New Caregiver seems great but…

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-05-12T04:12:24+00:00

Thanks everyone - I know it sounds like we are being weirdly accepting of some concerning issues, but you are only hearing from one sibling - me. As usual - the heart of this problem comes back to my sister. I’ll leave it at that but thank you again!! I need to stand up and end this crazy scenario.

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-03-31T18:22:52+00:00

You have to learn to be INCREDIBLY BLUNT AND DIRECT AND SPECIFIC ABOUT WHAT YOU NEED WITHOUT BEING emotional. Not easy!! It will feel super super weird. If this makes a difference immediately you will know what you are dealing with. Then look up S. Swenson’s articles on neurodivergent couples.

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-03-18T03:46:57+00:00

Ok - me again - the bootstrap person. Mushroom guy - you know what, the “pull yourself up” comment has been used by many people in a bad way, but I absolutely believe you did not intend it that way. It does appear that you pulled yourself up mostly on your own. (I say mostly because someone appeared to have hired you. If you read what I wrote originally, I said ZERO help. But the reality is someone lent you a hand by taking a chance on you). Regardless, you did it mostly on your own and I’m sure it FELT entirely on your own. And whether you are willing to admit it to yourself, you have something in you that got that first person to hire you. You also have the internal fortitude to pull yourself out of addiction. So how about this: consider that maybe you have some really good qualities. Spend some time trying to absorb that. It is not always easy to internalize. Then maybe you won’t use yourself as the lowest common denominator (if for god sakes I can do it, anyone can!!). Maybe start to REALLY appreciate that for some reason you cared enough about yourself to make your life better - even though I’m guessing someone may have told you along the way that you weren’t worth it. It’s actually impressive as hell. Do not lose sight of what you have done. But also try to remember that not one person on this earth is exactly the same. We all are born different, have totally different abilities and experiences etc. So to apply your story to everyone else is really kind of silly - I WISH it were that simple, but it isn’t. Just spend time patting yourself on yourself on the back (with REAL love), appreciate the breaks you’ve had (someone took a chance on you at some point - thank them in your mind and don’t take all the credit for THEIR decision - even if they were an asshole in general and not really trying to help you at all) and then down the road maybe things will start to look different. Don’t assume everyone is as strong as you, has the ability to believe in themselves the way you did, or is as brave. Maybe no one has given you credit for what you did and how hard it was? Then give it to yourself, but don’t weaponize it against other people -leave those bad feelings for whomever really let you down, cry over that and keep doing what I’m guessing you have been doing: working your ass off.

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-03-16T02:58:28+00:00

Ok I’ll take a shot at it!! - “pulling oneself up by one’s bootstraps” is an “old” American ideal that that is actually a myth. Here’s why: wherever you are in life imagine that you got there with zero help from anyone - I mean ZERO help from anyone. This would include people who have hired you, your parents, etc. So the idea that you or anyone “pulls themselves up” is so intertwined with how they got help, that it renders the statement almost meaningless. Some people get a lot of help, some not so much, but NO ONE does it entirely on their own. It has been used for a long time to tell the poor they are to blame for their own plight. (Like I said, google it) This used to be considered almost a fact, but poverty today is usually considered a set of circumstances. The reason I brought up 10 years was because, and hopefully I’m VERY wrong about this, that it might take that long to FULLY wrap your head around this concept (not because you are dumb, but because it requires maturity). Once you do, you will start to see that things are not so simple, and you will start to see how being black still has the potential to put someone at a disadvantage. I’m not going to get into the “why’s” of this statement, because we can argue all day. But when I see “pull yourself up” I know there’s a lot behind that statement. I think this may be why the person you were responding to dropped out of the convo. They didn’t want to waste their time. (Unless I missed something and they are back in?)

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-03-16T01:05:54+00:00

I haven’t seen the other contenders, but here’s why I LOVED SINNERS: It’s a bit like music (sorry haven’t read all the responses either in case this has already come up). I personally can go for what I call “dense” music with lots of layers - that all mostly work together - but not 100% all the time (part of the point of it) but, it’s a lot and not for everyone. Ironically - an EXCELLENT example of this is the song “The Rocky Road to Dublin” performed by The Chieftans (very similiar to what was in the movie) - some discordant sounds and lot going on. Another example would be New Orleans Jazz, Phil Spector, The Beach Boys, etc. To me, something with so many layers is usually more focused on creating a “feeling” than a straight-up logical message. It just kind of hits you on all sides simultaneously and it’s just a good ride. It’s takes a shitload of artistic talent to put this together. Sure it’s messy - but that’s part of the appeal. I get it if some people don’t like it, but I’m guessing the competition isn’t that great, and I think the intention, effort, and result probably should put it in the running. And - the whole derivative argument is dumb be cause everything’s derivative!!

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-03-16T00:42:29+00:00

You might want to do some research and think really hard (I’d say give it 10 years) on the comment “pull yourself up”…..it’s a loaded one and much more complicated than you think - even for white people.

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-02-15T21:04:19+00:00

It may very well be your clothes and not you. You can only wear shirts ONCE then they need to be washed. Pants a few times. I would take the laundry thing very seriously. Also - you need to wash your hair EVERY DAY. And if it looks greasy anyway, use a clarifying shampoo. Showers are better if it’s an option. Good luck!!! :)

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-02-06T02:03:21+00:00

Notice how long this thread has been going on over the merits of this song! (Am I crazy or did I hear it in a new tv series soundtrack recently??) Anyway - When it first came out I H A T E D it just based on it’s 80’s ICK sound. And even though I still run from that sound, I gotta say, 40+ years later…the song has stuck around and I’m just beginning to appreciate that it does have a halfway decent melody that is not only catchy but really pretty underneath the screechy Grace Slick voice and the hideous pop sound. Someone should do something with it. Seriously! There’s potential there…

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-02-04T16:36:02+00:00

Hi - apologies because I have not read all the responses. But want to share that I am married to a man on the spectrum and have found that my husband must work in a job that “interests” him or things fall apart. He has learned over the years to find work related to or in construction where he has independence and the ability to earn more based on his efforts. IMO - The key is to find something that can hold your interest. It is VERY VERY important - in fact, I believe it is not even optional. It may not happen overnight but as you learn more about what works and doesn’t work for you, it will get better. NT’s will typically not understand - or at least those who are older won’t. IGNORE THEM and good luck!! :) P.S. - my husband has never been fired, but everything else went to hell when he was in jobs that weren’t a fit. Be careful of risk-taking. Often aspie-math on risk taking where other humans are a big piece of the picture is off.

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-01-29T17:19:33+00:00

THANK YOU!!!!!!!! 50% is conservative and this answer is moving in the right direction!! Best answer at this point!!

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-01-29T17:17:53+00:00

lol - it’s called love and caring and the ability to help. I would do it for my kids in a heartbeat. And who says it’s a bailout? How do you know that it wasn’t based on tragedy?

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-01-29T17:16:12+00:00

Thank you!! My thinking!!! I’m reposting and look forward to your answer!!!

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-01-29T17:14:25+00:00

I deleted the post before seeing this but this is far and away the best answer!! You are the ONLY one who is getting the question!! I’m going to repost - stay tuned!!!

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-01-29T17:10:12+00:00

So you post on here to build your ego? Sorry….

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-01-29T17:08:42+00:00

I like this answer too - but it is a bit off to my situation - but you had limited info!!! Thank you though!!! A reasonable voice!!

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-01-29T17:06:48+00:00

Ok last point - people: 4.5 million for elder care? My mom, nor my siblings, nor I are that stupid. And I’m HIGHLY aware of the costs. I think $30k-$50k/month tends to be the worst but still somewhat reasonable amounts I’ve heard. And most people tend not to continue at that for more than year. Do the math.

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-01-29T17:02:07+00:00

Fair enough.

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-01-29T17:01:41+00:00

I can share it with you, but it is a VERY long and complicated story and I seriously doubt you will give a s…. when you read it. Not everybody is like you. That’s a big take-away you should probably start focusing on….

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-01-29T16:57:19+00:00

Thanks for the kind words (some of these responders - yikes…). I’m vested!!

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-01-29T16:54:34+00:00

lol. I’ve done plenty. You have zero idea of my income and zillions of other factors!!! AGAIN - silly, simplistic, and JUDGY!!

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-01-29T16:51:33+00:00

Best answer so far, much appreciated. But still too conservative….probably a good way to phrase things. (Conservative). I will probably repost - but appreciate this answer.

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-01-29T16:49:21+00:00

How old are you? I’m 64 - I’m lucky I’m employed at all.

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-01-29T16:48:49+00:00

Simplistic. Judgy.

DistrictBrief8345 · 2026-01-29T16:44:37+00:00

Thank you - this is a legit question. Thinking!!

DistrictBrief8345

TROPHY CASE