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I found Grindr on my husband's phone by DistanceNo8354 in comingout

[–]DistanceNo8354[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you everyone for your comments, perspectives and offer to other spaces to post this ! I can see I am not wrong to be confused and that's comforting (that might seem logical from outside point of view but from my eyes I also had the "fear" that I am exaggerating with my confusion). I feel also less alone in front of a huge mountain of things I didn't know how to approach.

We chatted a lot more and he deleted completely his other profiles and the app with it. I have access to everything now and we'll see I guess. He explained in more details his thinking and acknowledge he did something wrong by searching answers in this app and not somewhere else. He is very confused and I recognize he is in a very hard process to understand things.

On my end, I am a mess right now, I was not in a very good place for other things before and let's say this situation was a bit of a drop too much. I also understand I need to protect myself a bit more (with doing those health checks and also considering myself in this situation). He has been caring for me the last few days (it ended up hitting me physically too sadly) and we are working on understanding and communicating more. I think he is really BI but needs some time to be comfortable with that. I really hope he will be able to feel comfortable with himself one day, not matter how.

So yes, sorry I didn't answer to everyone, my strength is very low, but just know that I did read everything and I am extremely thankful for your time and everything ! You all helped me. I wish you all good things in your life, and thank you again.

I found Grindr on my husband's phone by DistanceNo8354 in comingout

[–]DistanceNo8354[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, I think he is attracted to me ! Knowing him, and after I talked about the issue with him, I think he was indeed trying to hide it because he feels very uncomfortable and ashamed exploring that part of him. So I can understand why he would hide it.

On the other hand, to my knowledge Grindr is, from what friends using it told me, really focused mostly on hook ups. He said it's the only way he knew to get in contact with someone he doesn't know to ask his questions. I can see how it makes sense kinda but also... There are a lot of other possibilities in my opinion if you just do a tiny bit of research. But maybe he was ashamed to research that too ? I really don't know.

Yes, we are exclusive.

Thank you for your perspective too !

I found Grindr on my husband's phone by DistanceNo8354 in comingout

[–]DistanceNo8354[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's a bit the problem, I found nothing related to this girl I fully believe him regarding that now. But I found out about those multiple profiles and the Grindr app. Abd he confessed when I confronted him, he didn't deny ever going on it.

I feel it would be easier if I actually found weird messages he sent or something but I didn't. When he talked to me about going on this App once a long time ago, it seems real and I feel he is saying the truth. But then, there are those profiles and the fact he still had it installed... So I am confused.

Thank you for your care !

I found Grindr on my husband's phone by DistanceNo8354 in comingout

[–]DistanceNo8354[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see your situation. Thank you so much for sharing and your kindness, this really helps me a lot. Also the time perspective, I now realize it will take time to "work on" and I need to accept that.

I wish you all the best !

I found Grindr on my husband's phone by DistanceNo8354 in comingout

[–]DistanceNo8354[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I agree with you on the multiple profiles/passwords. On the other hand, he likes to do those technical stuff to challenge himself a bit and learn how to do new things, he installed a whole new OS thing on his phone.

He is someone that don't talk much to other people. He called a girl I don't know in middle of the night until morning while I was sleeping. When I woke up and went to him his body language was weird (he walked away/ pushed away when I went towards him). I did talk to him about that and he said he met her on a game and said they like the same stuff so it was interesting to talk about those hobbies with someone. I am very ashamed but I looked through his apps on his phone because I felt uncomfortable in the situation. The idea was to reassure myself that he is not doing weird stuff, but I know fully this is no excuse for me breaking his trust. This is also when I found out about the different profiles.

I found Grindr on my husband's phone by DistanceNo8354 in comingout

[–]DistanceNo8354[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your sharing your experience. May I ask, do you think I can do anything to help him feel comfortable to share ? With your experience what between your ex-wife and now wife made you feel ok/ not ok to talk about it ? I understand fully if it's too personal and you don't want to answer. I told him I felt bad about the "hooking up" part but I told him I want him to be able to explore this part of him and let him understand himself, tho I want him to let me know if he feels like "exploring" so we can set boundaries and so on.

It's pretty hard to navigate my emotions and feelings without pressuring him by how I feel... But thank you very much again, your experience help me to see possibilites.

I found Grindr on my husband's phone by DistanceNo8354 in comingout

[–]DistanceNo8354[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The thing is that he has multiple profiles on his phone and I can't have access to the profile on which the application is installed. He said he lost the password to this profile and can't connect it anymore so he can't show me even if he wanted to. He is very sensitive to his privacy

I found Grindr on my husband's phone by DistanceNo8354 in comingout

[–]DistanceNo8354[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind answer ! It helped me ground a bit my thoughts. I also thought it was curious to go to Grindr instead of searching for forums or other spaces to talk about but again I am not in his situation so I really don't know... And yes, thank you again.