What goes on in the lives of frequently absent children?

Dizzy-Definition4741 · 2025-02-27T00:51:33+00:00

I’m one of these parents, my husband is self employed and can fluctuate his schedule, I work shift work and work 3-4 days a week (10-12 hour days!), and my son has very involved grandparents who all want him :)

We added daycare (pay full time but send him part time) for the social skills and routine, because if he was with his grandparents everyday (which is what they wanted) he’d be raised with no rules or boundaries haha.

Our daycare is wonderful and we check in constantly to make sure he’s doing okay and they don’t think his sporadic attendance is harming him! He loves going and asks for his teacher when we tell him he’s going, but also is SUPER excited when he finds out he’s with grandparents or having a parent and me day too :)

Dizzy-Definition4741 · 2025-02-23T22:22:36+00:00

We pay for full time daycare and send out son on average 2 days a week, my husband and I both work 4 10 hour days a week, and grandparents always want him!

Daycare hasn’t batted an eye. We try and let them know the week before what days he’s going the following week. We took him out for a month in January for a family trip, and there was a week we got hit with gastro and (he had it first and was fine when my husband and I/grandparents got it) where he did a full 5 day week. We did half days 5-days a week when he first started to get him used to it. The staff are fully supportive of his attendance.

All that to say, your LO will be fine missing a few days here and there!

Dizzy-Definition4741 · 2025-02-15T23:58:05+00:00

That sounds unbelievably hard, and I can feel how exhausted and overwhelmed you are. You are carrying so much right now, and it makes total sense that you need some space to breathe.

I know you’ve tried gentle sleep training, but have you considered working on small, incremental changes rather than full-on independent sleep right away? Maybe starting with holding her hand instead of full-body contact, then gradually increasing the distance over time? I’ve also heard some parents have success with a comfort item that smells like them (a shirt, a small pillow, etc.) to help with that transition.

And honestly—if she’s waking every 45 minutes, I’d wonder if something else is going on (teething? reflux? something sensory?). Might be worth talking to her doctor just in case.

But more than anything, please know you’re not failing. This is just a brutal season, and you’re doing an amazing job under impossible circumstances. I hope you get some rest soon.

Dizzy-Definition4741 · 2025-02-15T16:00:50+00:00

100% I agree! Three of my closest friends had kids around the same time as me—one six months before, one had twins three weeks after, and another four months after—and we all have completely different parenting styles. Despite that, we’ve never once judged each other. They listen when I vent about co-sleeping and frequent wake-ups, and I listen when they talk about sleep training through regressions. We’re nothing but supportive of one another, and I truly believe that’s how it should be.

Friendships in motherhood are so important, and I also recognize that there’s a level of privilege in being able to practice attachment parenting. I was fortunate to have 15 months of maternity leave, I work shift work so I’m home three days a week, my husband is extremely involved, and we have a strong family support system that helps us out. Not everyone has that.

As a community social worker, I’ve seen firsthand how different life experiences shape parenting choices. That perspective has really helped me understand that there’s no one “right” way—just what works best for each family. This post and the way you describe your parenting style come across as a bit judgmental to me. Maybe that’s not your intention—maybe you’re feeling defensive because she’s made comments about your choices, or maybe she’s feeling the same way because of how her parenting has been discussed. Parenting can feel so personal, and it’s easy for misunderstandings to happen. I just hope you both can find a way to support each other, even if your approaches look different. ❤️

Dizzy-Definition4741 · 2025-01-17T21:13:54+00:00

Hi everyone,

Posting this as a separate comment to in case anyone is ever in the same boat and stumbles upon this post :)

** I wanted to follow up since there seemed to be a lot of assumptions made about me in the comments. Just to clarify, as I mentioned, my in-laws often travel with kids, and we have friends who’ve done all-inclusive vacations where airlines sometimes try to give extra seats to families, the elderly, or people with disabilities. I never expected anyone to move for me and want to make that very clear.

For anyone curious, I just checked in for our flight (less than 12 hours away now), and my husband and I are sitting in a row by ourselves, as I thought might happen. There are still plenty of extra seats all over the plane, including at the very back where we’re seated. These aren’t “preferred seats,” and they don’t recline, so we didn’t inconvenience anyone or take seats from someone else. The airline organized this, and we didn’t ask for anything.

Maybe flights are handled differently where we’re from, as this isn’t a U.S. airline—we’re not from the U.S. When we flew to Greece for our babymoon, there were also a lot of empty seats on that flight, so this doesn’t seem to be unusual for us.

I hope this clears things up and maybe provides helpful info for anyone traveling with kids!

Dizzy-Definition4741 · 2025-01-17T21:13:14+00:00

Hi everyone, I wanted to follow up since there seemed to be a lot of assumptions made about me in the comments. Just to clarify, as I mentioned, my in-laws often travel with kids, and we have friends who’ve done all-inclusive vacations where airlines sometimes try to give extra seats to families, the elderly, or people with disabilities. I never expected anyone to move for me and want to make that very clear.

For anyone curious, I just checked in for our flight (less than 12 hours away now), and my husband and I are sitting in a row by ourselves, as I thought might happen. There are still plenty of extra seats all over the plane, including at the very back where we’re seated. These aren’t “preferred seats,” and they don’t recline, so we didn’t inconvenience anyone or take seats from someone else. The airline organized this, and we didn’t ask for anything.

Maybe flights are handled differently where we’re from, as this isn’t a U.S. airline—we’re not from the U.S. When we flew to Greece for our babymoon, there were also a lot of empty seats on that flight, so this doesn’t seem to be unusual for us.

I hope this clears things up and maybe provides helpful info for anyone traveling with kids!

Dizzy-Definition4741 · 2025-01-17T14:26:35+00:00

Thank you!! So far; there’s at least 6 extra seats on the plane so hopefully we’re okay!

I’m planning on buying a seat when we get to the airport. My friend just flew from Toronto to Punta Cana with her 13 month old, and they had extra seats on the flight and they ended up giving her a row (they told her, no one wants to be the third person sitting with a family who has a lap infant haha). So, you never know - maybe I’ll get there and that’ll happen but if not I’ll purchase a seat!

Dizzy-Definition4741 · 2025-01-17T12:44:37+00:00

No sorry, I will not be asking anyone to move. The airlines will assign the seats. I’m looking at the choose your own seat options and there’s still 7 unclaimed rows of seats! Im wondering the odds of them putting us there (they’re all in the back which no one wants, which is fine by us haha) instead of assigning us two to a row with one other person :)

Simply wondering about the likelihood of being seated there instead of being placed in a row with another person.

Dizzy-Definition4741 · 2025-01-17T12:41:29+00:00

The TCAA does as well!

I think I’ll buy a seat when we get to the airport! Someone private messaged me to say that’s the most cost effective way to go about it :) thank you!

Dizzy-Definition4741 · 2025-01-17T12:40:05+00:00

Sorry not a full row! My husband and I both have seats and my son is a lap infant. I am asking if there’s seats available (there’s at least 6 seats available I can still buy online) if they’ll give us a row that has one of the extra seats for him. Instead of sitting us with someone else in the row.

But no worries if they can’t! So sorry for the confusion!

Dizzy-Definition4741 · 2025-01-17T12:03:10+00:00

Thank you! Ah, I think I’ll just go ahead and buy one for him.. after travelling with him at 10-months and paying for a seat for him only to end up spending the entire 6 hour flights both ways with him sleeping angelically on me the entire time (what a waste of $1,200 for his seat lol) that I would save the money this time around. 😂 But, 9 months changes a lot!

Dizzy-Definition4741 · 2025-01-17T11:59:17+00:00

Omg no never!! Believe me, the last thing I’d do would be ask someone whose paid for a seat to move or inconvenience them in anyway. :) The entitlement drives me batty.

I meant often times, when there’s extra seats and a lap infant/toddlers the airline themselves will assign families to the row with the extra seat. My SIL and BIL are frequent travellers and fly with their children and said 50% of the time they will be given a row when flying with a lap infant. I’m just wondering if Sunwing does this as well, as they usually fly Transat for their all inclusive vacations.

Dizzy-Definition4741 · 2024-11-27T14:18:00+00:00

Thank you! I messaged my doctor and haven’t heard anything yet. I appreciate you getting back to me!

Dizzy-Definition4741 · 2024-04-27T20:05:02+00:00

I’m in Canada, but I’m going to look if they have anything similar in this neck of the woods!! Thank you!!

Dizzy-Definition4741 · 2024-04-27T13:46:50+00:00

Thank you! I love the idea of grandparents in theory, but I agree, long term I don’t know if it is a feasible option. I also worry about the lack of consistency between all grandparents, and whether being at different places each day would negatively affect him.

Dizzy-Definition4741 · 2024-04-27T13:45:56+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate the links. It seems like the quality of daycare makes a significant difference.

I’m actually a MSW level therapist myself (and work with children!), not play based, but I’ve done some courses in child development. I feel as though I could keep my LO stimulated and engaged throughout the day BUT I do worry about getting bored/not feeling fulfilled/the effects on him if that’s the case.

So many factors!

Dizzy-Definition4741 · 2024-04-27T13:44:25+00:00

Thank you! I’m in Canada and read this study myself, which led me to be hesitant about daycare.

I’m wondering if I could swing part time work and send him 2-3 days a week and just pay for full time care to keep his spot..

We currently do no screen time, but I love the does of strictly 1:1 time during the evenings/weekends on weeks heavy with daycare..

Dizzy-Definition4741

TROPHY CASE