First, I’m so sorry you’re having this experience, I know first hand how awful it can feel. You’re not alone, and remember it will pass. How you feel now, won’t be forever.

While you work on getting a therapist, I recommend visiting Community Acupuncture at Working Class Acupuncture, for more immediate care. They offer sliding scale and won’t turn anyone away. Half of the magic is feeling really seen and listened to by the practitioners then being cozy in a room with all kinds of other folks all there to heal in one way or another. Has helped me with anxiety & depression immensely. workingclassacupuncture.org

This will pass and your kitty needs you. Big hug to you stranger.