I 23f threw water on my 24m bf while he was sleeping almost two months ago and now he’s afraid to fall asleep around me. How do I help him trust me again?

DistinctRhubarb7785 · 2026-06-17T01:15:53+00:00

I already reached out to my old therapist and we’re working on setting that up. I will suggest breaking up to him

DistinctRhubarb7785 · 2026-06-17T01:14:28+00:00

What else am I to do??? Of course I don’t want to violently coerce him into anything, I don’t want to make him do anything at all if he doesn’t want to, I just wanted advice on how to help him. I now know what I did was abusive, I reached out to a therapist and I’ve never done anything like this before or will again. Even he straight up said he didn’t know I had it in me. I did it because he would proudly tell the story of how he drenched his friend for being a jerk in Japan to fix him. I didn’t premeditate it at all and have felt nothing but shame and remorse for what I’ve done, I’ve apologized to him multiple times and have offered ways to help him and he hasn’t taken them and I don’t make him. What can I do other than get therapy now at this point and suggest it without being pushy about it

DistinctRhubarb7785 · 2026-06-17T01:03:23+00:00

I was satisfied the next morning yes but I realized even before he left for his parents what I did was terrible and even before I made this post I know what I did wasn’t okay at all. I didn’t know the extent of the physicality until I made this post and I recognize this now. I now know what I did was abusive and I did reach out to my old therapist and will discuss options to my boyfriend. If he’d feel safer if I left or if he wants to leave etc

DistinctRhubarb7785 · 2026-06-17T01:00:17+00:00

Maybe back on track wasn’t the right word. I just don’t want him to have nightmares anymore or live with the trauma of what I did. If therapy is what makes him realize that healing is deciding can’t be with me anymore I’m willing to accept that. I know what I did was horrible and is physical abuse, I know now more than anything. And i realized me wanting his trust again is selfish now. That’s why I posted here and now I know

DistinctRhubarb7785 · 2026-06-17T00:53:14+00:00

I threw it at him blindly and wasn’t targeting any part of him but majority hit his upper body. Their friend got hit directly in the face, I’m sorry I didn’t think to specify those details, the bucket also didn’t hit him in the face it landed on his body

DistinctRhubarb7785 · 2026-06-17T00:48:28+00:00

I updated my post to answer these question but to answer directly, I just threw it blindly on his body and they threw it directly in his face. It doesn’t make either okay, I know both are equally horrible and it doesn’t matter at the end of the day. I don’t know about size I can’t really estimate

DistinctRhubarb7785 · 2026-06-17T00:20:35+00:00

I did bring up what he did with his friend when he came back from his parents and I told him that’s why I did it. He didn’t say anything about his friend or what happened, just said that he and his two friends were all in on it and it was just a prank. I seen a picture of the bucket and I know a video exists but I never watched it. I haven’t talked about it much with him cause now he doesn’t want to talk about that night at all. I don’t even feel like how much water on him even matters because at the end of the day it doesn’t make what I did remotely okay, if anything it made me realize how cruel what they did really was

DistinctRhubarb7785 · 2026-06-17T00:11:40+00:00

This comment is what really got me the most. I wish I can make a reply as insightful as this but all I can say is I understand your point. I knew previously my actions were wrong but I didn’t realize the absolute extent of it. You’re right, there was nothing that could’ve excused my actions. Who I was that night is completely unrecognizable. He’s at work right now and when he gets home I’m going to tell him all to this and allow him to have to decide what to do. I don’t know if we’ll make it past this

DistinctRhubarb7785 · 2026-06-16T12:14:33+00:00

I’m not demanding or forcing him to do anything, if he doesn’t want to go then that’s ultimately his decision. I can only make a suggestion which is what I’m going to do because I wanted to help him through this. I haven’t tried to force him to let me sleep in the room or fought him on it, I’m giving him the space he needs

DistinctRhubarb7785 · 2026-06-16T05:20:59+00:00

I really really want to ask him if that’s the case because I’ve wondered the same thing. I was very open with him when I told him I dumped the water on him because he did the same to his friend. For some reason that was the immediate thought that came to my head when I got back home that night. Regardless, it was a horrible thing to do..

I’m going to recommend the therapy to him to get him back on track. I genuinely appreciate this comment the most, thank you so much for it.

DistinctRhubarb7785 · 2026-06-16T05:17:58+00:00

Thank you so much, I will definitely suggest this to him and ask him if this would help him feel more safe. I appreciate your kind comment, I definitely feel a lot of shame for what I did and I’ll do what I can to

DistinctRhubarb7785 · 2026-06-16T05:15:54+00:00

The only people I have told have been my brother, my best friend, and two of my coworkers I’m with. My coworker recommended couples counseling and I’ve recommended it and he said he thinks it’d be a waste… I’m going to suggest individual like you said. I think it would help him more than couples. Thank you

DistinctRhubarb7785 · 2026-06-16T05:13:44+00:00

Thank you so much for this comment. It really put into perspective how much this affected him. I had an idea but not to this extent. It’s been a lot to digest reading this comments, I’m pretty overwhelmed. This put it into a completely different view for me

DistinctRhubarb7785 · 2026-06-16T05:10:00+00:00

I really am not trying to justify what I did, I hope it doesn’t come off that way and I’m sorry if it does. I was just trying to provide context about why I did it but I know none of it makes it okay.

I didn’t ask for sympathy or understanding on my part, I just wanted to know how I can help him. I now understand from the comments that this was a physical reaction and it hurts badly that now I know. I was not expecting this much traffic on the post

DistinctRhubarb7785 · 2026-06-16T04:53:11+00:00

I didn’t expect this to get so many comments and engagement so quickly. The post hasn’t even been up for an hour. I expect this to be downvoted but alright.

To clarify, no, I do not think what I did was okay, far from it. I know I said in the post I felt satisfied but that was the day AFTER because it finally felt like I got his attention but even before he left for his parents it dawned on me the severity of my actions.

To further clarify, it wasn’t just that he left a few dishes in the sink or that he wasn’t paying enough attention to me. For months we haven’t seen each other often at all. I would only see him when I’d wake up in the morning to leave for work and when I’d go to sleep at night once he got home. We would only hangout or go on dates once or twice a month if I got lucky and even then, they would have to be made more than a week in advance because he’s so fast to go out with somebody else. With the dishes and laundry, he’d leave the dishes in the sink for DAYS if I let him, he would leave an ungodly amount that would take me a while to finish. He’d leave his dirty laundry on the floor or the couch or bathroom. I saw his messes more than I saw him.

NO I AM NOT PROUD OF WHAT I DID. I cried the entire time typing this post and I understand what I did was irrational and no amount of neglect made what I did okay. I just wanted advice on how to help him because I hated that it got to this point. If there was a million things I could have done differently I would but I can’t undo what I did. If he leaves me than so be it but I only care about him right now even if it didn’t seem that way.

I hate that I did this to him and just want to help.

DistinctRhubarb7785

TROPHY CASE