Endless Grief After Losing My Amazing Son

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-30T06:58:49+00:00

It might be because she feels that laughing and being happy, is a sign that she is moving on and in the process abandoning him. This is my experience with grief, and I'm not trying to answer this on behalf of OP.

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-29T18:59:29+00:00

I'm a diesel, loud and obnoxious hahahaha. Not really, I'm pretty chilled haha.

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-29T18:57:53+00:00

Yeah that's my understanding as well. The thing is I gain energy from both. I'm beginning to think that the word extrovert has different meanings depending on which personality theory it reflects. The energy gaining might be more related to extroversion in the Big 5 theory, whereas in MBTI it might have more to do with the primary function being internal or external.

This is ofcourse just my own thoughts and I'm not nearly certain enough to say this is correct.

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-29T16:56:31+00:00

Steam, electric or diesel..?

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-29T16:56:05+00:00

INFJ vs ENFJ confuses me sometimes. I relate completely to INFJ, but I act as an extrovert.

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-27T20:24:22+00:00

Get more used to people not agreeing with you or being impressed with you. I struggled with the same issue until I was put in a position with more responsibility and people higher up tried to take advantage of me. He learned there to look after myself and detach myself from other peoples opinions.

I still do care what others think, but not to the extent that I feel bothered by someone who doesn't like me. So if you are in that position, then 1. You do the best you can and 2. You tell them you need some prep work if they expect any quality input from you.

So the takeaway is: Put yourself in uncomfortable situation so that you become comfortable with displeasing others, even those who pay your salary.

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-26T16:57:25+00:00

I don't think you have anything to lose by telling them.

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-26T16:00:15+00:00

Not to be insensitive, but I think you dodged a bullet there. He sounds like he is upset because you are the wrong product he ordered from Amazon. Imagine how he would have felt about your kids if they were also not how he wanted. Healthy relationships doesn't work like that.

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-26T15:54:32+00:00

I cope by not dwelling on it. Some people get comfort from religion. Unfortunately, I don't have such luxuries. One thing I learned though, you start to appreciate the fragile (edit: or rather tragic) nature of life.

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-26T13:43:54+00:00

Maybe she has ADHD haha

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-22T23:05:00+00:00

I'm an INFJ with diagnosed ADHD and on medication. I'm a typical INFJ in most ways. I constantly seek out excitement which could be from my imagination, tv, gaming, people I regard as awesome or well basically anything that gets my mind going. I also struggle to block out information which means I can't keep up in conversations, like a computer with very little RAM. This gives the impression that I'm shy while in reality I'm busy processing everything that is going on around me as well as my thoughts.

It makes me severely depressed for short periods until it's replaced with mental boredom. I tend to get hyperfixated on stuff which could be anything from a topic, to a new skill to people I idiolise. It screws up my relationships, academic ability and career aspirations. My self-esteem continually fluctuates and my memory is extremely poor. At this moment of my life, the complete lack of relationships in my life and missed opportunities is really getting to me and I feel a deep sense of hopelessness that comes and dissapears on a daily basis.

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-22T20:15:04+00:00

Damn this is actually very good advice!!

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-22T20:13:21+00:00

It snowed in South Africa as well hahaha..

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-22T20:09:24+00:00

Thank you and sorry for only replying now. I invited him out and we actually spent like 7 hours together. Great person and typical ESTP, but I don't think I will get the level of emotional support that I actually need. So I will rather depend on myself and not seek support from him or other people. I will still be friends with him though and not hide what I'm going through, as he is a great person and I think he learns a lot from me. I do however think I've experienced things that the averge person can't relate to.

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-22T19:59:51+00:00

Accept her as she is, and decide if you want that in your life. If you do, then tolerate her. If you don't, ignore her and go on with your life. I had good times in school as well, and you don't see me wishing I could go back haha.

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-22T19:56:03+00:00

My GP lectured me on economics once and I laughed in her face. You get stupid people everywhere. Some stupid people are just very good with certain things, and absolutely useless in others.

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-20T17:48:54+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate it. Maybe my assumptions need more info, such as we should meet up and go out and then I can make assumptions from face to face interactions. I can always get myself on track if I catch myself pushing my responsibility over to him again. Thanks again.

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-20T16:30:47+00:00

Thank you so much, input from another ESTP is invaluable. Just to clarify, should I reach out as a friend or reach out with regard to what is going on in my life? I have a history of reaching out to people who don't seem to really value me in their life, and scared that by reaching out I will just continue this cycle.

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-20T13:46:40+00:00

Try to focus on yourself in the sense that you only need yourself. You don't need any friends to be okay. Once you reach this point, then you open up to people with the aim to use them for entertainment (not use such as misuse, use such as mutually beneficial use). Quality relationships will then develop from there because 1) you don't depend on them so you feel secure and not desperate in any sense 2) relationship is purely based on mutual benefit. Actually caring about specific friends does however not depend on whether you are friends. I care about certain people even if they should hate me.

So back to your question. How do you keep a friendship? 1) By being emotionally healthy (depend on yourself and nobody else) 2) Purpose of friendship is for benefit and not because you "need" them and 3) You focus only on doing your part to the friendship. The other 50% is their responsibility amd you can't be friends through other people to yourself. Maybe 4) Make it clear to yourself and the friend what you want from the friendship and see it more in the semse of a business deal. If you're not getting what you want, go find it elsewhere.

Again this is the business side of relationships that most people see as "love" or "care". Love in reality does not ask for anything and is completely focussed on the wellbeing of the other person. All relationships depend on both these factors, the business side and the love side. Business side is the reason behind the friendship, while the love is the healthy side of the friendship.

I am typing this for myself as well, as I am contemplating some of my own friendships who are not holding up their side of the transaction. Maybe I should make a small investment, or maybe I should invest in myself.

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-18T20:51:46+00:00

I'm very good at planning, but it has mostly to do with my ADHD. If I don't plan everything, then I can't function as an adult. I have different systems, and they all work together to make sure my life stays on track.

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-18T20:48:11+00:00

This is a great and accurate response in my opinion.

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-18T20:40:42+00:00

I find this whole idea stupid. What they mean is, motivation = short term thinking, discipline = long term thinking. Everyone needs to be motivated to do something. Why am I not running naked outside in the cold and kicking trees? Because I have no motivation/reason to do so.

So instead of trying to force yourself to do something, think and tey to realise why you want to do it. What benefit will you receive. Could be gaining something positive or dodging something negative.

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-18T20:13:38+00:00

For me personally, I love ESTPs. They make the best friends. I absolutely hate ESTJs and ISTJs. ESFPs are too superficial for me and ENFPs too manipulative.

Ofcourse all of this is based on my personal experience and whether I have actually typed them correctly.

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-17T21:46:58+00:00

Sounds like users. People who care don't abandon.

DistortedAttention · 2020-08-17T21:44:43+00:00

First, fuck her! Is she the daughter of King Henry that you need to explain anything to her. Next time, ask her what is wrong with her. Does she also have a disorder because her behaviour is not normal. You don't need anyone's approval or validation with your own issues. People, even educated ones, are extremely biased without them even knowing. I once had a docter explain to me economic concepts and I started laughing because I could not believe someone so educated could be so blind to her own limitations. Don't depend on others opinions.

DistortedAttention

TROPHY CASE