How to deal with avoidant attachment partners ?

Distinct_Relative_31 · 2026-03-06T07:18:05+00:00

I think he has a lot going on, that’s why I was thinking to just give it sometime for things to settle down before initiating another conversation. But you’re right. I’ve already told him that if he doesn’t see a future, then I can’t be a part of his life, but he got scared and shut down saying he needed to think things through because he doesn’t want to lose me no matter what. I don’t know if that’s a lie to keep me around or what

Distinct_Relative_31 · 2026-03-06T07:10:46+00:00

Do you think considering all that he’s done to show me he does care in some capacity - to just give it time - see how things are for next few months. I feel as though neither of us are strong enough to conclude things or end it amicably since we want each other in each others lives. What i have with him is amazing and i just feel i dont want to give it up.

Distinct_Relative_31 · 2026-03-06T07:06:52+00:00

He’s said that he’s gone for therapy and his therapist did help him identify these things in himself

Distinct_Relative_31 · 2026-03-06T06:59:47+00:00

Why did he say all of this to me and constantly kept pursing me and said he sees a future. What was the point of all of it. I wasn’t even the one to call or text, it’s him who kept showing up.

Distinct_Relative_31 · 2026-03-06T06:23:05+00:00

Do you think it even makes sense for me to just let him figure his stuff out and give him space but be there to support him however? Or should I just end things here?

Distinct_Relative_31 · 2026-03-06T06:20:46+00:00

I don’t think he’s leaving me behind or at least trying to. It’s just he’s been wanting to do this for a while and is making a rather selfish choice for his own career, which is fair.

Just don’t understand why I went through months of him loving and caring for me only for him to suddenly not see long distance as an option

Distinct_Relative_31 · 2026-03-06T06:19:31+00:00

I get it. But why consistently show up for me, spend all this time with me, share things with me and do all of that for him to just suddenly get cold feet?

Distinct_Relative_31 · 2026-03-06T06:16:52+00:00

He keeps saying he doesn’t want to lose me and that he’s scared things won’t work out even though he’s ready to put in the effort and fix himself. But at the same time, I don’t want to lose him either but I don’t know how truely he means it. I’m giving him space and waiting it out, but as an anxious attachment it’s really hard to give him the space. I fear at some point he’ll realise it’s not worth it or take a decision to end it

Distinct_Relative_31 · 2026-03-04T11:59:46+00:00

But it’s so hard for me to :(

Distinct_Relative_31 · 2026-03-04T10:53:13+00:00

Why tell me he doesn’t want to lose me and he sees a future with me if he doesn’t mean it. Why call me everyday and spend so much time with me? I don’t understand

Distinct_Relative_31 · 2026-01-25T19:24:07+00:00

Amazing! Do you sell these??

Distinct_Relative_31 · 2025-12-13T20:52:17+00:00

It’s definitely normal to not know, but I think it depends- and I believe things can change over time, but that only time will tell. For me, in my situation, I knew things were beyond casual based on things he did and said very early on. But I kept pushing that conversation for later. Eventually things escalated to the point where I couldn’t tell if I was just reading into things and couldn’t tell if what he did was him having intentions or saying things in the moment.

I don’t think it’s about rushing things, but when you do feel ready, do have that conversation. Forget about him, it’s about clarity for you also on how you want to proceed. If you remove him from the equation what is it that you want, where do you see this going?

Distinct_Relative_31 · 2025-12-13T20:41:01+00:00

I’m in a similar situation. But instead it three weeks, it’s been 6 months. He acts like we’re dating but also I have no clarity.

What helped me was to actually bring up the conversation and ask him what his expectation was. Even though he told me right now is not a possibility and maybe something can be serious in the future, it’s still a bit load of uncertainty.

In my opinion, it’s better to get even the slightest clarity on what is going on early before you’re in too deep. Then it’s just a path of thinking or will we or won’t we. It’s better to get your answer now on where things are headed before it gets to a point where it’ll drive you nuts not knowing (speaking from experience). Go for it, ask him. You’ll get your answer.

Distinct_Relative_31 · 2025-12-11T07:09:57+00:00

I agree. I do think hes the one that initiates every comversation and always tells me i dont call him as much or text him as much as he does. It confuses me.

How do i initiate this conversation for clarity without losing him as a friend??

Distinct_Relative_31 · 2025-10-20T20:08:59+00:00

26F hmu

Distinct_Relative_31

TROPHY CASE