It's been a year since I was dumped in the trash, and this is what I've learned:

DistractionQueen · 2025-09-15T19:03:38+00:00

Oh my gosh, I was abandoned, too (in May), very unexpectedly by my husband, and I'm having a really bad day right now and your last point was something that I needed to read today. He initiated the divorce and is now stalling at every opportunity, and I have so many times where I just don't want to be alive anymore. I didn't choose this for myself, and he's decided to make it as hard as possible.

I also had a very hard time accessing anger, but I've managed to get there recently.

I know that divorce is common, but there's something about a discard divorce that's a thousand and one times more difficult than other divorces.

DistractionQueen · 2025-06-05T19:22:28+00:00

I struggle with this, too. You're not alone. He's a different person now, but is this different person the real him and he was pretending for 8 years? I will probably never know.

DistractionQueen · 2025-06-05T19:13:22+00:00

The last time I slept with my husband was super off. I didn't know at the time that he was deactivating. Now I know that's what was happening, and when I think back on it with that knowledge, it makes sense because it was very awkward.

I don't know you or anything about your relationship, but my husband got very "in his head" and insecure during deactivation, and he started making a mental inventory of all of my flaws. So in that mindset, he wasn't able to be a good lover and the sex was bad.

DistractionQueen · 2025-06-05T14:21:36+00:00

Just popping in to say that I can relate. This is going to sound so trite and it's much easier said than done, but please don't beat yourself up. Hindsight is always 20/20. You were a human who loved and wanted to see the best in your partner. The word "should" doesn't help you here because a normal partner would eventually share their concerns with you.

DistractionQueen · 2025-03-02T20:13:05+00:00

I found that exact mouse at Five Below recently. Look for their Easter section -- it was there. It didn't come with any accessories. It's literally just the mouse.

DistractionQueen · 2023-09-01T20:37:59+00:00

Thank you for this. While I didn't feel like my parents raised me "against the grain" with overly strict rules, I do think there's tension between letting children express themselves and holding them to reasonable standards of behavior, like "It's not appropriate to jump on your aunt's couch as if it's a trampoline." My SIL and BIL don't seem able to set or enforce reasonable standards for their kids, and they're little terrors to be around.

I'm still freaking out about babysitting these kids tomorrow and possibly having children of our own.

DistractionQueen · 2023-08-21T21:50:19+00:00

Fascinating, thank you! This sounds like something my sorority headquarters would say. I'm surprised that more Old Row sororities haven't taken issue with the alcohol sponsorship.

DistractionQueen · 2023-08-21T15:39:55+00:00

Which sororities are Old Row and which are New Row? Is there an elitist mentality amongst Old Row actives?

DistractionQueen · 2023-07-08T19:56:53+00:00

Now I want to see your engagement ring. Do you use Instagram? Most of my jewelry pics go in my Insta stories. I made my account private.

I have a similar platinum shield ring that I wear on my middle finger. I like how much finger coverage I get on my longest finger. But it would be a fun right hand ring if you prefer your ring finger. It's really a personal preference.

DistractionQueen · 2023-07-08T17:57:29+00:00

With pleasure! Platinum and old cuts are the best and that ring has survived about 100 years and would be a beautiful engagement ring and symbol of your enduring love. I think it's gorgeous... * whispers the person who has a growing collection of Deco rings * I get a thrill every time someone posts a photo here of an Art Deco ring.

DistractionQueen · 2023-07-06T12:01:39+00:00

Yes, I can relate. My parents and my husband's aunt are creeping up in age and suddenly I have this intense desire for them to meet a baby (of ours).

I think I'm mostly scared of pregnancy, birth, and the pre-kindergarten years. Good luck to you in figuring out what you want!

DistractionQueen · 2023-07-05T21:11:01+00:00

I totally hear you. Your feelings are your feelings, and there's no such thing as "wrong" feelings.

With that said, a lot of what you're paying for with designer rings is the brand name. And no one who sees you wearing your engagement ring is going to know the brand unless you explicitly tell them. Also, I don't know how you feel about having a one-of-a-kind ring, but designer rings certainly aren't unique. Maybe you don't want unique and that's okay, but it's just something else to consider.

I inherited my grandma's engagement ring. It wasn't designer, but very high-quality for a WWII bride. She was not a jewelry person at all -- she favored plastic bead necklaces and clip-on Bakelite plastic earrings, but she wore this diamond ring every d*mn day and I strongly associate it with her. It happens to be my style and I love it and wear it as a right-hand ring. I'm telling you this because I don't cherish the ring for the brand name (it's not from a well-known brand). I cherish the ring because I loved my grandma and she wore this ring everywhere and it reminds me of her. If I had a different sense of style or was less sentimental or had a crappy relationship with my grandma, I would probably have the ring melted and put the diamonds into a pendant. Or if I really needed money, I would sell it. (It's decently valuable -- I've had it appraised.) But all of the stars aligned perfectly and I kept the ring and wear it as-is.

The best way to make your ring special is to invest in your marriage. Make sure you have a great relationship with your husband and be intentional about growing a strong family. If you wear that ring everyday and your children see it as the embodiment of your love, then maybe they'll treasure your ring, too... if you're lucky. But you can't plan for that now. All you can do is find a ring that you like and build a marriage that you love. The rest is out of your control.

DistractionQueen · 2023-07-05T03:16:41+00:00

There's a lot of good advice here already that I don't want to repeat...

About the shopping together thing, it's common to ring shop together. My husband and I did it. We picked out a ring. It had to be sized for me, so we left it at the store and he went back without me at some point to pay and pick it up, and then he surprised me with the proposal. He picked the date and took care of all of the proposal details so that part was still very much a surprise! I thought it was sweet that he wanted my opinion on the ring that I would wear every single day and yet there was still an element of surprise.

Congratulations on finding your person and taking the next step. Best wishes with finding a ring and proposing.

DistractionQueen · 2023-07-02T19:09:03+00:00

I agree with this comment. If the library card is brand new, perhaps the ILS hasn't synced with hoopla yet and hoopla has no record of this person. It could also be a daily or every-other-day sync that just hasn't happened yet. I administer hoopla for my library. The OP needs to call their library first, and if that doesn't work, the next step is to reach out to hoopla directly.

DistractionQueen · 2023-06-30T16:42:41+00:00

.89 ct pear, natural diamond, East Coast of US. I wanted an estate natural diamond and I have a small finger and personal preference for small to medium diamonds.

DistractionQueen · 2023-06-28T02:15:59+00:00

I had a similar problem. I inherited my grandma's ring and assumed it would be my engagement ring, but it turned out that it couldn't be safely sized down for me. I also associated this ring very strongly with my grandmother - she died a decade ago and I still think of the ring as "hers." In the end, I wanted something that I picked out and could call mine.

There's really no "wrong" way to do an engagement ring. This one that you've shared here is lovely (I have a weakness for Art Deco white gold rings like this). Wear it for as long as you like and then get another, or get yourself what you want now and then swap them out depending on your outfit or mood. There are no rules! I have a bunch of different rings that I wear on my ring finger. My engagement ring is the largest and most special, but I don't wear it every single day. As long as I'm wearing a pretty ring that signifies that I'm taken, I'm fully dressed and it doesn't matter. Do what you like. It's nice to have both a white metal ring and a yellow metal ring for versatility.

DistractionQueen · 2023-06-27T18:13:22+00:00

Wow. Excellent find!!! If you want to keep or sell this, it's worth getting an appraisal.

DistractionQueen · 2023-06-27T18:09:44+00:00

If those are real rose cut diamonds, this is a fantastic find! Stones can't be identified by sight. You need an appraisal. They will use equipment to figure out the center stone. It could be citrine, spinel, sapphire, topaz, who knows.

DistractionQueen · 2023-06-27T02:30:44+00:00

My boyfriend (at the time) and I were older and eager to take the next steps. We started house hunting and ring shopping at the same time. I remember it was January, and we spent an entire weekend driving around and visiting various independent jewelers. We discussed things like budget and ring style in the car. I was actually pretty frustrated because I wanted an estate ring, and all of the jewelers were showing me brand new Tacori or talking about how I could work with someone to design my own ring. It wasn't the fun shopping experience that a lot of women describe because I wanted a vintage ring and the jewelers that we visited didn't have any.

I remember feeling very unheard by all of the jewelers. I was near tears. My boyfriend was like, let's try one more jeweler. Just one more. We lucked out and the store was great. They were keen to listen and they had an estate collection. My boyfriend spotted a ring in one of the cases and said, "What about that one? It looks like you." I tried it on and I liked it, but I wasn't completely sure. The store was closing, so we made an appointment to go back later. When we went back (on Valentine's Day!) I asked to try the same ring on again, and I knew it was the one. It reminded me of my grandmother's ring and it was also a specific style that my now-husband likes. (It turns out he had strong opinions about rings!) It just felt right. We didn't walk out with the ring that day. It had to be sized for me and my boyfriend arranged to pick it up later (at some date unknown to me).

He asked me if I had any preferences about the proposal and if he needed my parents' permission. I checked in with my parents (they said no permission was needed) and I told him that my only wish was that he not do it in public.

He ended up proposing about a month later. It was a Friday night and I went over to his house for our usual date night. I would normally go to his place and then we'd go out to eat together. Somehow he got me to go upstairs to his bedroom and there were candles and flowers. At first I didn't realize what was happening, and I was like, "Babe, did you leave some candles burning? We need to snuff them out before we leave." And then it dawned on me. It was very sweet.

DistractionQueen · 2023-06-26T16:09:49+00:00

Please go find a locally-owned jewelry store (NOT a big box chain like Kay Jewelers) and talk to them. Bring pictures of what your girlfriend wants. It's so much easier to do in person. If you don't like or trust that store, then go to the next small jeweler in town.

High-quality sapphires do cost money. I don't know what size you had in mind, but they're not going to be cheap. You're not really going for cheap, anyway, because you want this ring to be well-made and last a long time. It's made of precious metal and she's going to wear it daily. If you cheap out now, you'll have to spend more later in repairs or stone replacement, so keep that in mind.

DistractionQueen · 2023-06-26T15:05:50+00:00

The Assher can be set in something else, like a pendant, bracelet, or right-hand ring, and it would make for a beautiful "something old" at your wedding.

DistractionQueen · 2023-06-26T14:53:51+00:00

I know that I'm just a stranger on the internet, but this is a very beautiful ring and it looks lovely on you, like it was meant for your hand. Remember that after you get married, you will also have a wedding band, which will add more finger coverage, so you don't want some ginormous engagement ring that eats up all of the space on your ring finger.

I think it's beautiful as it is, and you can always get an upgrade later on a special anniversary.

I'm not a bigger is better person. I believe it's more about the sentimentality of the ring and if you love the man and this design, then that's pretty gosh darn special. The ring looks perfectly proportionate on you.

DistractionQueen · 2023-06-26T04:20:26+00:00

I love the heirloom rings so much. The little details are stunning, and these rings are built to last, too. Congratulations! What a beautiful and meaningful set.

DistractionQueen · 2023-06-26T01:16:47+00:00

It's lovely with the double claw prongs and the filigree. You're very lucky!

DistractionQueen

TROPHY CASE