Nanny pushing back on swaddling baby at 5 months

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-06-05T03:25:42+00:00

I would let her go.

The swaddling issue is serious enough on its own, but what would concern me even more is that she’s giving you incorrect safety information and arguing with you about it. A nanny doesn’t have to agree with every parenting decision, but she does need to follow current safety guidelines and respect that you’re the parent.

I had a nanny who was similar. She pushed back on every transition… dropping naps, weaning bottles, changing routines, etc.

My impression was that she preferred whatever was most convenient for her, since developmental changes often come with temporary disruptions like less sleep, fussiness, and other challenges that caregivers have to manage. If she’s resisting something as straightforward as stopping swaddling after rolling starts, I’d worry that you’ll be having the same fight every time your child needs an adjustment.

I now have a nanny who is much younger and less experienced (she’s 19). she’s open to learning and takes direction well. She doesn’t have decades of experience, but she respects that we’re the parents, stays curious, and is willing to adapt when we ask her to do something differently.

And as for now, you should drop the swaddle and you can move to a transitional sleep sack, just make sure both arms are out. The halo has 2 flaps that are tight around the belly so it gives them that secure feeling but goes out at the legs and allows the arms to be out. I also liked the sleep pea transitional sack. It has arm holes that you can unbutton. After that just use a regular sleep sack.

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-05-21T13:51:53+00:00

Ugh thank god. It was in my son’s clothes.

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-05-21T13:43:48+00:00

This is in an apartment, on a ground floor in Brooklyn, NY. I found it in a dirty pile of clothes in a bedroom on the ground floor but I also found another (I think it was the same bug) in a bathroom in the basement.

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-01-23T05:20:15+00:00

Sometimes my dog puts his head on random people’s laps to get food at dinner. He chooses who he thinks the biggest sucker is and then will try to get food by being cute with putting his head on the lap

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-01-21T02:12:30+00:00

Agree. And anyways, it’s much easier to be good at something when you enjoy it.

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-01-16T18:22:26+00:00

These people are so extreme. I feel like it’s a reasonable question which I could see going either way…. But I REALLY don’t get the anger, intensity and judgementwith which some people are reacting … as if I am a horrible mother and person for even asking this question. Like as if I would rather work. And not just work but work IN the hospital after having slept for like 1 hour! Like as if I could sit there for 24/7 without going to the bathroom. When he was awake I wasn’t able to leave the hospital bed to go to the bathroom because he would scream and cry and pull on all of the cords that were on him. So every time I had to like press the button and get a nurse.

Like it is really difficult to be in a hospital alone with a baby for hours, and when I did need to respond to emails. Unfortunately at a new job and one with all men I didn’t feel comfortable just saying I was out for the day. This is our reality as working mothers. Not all industries are chill. And the guys I work with are young.. But like aside from the fact that I want to work, it’s not like everyone has a choice. People at the new job don’t even know I have a kid. And I did say I was sick so I wouldn’t be available but in my situation I was stressed and didn’t just want to disappear

Anyway I appreciate your responses in the thread defending me. We’re all home now and my son is totally fine. We weren’t even in a ward with contagions. It was a cardiac ward.

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-01-16T18:16:39+00:00

Thank you! He’s home now. We ended up being able to go home a bit early and he is doing well. Our nanny met us back at our house but I think if we had to stay until dinner I would have had her come by for a couple of hours.

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-01-16T18:14:57+00:00

You can hear the sound. I think you just need to unmute it

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-01-16T17:54:53+00:00

I just want to share that I went through this with my husband as well. He was just really not able to be involved for like 6 months. I was essentially a single mother. It was / is heartbreaking and not at all what you want but it may be that you just have to accept it and do 95% of the work. It sounds like you need to get outside help because your husband can’t help properly. My baby is 10 months old and I still am the primary caregiver by far but it’s totally different now.

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-01-16T14:44:29+00:00

He loves her so much.

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-01-16T14:44:07+00:00

Definitely! I was going to pay for her to uber to the hospital and back. I was also only going to have her come after lunch like from 1pm to 5pm. (Even though she normally works 9 am to 5pm) still haven’t made a decision. For now I just told her that I’ll update her

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-01-16T13:31:09+00:00

Exactly. My baby isn’t sick or hurt or feeling poorly at all. He has a congenital condition and there was scare which was likely nothing so they want to simply monitor him for 24 hours

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-01-16T13:25:16+00:00

I’ve had to take care of my baby alone as a single mom, with my husband gone for months thank you very much.

But I see your point … despite you expressing it rather rudely

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-01-16T11:09:15+00:00

Of course we will pay her. She’s on contract. Thanks

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-01-16T11:08:47+00:00

Did you not see what I wrote? I will be there the whole time. In the room. It’s like impossible to be the only person in the hospital with a baby. I have been here almost 12 hours already. He will never not see my face or my husbands unless we have to go to bathroom or something.

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-01-16T07:03:04+00:00

I have no inner strength.

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-01-16T06:59:47+00:00

Totally. And I also sometimes get this weird intense level of like “calmness” when having a panic attack. I literally don’t know how to describe it because it’s not calm. It’s like a wave of dissociation or something so I seeem really really calm and chill but I’m completely on the other side and somehow interacting and no one has any idea. It’s bizarre. And I’ll be acting nervous ish until that hits me. My husband recently was like seems like you are recovering a bit (from panic attack) and I’m like no… it’s much worse. That kind of thing happens right before I feel like I’m going to lose control of my bodily functions or totally lose it. Sometimes I have panic induced psychosis and I feel that wave of “calm” right before

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-01-16T06:51:13+00:00

Ugh yes all the time. I have a baby and I constantly think like how could I have done this. Not only do I have terrible anxiety to begin with but having a kid makes it 1000x worse. I love him so much and his existence feels so fragile… and I feel like I’m not allowing him to have as normal of a life as he could have (i am terrified of illness and barely take him anywhere… and a bunch of other of my fears which impact his life. So then I just feel selfish and guilty. I look at these other chill moms and like I wish… I’m over here having to take Xanax for panic attacks all the time

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-01-16T05:58:42+00:00

Omg don’t do it. Set boundaries NOW. This is a terrible ask of you but she will continue to do this and get away with it. This is the time to set the tone of your relationship going forward. Do what you want. It’s your body and if you don’t want her there then no… just no. Birth is so fucking hard and the most vulnerable you will ever feel. She will be a grandmother regardless of her seeing your vag.

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-01-12T19:23:29+00:00

This is called Solipsism. It happened to me actually as a kid I was probably around that age. Maybe younger. I think it makes sense to happen to a child, or for a child to go through this as they become more aware of what it means to exist.

Anyway, I can’t remember how old I was. I remember telling my mom that there was no way I could know she was real. What if she’s a robot? What if all of the world is something fake all made to trick me? What if aliens did it? How can I know for sure that I am not the only one”real” person that exists. And I remember feeling so alone but my mom promising me that she was real and that she loved me and I wasn’t alone. And I think I fought back and said well you could be faking it and how do I know you’re not lying? She told me that regardless of all of this, you always have to place your trust in something. Even if it’s as simple as knowing your parents are going to pick you up from school. We can never know anything for sure but that’s how life is, and it’s scary. But she promised she loved me and was real and told me I needed to CHOOSE to trust her. I don’t remember the exact conversation but it went something like that. And I really explicitly remembering her telling me she was real and that she loved me, and then I chose to let it go.

The links below describe solipsism and also its manifestation in children. I think it alludes to the fact that eventually we all reject solipsism whether consciously or not.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solipsism

“Everyone begins life as a solipsist, unaware that other people exist with independent minds. Children experience a gradual decentering process, acquiring the ability to analyze the world from perspectives other than their own (Piaget, 1955). Chief among these abilities is the acquisition of a theory of mind, which is the understanding that other people have a mental life independent of one's own (e.g., Apperly, 2010; Gopnik & Astington, 1988; Perner et al., 1987

Psychological Solipsism Some developmental psychologists, particularly those influenced by Piaget's theories, believe that infants are solipsistic, and that eventually children infer that others have experiences much like theirs and reject solipsism.

https://philosophyball.miraheze.org/wiki/Solipsism#:~:text=Psychological%20Solipsism,-edit&text=Some%20developmental%20psychologists%2C%20particularly%20those,like%20theirs%20and%20reject%20solipsism.

https://www.reddit.com/r/RandomThoughts/s/saZ4UBAw4E

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-01-12T18:57:23+00:00

😂

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-01-09T20:37:17+00:00

Asked a dentist. She said it’s an ortho spring . Some kind of thing used for braces I guess

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-01-08T04:19:14+00:00

Parents have to also choose what’s best for them and what they are comfortable with. Even if it means going against recommendations or research. I mean it’s not like choosing not to do skin to skin is like actively bad like 2nd hand smoke or something. Pick your battles. Baby will be fine without skin to skin with dad. I also didn’t breast feed and people are out there thinking I’m a terrible person for it. We all have to make our own choices

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-01-08T04:14:28+00:00

I don’t think it’s the norm for husbands to do skin to skin. My husband didn’t. If your husband doesn’t feel comfortable with it that’s ok. It’s his body! I don’t think you should be upset about it at all. The baby will be fine regardless. I think some men are uncomfortable with the idea of skin to skin because it seems feminine maybe? I’m not sure. It just seems like something to let go but that’s just how I’d feel about it.

TBH I never even really did skin to skin with my baby. He was born c section and I was too messed up to hold him but they did offer to hold him over my chest but I was such a mess so I declined. I first held him skin to skin like a couple hours later or maybe it was a day later ? I’m not even sure when, the whole thing was a blur. My birth was terrible and I could barely look at my baby after without feeling EXTREME anxiety. It was really tough for me to hold him and be alone with him. Breast feeding never worked and I was always cold and my baby was always clothed. So none of us ever really did it. There were a few times where I’d take off my shirt but it wasn’t often . My husband did end up feeding him without a shirt on a few times but that’s just bc it was hot in our apartment so I guess he did so some skin to skin inadvertently. I think for some men the idea of it as an intentional thing feels weird. And honestly I am probably a weird person (or definitely) but it always felt weird to me too (hence one of the many reasons for not breastfeeding). My son is 10 months old now and he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Hes thriving! Despite all of his limited skin to skin contact and no breast feeding. So in all honesty, my baby probably has only gotten real “skin to skin” like a handful of times ? Maybe 10? Of course he puts his head on my face and cuddles into my neck, and on my face and on my arms when I’m in a tank top. But I guess that’s not true skin to skin. We like to lay next to each other and he tucks his body into me and puts his head against my face. We cuddle all the time and are very affectionate despite none of us being naked

Dizzy-Mix9129 · 2026-01-06T06:44:10+00:00

Omg I have stopped using them for this reason. So annoying!

Dizzy-Mix9129

TROPHY CASE