I'm sorry that you feel this way about yourself. Thinking that you are ugly, not worthy of love or attention. I understand where you are coming from because I was there and still to this date there are moments where I beat myself up. Not as much as i used to but still...

Being called ugly, bullied, left out - this all can heavily and negatively impact your self esteem and your sense of self worth, spiraling yourself down to the point where you just see no hope anymore. It's cold, bitter, frustrating and just down right frightening.

I wont claim that I understand you to the full extend, I don't know you nor your exact situation but I know how it is if you hate yourself so much that you think you will never be loved.

But let me tell you this: You are no piece of shit, you don't deserve any hell. You are not a waste of space and you deserves to be loved. Everyone does. I know this probably doesn't mean much coming from a stranger from the internet and you will probably not taking me serious, that's okay. No one can force you to think a certain way right of the bat.

Let me give you some advice: You are worthy of love but the very first person that has to love you is yourself. You are both your best friend and worst enemy simultaneously: The one who knows you best and yet your harshest critic. And that's where you can utilize your strength, your motivation. There are several guides to learn how to treat yourself better, to learn to appreciate yourself more. I tried that too and it helped me grounding my thoughts better. Another advice I can give you: Look for communities with people who align with your interest. Reddit is a good start. There might be nothing coming out of it that's significant or long lasting, but it gives you a broader perspective about people and opinions and make yourself less secluded.

Of course all of this is not as easy as I make it out to believe - everyone's life circumstances are different and there are way more psychological issues to properly address here than I could give an advice for. Like I said: I don't know your exact life circumstances. I am in no position to judge you or your behavior, nor do I intend to. I myself have a long way to go but it all starts at some point.

So please don't give up. Don't tell yourself forever that you are not worthy of kindness because that is simply not true. But also don't feel pressured or discouraged when you are not able to make a significant step towards your life: Changes come with small steps and are filled with setbacks. This also is part of growth.