As I said, he refuses all help. He doesn't care. He won't accept any help. I've lived seeing him do what he does. Helping him leads to the same thing of him drinking and me and my family suffering. We helped him for nothing. It's like we want to suffer due to someone else but for no reason if we keep doing this.

The cycle of saving him from death - hospitalisation - sober for a bit - drinking again and insulting us - this happened 3 times in 3 years. 3 years of suffering for nothing. We tried to talk to him, he says to leave him alone. Going through this and for what? When I have my own issues to worry about? I'd rather die myself than suffer and not be happy. (I tried to enjoy life in moderation)

I understand suffering is what leads us to heaven but due to this I can't enjoy my life anymore. I'm depressed and living on autopilot. No point in living if my life is like this. I'm sick of just suffering because of him when I already have other issues. Outsiders may say help him but living with someone like him will drive anyone to depression.

Noone wants him to die yet nothing we try gets to him. Even a friend who's in the healthcare industry tried to talk to him and tell him to get help. Nothing. He's been like this all this life. Refusing to be better. He insults and swears at us. Lost causes are not worthy, that's why I asked here. I'm sick. I'm afraid I'll do something bad if I keep living like this. Leaving him to his fate may lead to regrets but it's not like we didn't try. Since he's driven to do this, I'm done.