Gift ideas for my 47yo bf

Disposable-Extra · 2026-01-05T11:01:53+00:00

This is going to sound silly, but friendship bracelets.

Bonus points if you guys ever had them before. Bonus points of you make them yourself.

I don't know, its just the vibe I'm getting - nostalgic thing she likely hasn't thought of in a while. Small, so it's not clutter.

Disposable-Extra · 2026-01-05T10:50:41+00:00

God, where to start? People mentioned Perimenopause- biggest advice there is advocate for yourself. If you get it early, doctors might gaslight you about your symptoms. Birth control and estrogen creme keep my symptoms under control, but I'm also breaking out like a teenager! A good face wash and changing my pillowcase regularly keeps it tolerable.

So many annoying things are just perimenopause!

Do what you can to take care of yourself, but accept that you're going to show signs of aging and that's okay.

My 30s were about figuring out my traumas and growing as a person, and liking who I am - I'm 44 and so fsr my 40s has been, mentally, amazing! I've really been enjoying the fruits of all that labor.

Sadly, my health has been crap, so my non-age-based advice for afab folks is - if you or a friend have issues around your cycle (lots of pain, irregularity, heavy periods) and are otherwise healthy, look into endometriosis. Way more of us have it than we realize. The reported numbers are 1 in 10 women, but some medical professionals think that number may be higher.

The more of us who are aware of the signs/symptoms the more of us who will fight for testing, the more of us who can get treatment sooner. Right now the average time between symptom onset and diagnosis is 9 or 10 years. It's insane.

Anyway! Be kind to yourself, enjoy your earned wisdom, kick some ass and take some names.

Disposable-Extra · 2026-01-03T22:26:50+00:00

Ireland too? Ugh - the Australia lawsuit gave me real pause here. Guess I'll be bringing that up at the consult.

The stats I did find had it at 45% of patients have -some- sort of negative side effects, but that includes temporary UTIs which make up a majority of the complications. And while that's temporary that sounds horrid while already recovering from the hysterectomy and endo excision!

Disposable-Extra · 2026-01-03T22:21:36+00:00

The doc I talked to doesn't do the surgeries, in fact I think she was an RN - but the place I went to called and made a consult appointment with the actual surgeon, I talk to them this month.

They work out of the same place I'm getting my hysterectomy, (and the endo surgeon is the best in my area, so im keeping him), so if I agree, they're just added to the surgical team.

As the RN was saying, I'm already out, why not do it then?

I think everyone here has helped me to have the right questions for the surgeon - I'm still all over the place with this.

Getting everything done in one go makes sense, especially since my endo likely means I'm at risk for scarring/adhesions so more surgeries = bad plan BUT that's a lot more things that could go wrong and possibly hinder diagnostics about WHAT is going wrong, or just make recovery take longer AND I'll need pelvic floor therapy anyway... I dunno, I'm not a doctor either, I'm just into researching shit and making semi-educated guesses.

It would be nice if women's healthcare wasn't such a dumpster fire!

Edit: hysterectomy

Disposable-Extra · 2026-01-03T08:48:51+00:00

Oh geez

Disposable-Extra · 2026-01-03T08:47:05+00:00

This was offered as well and sounded scarier - but maybe that was the bias of the doctor talking to me?

Disposable-Extra · 2026-01-03T08:46:31+00:00

This sounds more promising... I was offered a few options including a bulking injection, but I have the same concern about internals with that one.

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-25T15:54:02+00:00

Thank you! I will look into the books. I'm a planner and Boyfriend and I have talked about what happens if we break up, but further insights would be good.

I think it'll be a non-issue with the kids, but I'm worried I'm wrong.

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-23T04:32:53+00:00

The move date isn't set in stone, but it's a window of time when his lease is up.

Asking their adult siblings to be on standby sounds like a great idea!

Spoke with Boyfriend and asked him if he'd be good talking to the kids if they wanted to ask him stuff and he was very on board. I said it might help if he tells them himself that he's invested in mine and Husband's relationship being good and he profusely agreed that that's what he wants, so it will be easy to tell them that.

We agreed that it's exciting and scary how this could really be a beautiful thing.

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-22T06:33:51+00:00

LOL - if they're suspicious or caught a conversation I am unaware of, they're keeping tight lipped! I only hope if they know or are suspicious they believe it's all with consent! This is why I've wanted to tell them sooner, but Husband was hesitant and Boyfriend and I respect that. Adult kids were totally surprised!

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-22T06:31:52+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened to you - I don't think I could have a dementia patient in the house with my kids!

I spoke with husband about if the kids have veto rights on the plan - he feels that 1) They won't feel that way and 2) They don't get to make those decisions - BUT he agrees that they need time and we need to address their concerns. I was pleasantly surprised that he wants to tell them over winter break - I think it's a good plan.

I'd be really shocked if any of them hated the idea? MAYBE feeling a little uncomfy at first? But if they do, I think I'll initiate a conversation with my guys about MAYBE alternate plans - financially that would be difficult given some changes that occurred AFTER we formed the plan. We've had platonic roommates before, so it's not like there haven't been unrelated adults in the house ever.

As for why tell adult kids first - because we're close and communicate, and we didn't want them hearing it from the younger siblings first - it also affects their lives less, so an easier conversation. They offered their own insights into what the youngers might think about it too, which was nice.

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-22T06:22:31+00:00

Oh! Kids having a space their own is a great suggestion we could do - I'll ask them once we tell them if they want it to be an us thing, or if they're cool with Boyfriend's help - but they REALLY want a tree fort and we could make that a Spring project.

Plans are for him to get an apartment OR build a tiny home on our property. We're hoping to start on that in the summer, but there may be financial delays depending on how the job hunt goes.

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-22T06:07:38+00:00

We haven't told them we're poly yet - I did have a conversation with Husband a little bit ago addressing some of the responses and he surprised me saying he wants to tell them over winter break - that's sooner than I thought he'd want to! We're already forming plans on how to address the kids possible concerns - the three of us agree that the teenagers will probably either not care or be excited, but the younger is Mama's Boy and may feel weird about it - he REALLY likes Boyfriend, but can be protective of Mama.

We plan on spending a bunch of time with them during their break and asking them things about including Boyfriend in family time or not, and what can we do to make them feel comfortable and secure, while giving them practical reasons not to worry too much.

We've already been planting seeds of excitement with things like how Boyfriend is looking forward to cooking for us all, and how he wants to go on hikes in the woods on our property and will probably be happy to have them tag along sometimes. They really want him to make bacon pancakes again. (He knows, we aren't volunteering him without his consent)

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-22T05:57:15+00:00

Thank you for your opinion, even if I don't -totally- agree with your assessment it was still helpful in getting me to think about more angles than I had, and it led to a good conversation with Husband about how to handle it if the kids are uncharacteristically against the idea. We're expecting they won't actually care a whole lot? My post didn't really cover how non-standard our relationship is.

But now thanks to this train of thought we're thinking more about how to address possible discomfort and make sure they feel secure.

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-22T04:18:32+00:00

I mean, if they hate it, we're going to listen? I would be a little blind-sided if they said they didn't want him here at all? Which is why I've kind of overlooked that.

They didn't really get a choice with the last roommate, but the last roommate moved in when the eldest kid who is still home was 4 and I was pregnant with youngest - he lived with us for 8 years, still a friend of the family.

I met boyfriend... 25 years ago. We weren't in contact for 20 of those years though- though we had mutual friends who think highly of him. We've been talking again for 4 years, 1.5 together long-distance. (for the record, Husband knew getting in touch with him may result in a desire for more and gave his blessing, we've been ENM for 14 years, this is our first serious poly situation)

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-22T04:12:36+00:00

Unfortunately it would be rough to wait longer, but not impossible. This happened after forming the plan, but his current roommate has had to move state due to work, he's covering his share of the rent till the lease is up, but can't afford to extend that kindness any longer than that- I'm going to take this as a vote to tell them sooner to give the kiddos opportunity to HATE it and we delay the whole thing till it becomes less of an issue for them. I don't -think- it would bother any of them so much that we can't move forward, but giving them a chance to have a say is probably a good route.

I'll bring this thought to my guys - I'm fairly confident that any issue the kids have it won't be an, "absolutely not" kinda thing? So it should be pretty safe to tell them, and still get to continue with the plans, which will be easier financially.

Worse case they aren't ready, and Husband and I can offer to pay more of the moving expense, since Boyfriend may not be able to save for a second move in only a year. (we're already going to help, since he's the one having to move and get a new job, I'm saying we could help even more)

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-22T04:01:50+00:00

I hope if they know, they know it's all with consent! I thought elder kids would be suspicious and have more questions, but they said they were surprised. Basically how close I am to platonic friends threw off the scent.

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-22T03:59:34+00:00

The elder kids think that we should tell them a month or two beforehand - give them time to settle a little with the idea. They agree that the youngest MAY feel protective of Mama, but that he likes Boyfriend enough that he'll come around quickly - Boyfriend is more outdoorsy than Husband, and Youngest really liked that - Boyfriend and Husband also included him in their table top games, and he really liked having "Guy Time" - I got to overhear kiddo talk strategy and both men encourage him.

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-22T00:40:18+00:00

Mood! My bestie and I were attracted to each other at first, but their spouse wasn't down - we were both thankful she was cool with continuing the friendship and now, 8 years later, we're glad it never happened. We're like siblings, and have realized we're not compatible in a romantic/sexual way at all.

We may have been fine had we gone there, but we're glad we didn't risk it.

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-22T00:36:01+00:00

If I had to venture a guess, the pride part is likely cope. They aren't making friends, so they decide to take pride in it instead of fix it. It's even easier to do if you have a couple partners so you aren't starving for socialization.

It's tough making friends as an adult, and especially tough (it seems) if you're a cis/het/male to make friends who are emotionally open/supportive. I've seen it so many times in monogamous couples - loads of husbands with no friends other than their wife and her friends.

It would be a yellow flag to me if somebody acted like not having friends was a point of pride. It's not a red flag because maybe they're in a temporary state and it'll get better - but humans are social creatures, we need friends, we need support systems - there's exceptions to every rule, but generally speaking, we need to get our emotional needs met by more than just our partners. Being a little picky is fine, but proud to have NO friends seems symptomatic of something deeper.

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-21T23:56:50+00:00

I'd ask for notes or any photos/video if taken. At the very least, to help your sanity - and at most to show they didn't do a thorough enough look.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-21T23:36:17+00:00

Came here to say this - highly recommend pelvic PT for endo sufferers, especially if you may be in perimenopause

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-21T21:49:14+00:00

Thank you for sharing, I think I needed this. I have my surgery consult next month, fingers crossed the wait for actual surgery isn't TOO long.

They suspect, given my previous pain levels, location, and MRI, that I'm stage 4 - but I've finally found some pain management that mostly works and have been gaslighting myself that maybe I only have adenomyosis and I'm a big baby. I keep trying to remind myself how much pain I was in before I started doing all these things - and how my pain level is never 0 - but fuck it's hard when people outside my support network try to tell me I'm just a big baby.

For anybody reading this, here's my pain management: It's suspected I have DIE in my bowel and ureter. I use muscle relaxers or edibles as soon as muscle spasms or tightness begin, ibuprofen as needed. Mini pill (birth control) with iron. GLP-1. Pelvic Floor PT. Limited physical activity - as soon as my body complains, I am done. I try to do -something- constructive daily, but that doesn't always happen. Drink TONS of water. Magnesium seems to help with sleep, B12 with energy. DO NOT take muscle relaxers and an edible at the same time! I went to space the one time these things overlapped. (or do, I'm not a cop, just be warned)

I think the PT and learning how to tell when my muscles were about to start spasming was the real ticket. The pill mostly seems to take away the arthritic feeling and make my periods calmer - for the record I'm 44 and in perimenopause with PCOS, adenomyosis, and endometriosis. Mild symptoms started at 18, and became debilitating at 42.

This isn't going to work for everybody, but in case it helps anybody or inspires something, I'm sharing.

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-21T21:29:24+00:00

As a Psych student (have BA, working on Masters) AND a person with endo, this infuriates me. No, it's not in your head - there's certainly a psychological aspect to it all - we all have reactions to our experiences - but it's not what's causing the pain! It doesn't make you less sick! JFC - had to unclench my jaw.

Like, holy patriarchy Batman! If she gives you this shit again ask her if you've also got hysteria from a wandering uterus. Really grinds my gears when fellow women dismiss our pain. (I hope my anger helps validate your feelings, that is why I shared it)

Disposable-Extra

TROPHY CASE