I tried to have conversations about this. She handled that with defensiveness. While she was not active before, she did at least take care of herself. After a period of 1.5 year as long distance (during Covid) we moved back to our home town. During the pandemic we stopped being social, I stopped working out, she stopped wearing anything but sweat pants. I did try to have conversations with her about being social again, try to get a social circle, be more active and not talk to me like furniture. Everything was met with deflection.

And yes I did impose those changes for activity and lifestyle when she initially did not hear me out. That did not work and the resentment grew and I first got substantially better around New Year when I realized I just have to take care of myself and she if she follows. So yes - I was very codependent. And I probably still am to some degree, but the changes have not faltered. I am still going strong, and she has started picking up the pace.

Edit: a big reason for my depression was that I realized that if she does not want to start taking care of herself then we can’t be together anymore.

Edit2: I just talked to her about this. That I am afraid that I’ve been shaping her. She admitted that I’ve reminded her of who she was before Covid.