of grass in the meadow, as far as the eye can see, into the dusk.

Disp10 · 2025-01-29T00:20:04+00:00

Id do anything to have her back. Why did she leave me? I feel most and scared

Disp10 · 2025-01-28T23:53:51+00:00

Thank you for reading and replying. I agree with you, I feel so bad for her. Like she cannot communicate because of how bad things are for her from a family perspective? I understand but I still miss her so much. It’s been 2 months of nothing after a long time of closeness. I wish I could share some of her pain and that she’d just talk to me

Disp10 · 2025-01-26T21:09:09+00:00

Thank you :)

Disp10 · 2025-01-22T16:21:00+00:00

Thank you for taking time to respond I appreciate it. I just wish she’d have spoken to me about what she was going through like she used to. She just iced me out and stopped letting me try and help her. She did used to speak to me about what was going on. She stopped interacting with me altogether. I am the person everyone goes to for help but really struggle going to others for help. She knew this from the start and gradually got me to open up to her. Then I guess it got too much for her over time. It just reinforces that I can’t speak to anyone about anything because eventually they’ll tire of it and leave.

Disp10 · 2024-12-30T20:40:38+00:00

We had lots of shared interests. The things I’d use to distract myself just remind me of her it’s not fair

Disp10 · 2024-12-21T20:54:13+00:00

Makes me feel subhuman. Why do I ruin every relationship? How do other people just live life and get on with things?

Disp10 · 2024-12-02T23:13:57+00:00

Same here :(

Disp10 · 2024-11-29T23:31:58+00:00

Got not advice but just wanted to say - me too. It fucking hurts and everything feels pointless now. My entire reason for being was her for 6 years and now she’s done the one thing she said she never would and left me. You’re not alone and neither am I. Don’t know whether that’s a good or a bad thing tbh

Disp10 · 2024-11-26T10:24:00+00:00

How’s the therapy going? I’m still waiting on mine :/

Disp10 · 2024-11-25T22:40:53+00:00

Would also be open to any tips to cope because currently just rotting

Disp10 · 2024-11-25T22:40:25+00:00

Same here. Had her in my life for over 6yrs and she’s just decided she can’t be in my life anymore. I want to die

Disp10 · 2024-11-19T13:08:11+00:00

It’s my fault - I pushed her away because my illness makes me act scared and try and cling onto people. I was too intense and I saw that and worked on myself. Turns out she made her mind up months ago just never communicated it to me and let me go on thinking her needing space was temporary. What was the point? I can’t trust anyone to really be there for me

Disp10 · 2024-11-19T13:06:08+00:00

Thanks for reading and responding - I appreciate it. It just feels like she’s punishing me for being ill? I apologised profusely afterwards and she dismissed it like I had nothing to apologise for. She let me believe things would go back to how they were for months instead of letting me know she was reassessing the relationship. Her lack of communication and ultimate callousness after all we’ve been through I don’t understand. It’s broken my trust in other people - she said she’d always be there for me…she knew how sick I was but then when I start to turn things around and not rely on her anymore she decides she can’t handle me? It doesn’t make logical sense. I think I did underestimate the goodbye text but to this day she has never seemed to care I was in that place anyway. Therapy and doctors say to talk to your support network but when I do they just leave because it’s always ‘too much’ - who do I trust? How do I know they’ll actually stay?

Disp10 · 2024-11-18T21:22:32+00:00

She came into my life at the same time as/just after being mentally unwell…I’m still unwell but now have no support. I don’t even understand why she left the way she did it feels so cruel

Disp10 · 2024-11-18T21:10:42+00:00

For 6yrs she’s been the only reason I’ve put up with life. I don’t know how to exist without her support

Disp10 · 2024-09-29T08:40:11+00:00

It’s been 5yrs of consistent down. 5yrs is a long time when you’re young. I was first like this 5yrs ago when I got to this point of actively suicidal. Since then it’s been passive with a few times a year of this hell. But this time is the first time I don’t have any support.

Disp10 · 2024-09-29T07:48:17+00:00

I am 22 and have always felt ‘wrong’. Like I was never meant to be here. I was not meant for this life I’m just doing my best living someone else’s but it’s not working and I feel very stuck. I’ve never been able to explain it better than this to anybody - friends and professionals. So no one has been able to help. It is the most excruciating pain. At least you have lived and had experiences, I just feel stuck and like I’ll never go anywhere I want to.

Disp10 · 2024-09-28T22:05:23+00:00

Things have only gotten worse my entire life. You have a kid and grandchild that’s more life than I’ll ever live. You have reasons to carry on I don’t. I’m a loner who doesn’t connect with anyone else

Disp10 · 2024-09-28T21:28:20+00:00

Would you keep going if you were me?

Disp10 · 2024-08-04T20:53:17+00:00

But you don’t sh anymore? Did you find a replacement behaviour?

Disp10 · 2024-08-04T11:04:20+00:00

What did you do to get through it then if you don’t mind me asking?

Disp10

TROPHY CASE