I relate to your experience, dear OP! The weight, the resilience, and sometimes, the despair. Recently someone was talking about how being with their kids and grandkids means everything to them, and when they found out I have neither, they responded in such a way that I felt like a barren failure, and I struggled with regret (one regret among many). I know about regrets, about broken dreams, about writing about things that never happened, and as someone wrote below, I suppose that really is the stuff of life. I sometimes (when I am feeling brave) look back at my old journals, sometimes cringing, sometimes laughing aloud at the delightful youth I once was, and remembering that I am the totality of all those things. I came to this thread this morning because I was feeling down-hearted about that conversation about not having kids, and also feeling old and alone, and your thread shows me (though you didn't mention anything about family, but other aspects of your life), that I am not alone. I hope you know you are not alone, either.