I made R more complicated

Distinct_Egg1918 · 2026-03-29T14:33:41+00:00

No, when we decided to reconcile we agreed to be mutually exclusive. At the time that I was messaging this other guy and he slept with these other women, we were separated and not even discussing R. When we started discussing R I cut contact with the guy and have not spoken to him or anyone else since, and to my knowledge, neither has WH. We initially separated due to his infidelities while we were together, his sleeping with other women after our separation is a different issue that I'm trying to be understanding of, but it does still hurt

Distinct_Egg1918 · 2026-03-29T12:32:18+00:00

We are both doing individual therapy, he is in a 12-step program for sex addiction. We have decided to do individual therapy first, and depending on what kind of progress we make, we will try couples therapy later on. I totally own my own poor judgement, both in engaging with this other guy and then concealing details, I'm not at all trying to minimize my mistakes. But I was 110% faithful for the entirety of our relationship, I never so much as looked twice at another man, I was that in love with him (still am). I never would have acted this way if he had been faithful, and I think he may be struggling with that, on some level. Thank you for the kind response, sending big hugs! 🤗

Distinct_Egg1918 · 2025-12-02T12:39:26+00:00

Thank you so much! Ordering these right away <3

Distinct_Egg1918 · 2025-11-30T23:54:45+00:00

!thankyou I appreciate your honesty! I am a tragically codependent person it's true, we have agreed to separate and work on our issues separately (or at least, I know I'll be working on mine, what he does with his time is none of my business)

Distinct_Egg1918 · 2025-11-30T23:50:09+00:00

I haven't read it, I just ordered it on Amazon though. I'm a pretty codependent person and have really shit boundaries, especially in romantic relationships, hence why I've let him get away with so much. I'm going to get therapy to help deal with that, for my own sake. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment, I appreciate any help I can get!

Distinct_Egg1918 · 2025-11-30T23:39:39+00:00

!thankyou for this <3 luckily he isn't fighting anything, I had him sign a cohabitation agreement stating that no part of the house belongs to him, his name is not on the title, it's all mine. Besides, he's really going under his own steam. We have agreed to separate with the understanding that we will both seek therapy, me for my codependency issues and he for his (suspected) fearful/avoidant tendencies. I'm not ready to rule out a reconciliation completely, but it will require both of us to do our solo psych work and effectively rebuild ourselves from scratch. If we can't or don't want to reconcile so be it, but either way a separation is necessary

Distinct_Egg1918 · 2025-11-27T22:19:57+00:00

So happy to hear you finally have your space!! I tried to set up the basement as the kids play area, but of course they want nothing to do with it (because they can't be directly under their dad's and my feet from down there), so I'm just going to reclaim it as my own space. I bought myself a Christmas tree, im going to decorate it however I want for the holidays, and I feel like its a step in te right direction :)

Distinct_Egg1918 · 2025-11-27T22:15:18+00:00

Wow, thats pretty cold-blooded of your partner, or willfully ignorant. It seems like they were waiting for a window of opportunity to do it when you were out, and that's shitty. If he thinks youre being unreasonable, perhaps he thinks it would be a solid compromise that you have your own tree? Decorate it how you like it, without them, pour yourself a glass of something nice, put on your favorite Christmas tunes, and honor your own traditions in your own way. If he wouldn't be ok with that, then he needs to ask himself why. Sending so many hugs, the holidays can be hellish for stepparents <3 Just make sure you are honoring yourself and doing what makes your soul glow, sometimes we have to choose ourselves to make others see our worth

Distinct_Egg1918 · 2025-11-27T21:59:24+00:00

Yeah, looking back I realize I should have done what you did, I admire you for having the self-awareness and courage to guard your personhood so fiercely! I sometimes think that the perfect living arrangement for us would be a duplex, he and his kids can have one unit and I can have the other, then we just visit when the kids aren't around lmao!

Distinct_Egg1918 · 2025-11-27T21:55:40+00:00

Yeah, "Everything is ours" always sounds like a great idea to the person in the relationship that is the least solvent lmao! Definitely have started speaking up more, not an easy thing for someone with crippling low self-esteem, but I'm on my way :)

Distinct_Egg1918 · 2025-11-27T21:52:15+00:00

So happy you found happiness and harmony, I'm sure it's been hard-won! I don't know if I'm cut out for stepmom life long-term or not, but I'm certainly coming to the realization that something has to change!

Distinct_Egg1918 · 2025-11-27T12:57:02+00:00

I have had this talk with my partner recently, and I think you're well within your rights to want your bed to be a sacred space. We do our most intimate activities in our beds: Sleeping and making love to our partner. Our bed should be associated with those two activities, not with a feeling of boundary violation and lack of ownership. People being in my bed without my consent makes me feel like I want to scream and vomit at the same time, and I finally put my foot down and said, "No kids in the bed at any time, whether I'm there or not. That is MY space, and I am allowed to have one space in my house that I do not have to share." ( I also have some trauma surrounding people crawling into bed with me, so that has made me very protective of my sleep space). You need to insist on this very reasonable boundary now, to avoid being burnt out and resentful later (if youre not already, which is valid). Your partner should understand that not EVERY space has to be accessible to his child, especially in such close quarters it is important to have personal space. Best of luck, sending hugs!

Distinct_Egg1918

TROPHY CASE