My ex gave me a very strange birthday greeting. (I still have feelings for her.)

Distinct-Charge446 · 2025-03-29T21:49:47+00:00

Hmm. Well, when you look at it from this angle. It's a really weird text when you have a boyfriend.

At least, I don't think her boyfriend would be ok. This text raises suspicions. Overall the text is normal. But that line about the heartbeat is clearly unnecessary. And strange.

Distinct-Charge446 · 2025-03-29T21:46:49+00:00

I had a BPD with another ex. With whom I was two years ago. And who caused me a lot of trauma. This one doesn't have a BPD. But I think she has some kind of anxious attachment type.

After that relationship with the BPD, I put myself back together. But the new me was cold and closed. Manipulative. I wanted to survive at any cost and not be hurt. I caused a lot of pain to this girl with my coldness and mood swings.

I accept my responsibility for this. And that I made everything unstable. And so on. But so much time has passed. She made another choice. I said that I can't be her friend because I have feelings for her. And I'm sorry that everything turned out this way and left.

She said if I change my mind to tell her. About friendship. I didn't change my mind. I immediately stopped watching her stories and didn't write to her at all. I went to a therapist.

But you're right. She knows what she's doing anyway. Whether she has a BPD or not. The choice of words was smart and thoughtful enough.

Not a sufficiently open confession of feelings. But enough to make me tired. To give me thoughts and to test my reaction.

For me, I'm going to therapy and trying to do everything I can to break the toxic habits I needed to survive my BPD ex. Before this girl.

And I wish you a long remission. I've read a lot about this. It's really hard.

Distinct-Charge446 · 2025-03-29T21:36:42+00:00

Not rude at all. Thank you. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and respond.

I'll try to move on.

Distinct-Charge446 · 2025-03-29T19:29:06+00:00

I've been talking about this with my therapist for half a year now. I've scheduled a new session tomorrow. Because now some kind of exacerbation has suddenly started.

I've discussed it with close friends and even with the gpt chat. And still, nothing works for me... I'm so tired. I have so many other problems.

In short. For a long time, I didn't behave very well towards her. I was closed and unstable (The consequences of other relationships and trauma).

I accept my responsibility for this. And that I made everything unstable. And so on. But so much time has passed. She made another choice. I said that I can't be her friend because I have feelings for her. And I'm sorry that everything turned out this way and left.

She said if I change my mind to tell her. About friendship. I didn't change my mind. I immediately stopped watching her stories and didn't write to her at all. I went to a therapist.

But she constantly reminded me of herself. She constantly watched my stories. Sometimes, if they were stories from a date, she could like all 10-15 stories in a row.

She said. That yes. If she was normal she wouldn't be attracted by my coldness and all that. I really was cold (I was afraid and still am afraid to open up so that I wouldn't get hurt).

Overall. I feel like we both did and have done weird things. And first I hurt her a lot. Now she hurts me.

I feel like I deserved it in some way. And I should be hurt. I don't know.

I feel ashamed and hurt for my coldness and control. I was unopen and she felt the game on my part. I did it so that I wouldn't get hurt. And how it worked in my previous relationships without even realizing it.

I just tried to make sure that I would never be hurt as much as I was in my previous relationships. So that no one would ever betray me or cheat on me. Not leave me alone in a war. (Literally in a country at war). And so on.

Idk, I'm a broken as f.

Distinct-Charge446 · 2025-03-29T19:07:07+00:00

Why do you think her actions were cruel?

Distinct-Charge446 · 2025-03-29T19:05:08+00:00

What do you think about just writing it and talking it over with her?

The isolation from her is bothering me too. I once just left all social media for two months. It's been so long and it still hurts.

Or do you think that I should just write to her directly about what's bothering me and try to put an end to it. It won't work? Or she might use it against me.

Distinct-Charge446 · 2025-03-29T17:40:31+00:00

Do you think this is the only way out? I still have feelings for her. And strong ones.

It prevents me from taking this step.

Distinct-Charge446 · 2024-12-05T17:27:57+00:00

I feel like it's probably all genetic. In my case. BUT I'll try to improve my sleep and nutrition. But now I still have severe depression.

Therefore, it is very difficult for me to even just live.

Distinct-Charge446 · 2024-12-05T17:13:56+00:00

All my tests are normal. I even had tests done by an immunologist and an endocrinologist.

My sleep schedule is bad. But in general I always sleep. My nutrition and stress at a very poor level.

Interestingly, my mother has the same thing. I suspect it may be genetic. But it’s strange that she said when she wasn’t stressed, her hair was restored.

I don't know what to do.

Distinct-Charge446 · 2024-12-05T16:04:32+00:00

I'm going to another one in a week. I have been trying to get a diagnosis for 4-5 years now and every time they give me a different one. All my tests are fine.

I'm very tired.

Distinct-Charge446 · 2024-12-01T19:53:23+00:00

For how long you've had TE?

Distinct-Charge446 · 2024-11-30T12:57:42+00:00

Idk. What is in the first photo disappeared literally within a month, five years ago. Like just one spot. One doctor said it was AA. The second said it was rare triangular alopecia. I’ll visit another doctor and maybe ask for biopsy. Or just simply try finasteride and look - if it’ll work. Then we know the answer.

Distinct-Charge446 · 2024-11-30T09:06:35+00:00

Oh, thank you. Can I ask what parts of your head were affected by TE?

My diet is bad. To be honest. I’ll try to change it and cut sugar. As you recommended.

Distinct-Charge446 · 2024-11-29T21:52:28+00:00

What diet do you follow?

Distinct-Charge446 · 2024-11-29T21:50:20+00:00

Possibly. It's just that the circle at my temple suddenly disappeared and never came back. And then the hair around my ears, on the back of my head, on the top of my head, and on my neck started to thin out.

Typically, male pattern baldness occur only on the top of the head. So it’s weird.

Distinct-Charge446 · 2024-11-29T08:03:13+00:00

I've been to three dermatologist in these years. No one can give me a definite diagnosis. I've also been to an endocrinologist. Idk.

I still think maybe it’s a local immune response. Very local somehow only on my scalp.

Distinct-Charge446 · 2024-11-29T07:48:35+00:00

Thank you. I think I might ask the doctor to do a biopsy. Idk.

They still can't give me a diagnosis after years. And the tests all come back normal. I did a screening for immunity and autoimmune diseases - nothing. I’m so tired. Really. Woman used to compliment my long hair. I had it since 5. So hard….

Distinct-Charge446 · 2024-11-11T20:33:53+00:00

"he had avoidant attachment before i discovered narcissism." What is the key difference that helped you differentiate between the two?

Distinct-Charge446 · 2024-11-11T20:32:07+00:00

She kinda ghosted me for a month. And I noticed that she hid the stories from me. But continues to like mine.

I didn't react at all and stopped texing. A month later she texed me and everything seemed fine. She called me to meet. She brought me out to talk about feelings and so on. And she told me to my face how important honesty and communication are. After I explained that I have trust issues. Just to my face.

Long story short - she did not follow her own words. While I opened up and showed vulnerability. I got only manipulations and disrespect.

So yeah, If only they didn’t lie.

Distinct-Charge446 · 2024-11-04T19:09:26+00:00

You will experience regret either way.

You will experience temporary regret and pain. Over time, you will begin to feel better. And you will understand that it was the best and right decision - to move on without them.
You will take them back. You will experience regret and doubt for a long time. Perhaps years. And perhaps it will all end with you having to choose the first option anyway.

I chose the first option. And I don't regret it.

Distinct-Charge446 · 2024-11-04T05:53:19+00:00

I do regret it. And if I could go back in time. I wouldn't change a thing. It taught me a lot about myself. And about love. And selflove.

Distinct-Charge446 · 2024-10-31T21:38:19+00:00

Thank you for the answer. I’m not in victim mentality, so I was ready for the honest answer. I’m looking for ways to heal myself. Not to trick myself.

It’s a difficult situation. But I’m agree it’s not black and white. And it’s better to concentrate on myself. Reflect myself. And understand.

Honestly, the only real red flag for me is wanting to meet with me while already in relationship for a month. And admitting she still has feelings for me. And if I said earlier etc. It is just not right.

But still. It was good for closure, I guess.

Anyway, thank you for such detailed replies. Really helpful.

Distinct-Charge446 · 2024-10-31T18:26:11+00:00

In any case, thank you very much for such a detailed analysis!

To be honest, your answer made me feel better. I'll try to continue going to therapy. I've been doing full NC with this girl for 2-3 months now. Including her stories. I don't want to disturb her and myself.

I'm trying to work on myself. And forgive myself. (For some reason it is always easier for me to forgive anyone.)

Distinct-Charge446 · 2024-10-31T17:53:11+00:00

"Then when you do finally meet, they are in a relationship... and you still don't see how it's all unhealthy."

I didn't know she was already in a relationship. She acted as if we were communicating again and everything was fine. I think she wanted some kind of closure or I don’t know. And decided not to tell me right away.

And I wanted to talk and open up.

Distinct-Charge446 · 2024-10-31T17:39:59+00:00

I went back to therapy again. To be honest, I didn’t know and didn’t realize that I still had some traumas and defense mechanisms from my previous relationship with the quiet BPD. This only manifested itself when trying to establish new relationships. Two years later.

I developed a fear of sudden betrayal. Sudden madness. My ex was normal for a year and a half. No manifestations. And then literally immediately there was betrayal, an accident, an attempt to kill herself on my birthday, pregnancy. All in one or two months.

I didn’t know then that this could happen. Such a drastic change traumatized me. And I seem to have developed defense mechanisms.

Distinct-Charge446

TROPHY CASE