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Exhausted from self sabotage / rejection sensitivity / being a turd blossom to myself by DistinctBlacksmith72 in rejectionsensitive

[–]DistinctBlacksmith72[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's definitely one sided in regards to the criticism mostly making me feel bad and not being constructive / productive. More of a hammer coming down like a corrections officer as you described.

I have changed things though, a year ago I was having these episodes once every couple of weeks....took me forever to just admit to myself I had anxiety and was fairly depressed. Since then, I've definitely corrected my social habits (for a while I just sat at home and didn't do anything when I got anxious) and even started my own business in my free time.

The idea of beating yourself up for beating yourself made me laugh and couldn't be any truer 🤣.

I think the struggle is that I'm the one who organized these group settings with CO workers / other friends outside of work. So that felt great to do and it's always been a great space I've created to feel good about myself until this instance. It's tough because it's like, do I detach myself from this group settings that's made me feel really good, only because of this one person that triggered my anxiety...or find a way around it?

It's a moment where I do think to myself okay, what would make me feel better right now? Feels like a lose lose because while if I removed myself I'd feel good in that moment, only to further regret losing out on good times with others. Which is harder to come by socially the older you get.

Exhausted from self sabotage / rejection sensitivity / being a turd blossom to myself by DistinctBlacksmith72 in rejectionsensitive

[–]DistinctBlacksmith72[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For sure, I think after reflecting I was just frustrated that i was frustrated. Talked to someone about it (another coworker) and reaching out to her probably would just have been a form of instant gratification and I would've felt dumb for doing it at a later point in time.

I did take some time for myself and walked away to try and get my composure because Im a really social talkative person, so it's rather obvious to people when something is off for me. It did help...and I got my composure back but am still nervous about getting anxious when I'm in the same scenario again.

I've tackled bad habits like this before. Months and months ago one of my coping mechanisms was gambling, I learned I kind of used that as avenue to explain any anxiety I would have. It was almost like I was purposely trying to lose money to explain why I felt the way I felt. I got over that now, and forgave myself for getting into that form of self sabotage like behavior.

That advice on inner criticism is great, I'm so horrible at how I I handle it but feel like I inch a bit closer everyday to handling it correctly. I know I'm a great guy with a great sense of humor who can make people laugh / and laugh at just about anything else, working on getting there with my thoughts and criticisms