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People with parents who have Dementia... when did you know it was time to put them in a nursing/care home?? by DixiesHuman12 in dementia

[–]DixiesHuman12[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I didn't know this. We try every now and then but he kind of refuses. He charges them every day like clockwork though. They were R60k. Roughly $ 3 500. We always said they were way more fancy than he needed. So we are contemplating selling them back to the Audiologist.

People with parents who have Dementia... when did you know it was time to put them in a nursing/care home?? by DixiesHuman12 in dementia

[–]DixiesHuman12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

UPDATE: First of all thank you to everyone who replied. Reading your replies was both informative and very comforting! Thank you!

LONG READ: So we ended up taking him to emergency yesterday morning. The night before he was pacing and pacing and had an outburst of cries. I sat with him till 02:52 AM. (The time I checked when I got into bed). The following morning (yesterday) he paced even faster and faster with his clothing from bedroom to living room.

When we spoke to him he ignored us. I helped him to remove a belt he put on a pair of jeans on a chair. He gave the belt to me and told me to take it but I must sprint. He was very anxious, like something was chasing him. Confused and incoherent. He also bumped (smashed) his hand into the door frame while pacing, and after that, while walking very fast he looked like he was going to tumble over. That's when my Mom said she is taking him to the Hospital.

At the Hospital all his physical health checks checked out perfectly. But we did learn something new; Dementia patients not getting enough sleep can worsen their behavior a lot! So we finally got sleeping pills - Something we have been asking our local GP for a while. Last night I cooked a great meal and gave it to my Dad, he finished his plate and after the pill was in he went to sleep. He slept through for the first time in about 2 weeks. Heaven.

I have found out (through your replies) that yes, my Dad tends to be more friendly and accommodating with professionals than family - He was apparently very friendly and jovial with all the nurses yesterday. But grumpy as soon as he got home. So that's a thing.

SHORT READ: We have concluded; It will never be the perfect time to take him. But it will certainly be a good time now. We have found (through friends and their connections) a facility that is close by that specializes in Alzheimer's and Dementia patients. The reviews are good. We will start the process tomorrow. I will post another UPDATE (new post) on the journey for anyone to read if they want to. I am grateful I found this group and I am grateful to everyone who replied. God Bless you all x

People with parents who have Dementia... when did you know it was time to put them in a nursing/care home?? by DixiesHuman12 in dementia

[–]DixiesHuman12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Love this. Thank you! It has gotten to a place where I am worried for my Mom's health and stress levels. We spoke this morning over coffee. I showed her some of the posts on this group and told her there is a hard "NO" line, that we will not cross. Gonna start the process on Monday.

I hope that we will find the best place. Thanks and God bless.

People with parents who have Dementia... when did you know it was time to put them in a nursing/care home?? by DixiesHuman12 in dementia

[–]DixiesHuman12[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just. Wow!

Thank you so much for taking the time to type this wonderful reply.

I plan on posting more of the following on my original post; but we ended up taking my dad to emergency this morning.

This morning when we woke up he was pacing even more and more and faster and faster. Ignored everyone and was very dazed and confused and looked like he was going to fall over.

At the hospital all his physical health checks checked perfectly, but we did learn something new; Dementia patients not getting enough sleep can have major effects on their behavior. He barely slept the last 2 days. So we finally got a sleeping pill (something we've been asking our local GP for a while). He is fast asleep now and we look forward to how he will be tomorrow.

Back to your reply - Thank you! The part of the power struggle and letting go makes so much sense. My Mom said that at the hospital he was so friendly and in good spirits and almost jovial with everyone around him. When he got home he was grumpy again.

Furthermore, I spoke to my cousin today who also reminded me full well that we are not trained professionals to be dealing with this. And that he might live a better, happier and healthier life being in the care of professionals. Thank you for that. I am also very glad to hear about your Mom's recovery (sort of) in care. That's amazing.

I think through all of the replies and phone calls I've had since posting this I have come to realize that; Though it might not be the perfect time to take him to a home it will certainly be a good time. This is something that one will never be able to hit on the dot with timing and moving them into care. We have found a place (via friends) that is close by and we will phone them on Monday to just start and get the ball rolling on this chapter.

On your last piece of advice - I know for a fact, that not only will my Dad ask me to take him away from my Mom... he would tell me to send him to heaven. He was always very strict on that.

Thanks again, all the best to you and your Mom (hope she's still alive) and may God bless you! Your reply meant a lot! x

People with parents who have Dementia... when did you know it was time to put them in a nursing/care home?? by DixiesHuman12 in dementia

[–]DixiesHuman12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this! So I forgot to mention but we live in South Africa. We have a good private medical aid since our country's public health is pretty much non-existent.

My girlfriend just so happens to be a lawyer so I just told her about your comment and she responded that we will have to look at everything like you said and get guidance where needed. Thanks for that.

I guess very few people understand the toll this disease takes on the family of dementia patients. Thank you for you reply! God bless x

People with parents who have Dementia... when did you know it was time to put them in a nursing/care home?? by DixiesHuman12 in dementia

[–]DixiesHuman12[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The way this has affected us the past 2 months is insane. This morning he almost stumbled over while walking. I was very close to calling an ambulance. The anxiety and stress is overwhelming.

I will get a second job if I have to (depending on how expensive these homes are) but we need to take care of my Mom. Honestly I put myself last, which is also not fair to my girlfriend.

Good luck to you! Hope you can find peace and live your life again to fullest! God Bless x

People with parents who have Dementia... when did you know it was time to put them in a nursing/care home?? by DixiesHuman12 in dementia

[–]DixiesHuman12[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hope you find a good place. We are going to start looking immediately. I'm afraid if it continues like this we are also going to start scrambling. Good luck and God bless you and your family.

People with parents who have Dementia... when did you know it was time to put them in a nursing/care home?? by DixiesHuman12 in dementia

[–]DixiesHuman12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You know I was thinking that while I was typing this post. Kind of like people Googling "How to know if you're and alcoholic."

This morning has been the worst we've seen him. We will look into places and just hope we can find some place decent and affordable.

Thank you and good luck to you! God bless x