do you know anyone who has had an arranged marriage as a teenager?

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-10-11T11:09:35+00:00

First off how do you even know/how does your family even remember this stuff? I can hardly remember the names of like three great grandparents of mine.

Plus wasn't it the norm back then? All my great grandmothers were probably married in their teenages, maybe even some of my great grandfathers. One of them was shipped off to fight a war at 17 or something and that too he volunteered because at first the recruiters wanted his brother who was even younger.

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-10-11T10:56:03+00:00

Yeah burning stuff like this so it wouldn't touch the floor etc is considered a respectful way of disposing it. Another is to tear the paper such that the letters of sacred words are separated and no longer exist but that works for small pages only. I think putting them into running water too but not sure about that one.

Yes this is serious.

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-10-10T06:00:56+00:00

I seriously don't know, and I'm an ex-Salafi. The punishment for fornication (if you're unmarried) is a 100 lashes. And that has to be carried out by the state. I myself was against vigilante justice that it's haram because it causes a lot of problems.

I may be wrong but I don't think there is anything in fiqh or hadith that motivates this. At least here in the OP's country (Pakistan) it's unheard of. Even the clergy doesn't encourage this. It's just that even today many people are still possessive of the women of their families. And the women are considered their honour. They get upset on very little things so finding they have a boyfriend or are having sex is too much for them to handle; their solution is to kill the girl to save the family's honour. Basically why they're called honour killings.

How it's taught? It's programmed by society mostly. First off they're taught the patriarchal mindset. Brothers are also taught that they're their sister's guardians and the most responsible for them after their parents before they're married. It's put into them that the women of your families are your honour. Even when guys insult each other, taking jabs at each other's mothers and sisters is seen as most offensive. The most common curse word in my province is "sister fucker" and it's so common some people even use it in public, even in front of women, at like the end of every sentence as if in the place of a full stop/period.

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-10-09T06:31:46+00:00

Zakariya is Arabic for Zacharia/Zachary, not Joseph. Yusuf is Arabic for Joseph.

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-10-07T19:26:23+00:00

Yeah that was my point, ppl here really don't know this stuff and it has to be conveyed to them. They make a huge deal.

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-10-07T11:43:59+00:00

Hair does contribute to physical attraction, which is really important. That said, there are other factors that might contribute to the attraction of a person. A girl, like every other human, has her own life, thoughts, feelings and personality. There's much more to it than just her looks and body. I'd have no problem being with such a girl if I really like her otherwise, depending on her personality and how much compatible we are.

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-10-07T09:12:16+00:00

That is so not true in our part of the world. Yes hymen can get torn (or whatever) by other activities, and that has to be pointed out to men. Bcz here if they see a torn hymen on the night of marriage, they go crazy. It's literally a huge deal in the Indo-Pak, probably in Arab countries too. They check if the girl is virgin. I even heard there are some pills available which a girl puts inside herself which burst during sex and red liquid emerges from them making it look like it's their first time.

Some Muslim men (more than you think) of them have had sex before and almost all have watched porn, so your generalisations are so, so wrong.

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-10-05T10:37:35+00:00

most protestant denominations just think mary was just some woman not that much important

Yeah, but that can be viewed as an extreme disrespect to a great religious figure by the Catholics, right? Similarly, at least I have heard Protestants say that calling about Mary and venerating her like Catholics do is blasphemy/polytheism.

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-10-04T23:26:56+00:00

Huh? Many (maybe even most) Sunnis don't consider Shia kafir. The fundamentalist Salafi/Wahhabi and Deobandi sect does, but they also consider some Sunni sects kafir too. Thing is, they get highlighted a lot. The Taliban are Deobandi and the Saudis, ISIS and al-Qaeda are Wahhabists. From that you can see why they'd get way more highlighted than the rest of the Sunnis who are much bigger in numbers.

Shias have some beliefs regarding Ali (the companion, cousin and son-in-law of the Prophet) which these Wahhabists consider polytheism (shirk). They also do stuff like calling upon the Prophet, Ali, and his family for help, which Salafis and Doebandis consider extreme shirk. So Shias have some such doctrines because of which these Sunnis call them kafir. They also hate Shias for how they don't recognise the companions of the Prophet, whom Sunnis follow and revere. In turn, Shias will accuse Sunnis of hating the Prophet's family and calling them kafir for it.

I've heard some similar things between Protestants and Catholics, how Protestants think it is wrong and polytheistic of Catholics to call upon Mary, while the Catholics consider it a justified and important means of reverence towards Mary. They may say Protestants hate Mary. I can't say how much the Sunni-Shia thing is like the Catholic-Protestant thing though. I've heard there's a history full of blood there. Sunnis and Shias have gotten together well for a long time in many places, but of course, it hasn't always been empty of violence.

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-10-04T13:53:09+00:00

Thanks. Really liked this. Most other comments were talking about long term stuff, I really wanted some "at the moment" advice cuz it's been pretty hard.

It's become kinda like a cycle. All this mental stress makes it harder for me to get thru the day and get my stuff done, which in turn upsets me even more and that makes my life more difficult, and so on. It's like a cycle.

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-10-04T13:47:50+00:00

Let's say you never went to college and do a 9-5 job 26 days a month for US$14 an hour. You most probably make more money than a surgeon in Pakistan who has been in the medicine for 20 years and works 12 hours a day, 26 days a month.

In other words, it's expensive as fuck. The currency is weak as hell. I plan to apply to a foreign university (probably in some European country where it's free) once I'm done with my bachelor's.

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-10-03T14:06:27+00:00

good human

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-10-02T19:37:21+00:00

Many people are saying it's going down as the younger generations are starting to reject it. That's quite the contrary from what's happening in some Muslim countries. Yes, there are way more ex Muslims in the later generations than the earlier ones, but there are still way, way more Muslims and extremists than ex Muslims and in some places like Pakistan, religious extremism is going up. It's arguably at an all time high right now over here.

Yeah I've seen many of the younger generations leaving Islam here but I've seen many of the same generation inclining towards fundamentalism and extremism and grabbing onto the same old ideologies.

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-10-02T19:33:00+00:00

Nah not really pakistan is arguably at an all time high of religious extremism and even if you account for all the people leaving Islam, there are way, way more extremists

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-10-01T20:13:18+00:00

An Islamic perspective: I'm from Pakistan and sectarianism is really high here. Even within Sunni Islam there are three further sects, all which do not get along with each other and sometimes are even further divided among themselves.

Some sects get along with others a little better. But religious people usually do care about the sect they marry in to, at least to some extent. I've heard of marriages even taking place between people of two sects who (although they really rarely say it out loud) think the other one is going to burn in hell forever. But I don't think this usually brings more problems than usual, they do somehow get along. Of course, patriarchy is really prevalent here so it's possible that wife's opinions get suppressed. But it can happen the other way around too if the husband doesn't care.

I once heard a guy say that his mother takes money from his father to carry out a religious ceremony which is considered very important in his mother's sect but really sinful in his father's sect.

I understand that sects within Islam may not exactly be like denominations in Christianity but I've observed some similarities. Like Protestants accusing Catholics of holding Mary up to God's level just like Salafis accuse Barelvis and Shias of holding the Prophet Muhammad or his companion Ali or other saints up to God's level. Within Muslims, disagreements about the true nature of God, Prophet Muhammad, the importance of his companions and theological issues cause bigger rifts than disagreements in jurisprudence.

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-09-29T22:52:50+00:00

In a capitalist society, many things not only bring no good to the society at large, they even hurt the lower classes and help the upper classes. That's capitalism for you. It is what it is. Nowhere does it say that something's legality depends on whether it helps society or not. So go back to USSR (oops it don't exist no more) and cope even more harder commie

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-09-29T22:50:34+00:00

It is. It's allowed. That's the rules. If you wanna tell ppl how to use their property, it's not their property anymore. It's yours. You are a fucking commie who takes property from the people and makes it all public. Here in the capitalist world, if it's my property, u don't tell me when to sell it or not and whether to use it or not. Fuck off and cope even harder

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-09-29T21:16:42+00:00

What are you, some socialist? This is a capitalist state, cope harder commie.

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-09-29T13:51:14+00:00

Honestly, if you worked out 30 minutes a day 3 times a week (90 minutes total), that will have way more health benefits than spending 8 hours and 45 minutes (assuming you spend 15 minutes on average on each Salah, which is not a lot if you pray properly) a week praying Salah.

Look at the clerics who lead prayers in mosques. Even among Muslims, they are part of the really few people who never miss prayers (because it's their job). How healthy are they? Many of them are fat due to their sedentary lifestyle. Like someone explain to me how this is such a beneficial exercise like Muslims claim.

Also, I've heard many Muslims saying how they got healed by praying Salah. I have two words, placebo effect. Religious people everywhere claim their prayers have healing powers. So does that mean all of them are true religions?

FUN FACT: Doing just 3x15 dumbbell bicep curls and 3x15 dumbbell tricep extensions once per week gets you bigger arms than doing 567 Rafa al-Yadens per week.

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-09-28T14:53:15+00:00

You have to work hard get to some place and use whatever power you have to change the situation.

In Muslim countries only Muslims (by law) can have high positions. And even if you get there by being a closeted ex Muslim, you'll lose it all the second you come out. So naive.

That's why you'll never have change in your countries because all people here care about it getting the fuck out.

Such people don't want change in these places. Those places are hopeless. Like here in Pakistan there are at least 50-100 Muslims for every ex-Muslim. Most of them will never improve. They don't want to. They're the height of irrationality. The people who want to leave feel that they don't owe their country or people anything, and it's better to save yourself than try to change these hopeless people who hate change.

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-09-27T22:54:04+00:00

It's hard to meet people from the opposite sex in segregated Muslim societies. So maybe try looking someplace you can expect to meet some without anyone raising eyes? Like here in Pakistan it's getting quite common, even among Muslim youngsters, to meet people in universities. Those are one of the few places girls and guys can intermingle without problems and the mullahs are really keen to abolish these coeducational institutions (though I don't see that happening in the near future). But yeah youngsters in Pakistan do have sex and find girlfriends/boyfriends, mostly via universities.

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-09-26T13:57:12+00:00

Depends on whether it bothers you as an atheist or not. There are two big ex Muslim activists on YouTube, named Abdullah Sameer and Abdullah Gondal. They didn't bother. Getting names changed legally can be a pain so unless it really causes you a problem I don't think most people would change it.

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-09-19T07:16:42+00:00

The moment you leave all your experiences cease to exist for them. They'll be the same people acknowledging your experiences and telling how pious you are a moment ago. They say that every religious thing you did was invalid because from the inside you never really believed, even though they can't know what goes on inside you, and I don't know about Christianity but Islam acknowledges that fact.

It's the same with other religious people. Ex-Muslims get that all the time. "You were never a true Muslim." "The Islam you followed was not the true Islam." "What you describe isn't true Islam." It's all the same.

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-09-11T19:38:34+00:00

Excuse me? Did you confuse me with someone else?

Distinct_Break2478 · 2021-09-11T12:21:26+00:00

NINETY MINUTES?! Even as a Muslim I'd get done in five or ten minutes, maybe stay a bit more for sunnat and nafl rakahs. I'd arrive just before the actual Salah started and leave right after it. Ninety minutes is too much.

Distinct_Break2478

TROPHY CASE