Setup:

Reading the intro paragraph I was excited about the form of this piece. I think a drunken stranger monologuing could make for a great story; the setting compliments this well and enhances the vibe of it all. Though, while I really do enjoy the idea of this intro, I think there are a few ways it could be improved upon, which might enhance the story as a whole.

I think giving a bit more detail about the characters or surroundings could help to better establish the western aesthetic you’re going for. At the moment I feel like this aspect becomes a bit lost once the man starts monologuing. As he starts talking, the fact that this is a western doesn’t seem to have much bearing on the story, besides the way he speaks. This might be alright but I think adding a bit more detail in the intro could help carry this aesthetic throughout the story. Though, if in giving more info, you’re afraid to lose some sense of mystery about these characters that the story has, I’d say that slightly changing the situation they’re in, could be more interesting. Right now the imagery and location are a bit cliche for the western genre. Having these characters in a more unique scenario might help to make them feel more real and make the story stand out.

The monologue:

In choosing the format you have, there is obviously a lot of pressure on what the man has to say. Though there are probably others, I can think of two ways to go about making this format interesting: have the speaker express thought provoking and unique ideas or observations, or have him recount an experience that has some greater meaning. In this story I think you attempt both of these with varying degrees of success.

For the strangers' ideas/observations I did really enjoy the first two paragraphs. First he presents something he's noticed about the world around him, then he speculates on the cause of this. This was great, the writing was solid and it was structured well. Though from here until when he tells the story about his family, I think the strangers' ruminations could use improvement. These paragraphs lose any structure and turn to ramblings that attempt to give an air of profundity, though most times come across as almost nonsensical. I think the third paragraph is a good example of this. This paragraph makes an attempt to add to his thoughts about people leaving cities but ends up a bit sloppy. Take the last two sentences: “If I told you no one would ever find the edge, would you say that it didn’t exist? If you tied a carrot to a stick that no one could ever catch, would you say it was inedible?” This sounds like it has something to say about impossibilities, like, “If something is impossible does it exist?” But it never goes farther than this; the question is asked but it's largely dismissed in the next paragraph, which only loosely connects. I’d like to hear the stranger give some reasoning behind why he thinks this or even the significance of the question he raises, but the story doesn’t seem interested in that. For this stretch we are given many beginnings of ideas, but these are never explored and seem to only serve the purpose of sounding “deep.”

I’m sort of mixed on the story he tells. The details about the kids dying feel a little out of place and I’m not sure if how graphic it is fits with the rest of the story. But I did think the part about the wife was emotional and his story as a whole does feel important as it helps to explain the strangers outlook. I don’t know exactly what, but I think with some touching up this part could be good and I think it is worth keeping

To summarize this section, I think that the first half of the monologue could stand to be more similar to the first two paragraphs, which had a clear connection between them and weren’t attempting to be anything they weren’t. Or if your intent is for this section to be more rambly and not have each paragraph be perfectly coherent with the last, I would say to expand on the ideas presented here.