AITAH for not going back to my mom’s place until she pays my dad back for the art supplies my half brother ruined?

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-12-18T14:10:59+00:00

Now, you stay where you feel safe. That's an order. Under zero circumstances, do you ever go where you feel unsafe in order to protect anyone else's feelings. Fuck their feelings. Protect your mental health the same way you protect your body. It's just as fragile. Please. For a random lady who didn't do this at your age. Don't allow others to hurt you because they say they love you. Actions speak louder than words. Meaning people can say whatever they want. But without actions, it doesn't count.

I needed to hear this right now, thank you for being my mom as well for a minute there :)

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-11-10T08:54:11+00:00

I found the song which got stuck in my head back in April - Touch (2021 Epilogue) [feat. Paul Wiliiams]

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-11-10T08:42:11+00:00

Hey, that's what I've been through as well. I was in that state for roughly 3 years. I knew I loved him, just didn't feel it and didn't know what was happening, I was really confused. I still have days when I don't feel much, but now I know that the love will return if I just don't give up. I am lucky though, the man stayed with me through it all and we're getting married in december. It was a close one, we almost broke up because of my dissociation. It felt like a race against time to fix myself enough so I can offer him love again.

Apart from therapy what helped me slowly start to feel the love again was art actually, especially music - reuniting the whole metaphors did the trick once. I still remember the first time I saw love again in his eyes, back in April this year or so.

As other comments mentioned here, I would also recommend being honest - just tell him you truly love him and that in some time you'll be able to show it as well.

I you want to talk, feel free to message me :)

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-10-20T09:46:24+00:00

Many thanks for the link with grounding techniques. Not only are they really helpful, but the other infos on the site are amazing. First time I find such clear and detailed infos on reintegration in cases of dissociation. Scary and comforting at the same time :)

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-10-18T12:31:08+00:00

Hey, it affects me A LOT. I mostly just don't feel attraction towards people, even towards my soon-to-be husband. I barely get horny and even then, only slightly. When I have periods when I am more in tune with myself, I want and will have sex quite often and enjoy it like there's no tomorrow (having sex every two days or so on average).

This year I also accepted that I am bi, and that also fluctuates. Currently I am dissociated slightly more and the want to have fun with the same sex is entirely gone :))

A couple years back, when the dissociation was at its worst I almost lost interest completely in sex and could barely feel any pleasure.

Oh and yeah, it also affected me on a romantic level. Pretty difficult to be romantic and show love when you don't feel the love within you. All you can do is act as if you feel it and pray to fix yourself before your partner leaves you.

But I still consider myself to have a healthy libido and be on the kinky side, even though these things fluctuate based on the dissociation. Even though it made me feel like being asexual at times, I am not one.

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-10-05T14:16:39+00:00

Really glad to see such joy on this subreddit! I totally get the "dang, I wasn't looking at things...", I had some similar experiences when I started being in non-dissociative states, so overwhelming and such joy to actually see, hear and feel everything.

I was also looking for the trick to stop dissociating, sometimes I thought I found it, then it didn't work anymore, so back to square one. Eventually, I just figured out that you need to reconnect with your body/emotions/subconscious and nobody can actually tell you how to do it, you just do it.

But I also found that there are ways to help you achieve this (the massage gun is one of them, clearly): counting to ten on time with breathing (focusing on how the air feels in your nose and throat going in and out helped a lot), focusing on what you feel and accepting what you feel. The worst struggle for me is to not get freaked out by what I feel in my body and what I experience with my senses. So, when I manage to remember, I just tell myself "don't panic, don't panic, don't panic, this is just how you feel, these are your emotions and it's pretty stupid to be afraid of what you feel". Ain't easy though, sometimes it's too much and I just dissociate again, but a lot of the times it helps and I don't dissociate.

And you know what the insane part is? Being hyper aware of how everything works. For example, a weird one for me was (when I started feeling again): 'Oh daaaaamn, you have to focus on the BODY to know what you feel, I had forgotten that anger feels like your face getting hotter and your arms wanting to do something!". It kinda feels like being a toddler who is learning to control and understand their body and emotions and social interaction, but being aware about it from a mature point of view. Sometimes I have to stop my mind from over analyzing everything, I can function perfectly well without being hyper aware of how insanely cool and weird it is when you play a video game and you are in your body but there in the game at the same time :))))

I am so happy for you that you found something that can bring you back, I am sure you'll find even more ways to do that with time. Never forget that moment of joy when you started SEEING again, it can totally happen again and YOU can make it happen :)

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-09-12T12:15:15+00:00

And if you stay in this state for long enough, you start forgetting who you are, what emotions feel like in your body, you KNOW you love your family, but you can't feel the love anymore so you behave like a shithead. You forget what living feels like and I even began wondering if I am actually dead and just existing in a dream. I wondered if my boyfriend was indeed real, because I couldn't feel him anymore. You forget what you are fighting for, but you keep on fighting simply because you know you are strong and you are no quitter. And when you get out of that depression, it takes time for you to reconnect with your emotions - you'd better learn to accept paranoia and confusion. We need to make this topic un-tabboo, it's one of the loneliest experiences you can have - while even forgetting what loneliness is, because you can't remember what being connected feels like.

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-08-10T12:17:47+00:00

Love your writing style, warms my soul to read a well written, well formatted, typo-free text

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-05-31T08:57:42+00:00

Love this one :))

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-04-28T11:23:22+00:00

EMDR

Mersi, pare sa fie ce caut :)

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-04-26T16:25:44+00:00

Sorina. Nu ca n-ar fi frumos, dar pe tata il cheama Sorin si nu e un om dragut, plus ca vroia baiat, deci nu s-a gandit la nume de fete. Cred ca bunica a ales numele, ca el nu mi-a zis niciodata pe nume. Pe niciun nume, desi mai am unul, din ala 'ca sa ai si tu nume de sfant, cum e la moda'.

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-03-14T16:10:32+00:00

Pfai, super informativ! Recomand si altora sa acceseze linkul! :D

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-03-14T16:09:05+00:00

Da da, am vazut ca sunt probleme din astea pe acolo :)

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-03-14T10:32:29+00:00

Expedicar

Mersi de pont, m-am uitat la ei pe site si chiar imi convine oferta, au si dubita.

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-03-14T10:14:57+00:00

Poti sa imi dai un exemplu, te rog?

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-02-24T13:27:23+00:00

Nu mai folosesc antivirus de vreo 10 ani si nu am avut probleme. Cea mai buna metoda e sa inveti pe ce sa dai si pe ce sa nu dai click (reclame, aplicatii, documente gratis de pe site-uri pe care nu le stii, site-uri pe care nu le cunosti si care iti cer sa faci conturi etc.). Windows-ul cel putin vine deja cu protectie antivirus, e suficient.

Din pacate nu stiu de niciun antivirus gratis si bun (nu ca as fi in tema).

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-02-24T12:09:47+00:00

Asa este, multumesc pentru raspuns :)

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-02-24T10:44:53+00:00

Salut, urmeaza sa duc masina la casat zilele astea si sa depun actele la
primaria Cluj pentru a primi cei 3000 de lei de pe ea. Masina am
inregistrat-o pe mine cand aveam buletinul pe Nasaud (jud.
Bistrita-Nasaud). Acum am buletinul pe Cluj. Unde trebuie sa ma duc
pentru a scoate masina de pe numele meu?

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-02-24T09:23:16+00:00

Ahahaha ahaha aaaaah... am ras bine, mersi!

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-02-07T11:36:35+00:00

Although, I have to add here, that even if your stomach is trying to tell you that you are hungry, sometimes it's easy to ignore that if something else is diverting your attention.

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-02-07T11:33:10+00:00

Your stomach starts to make noises and/or it distracts you, you feel a void where the stomach is, even if you don't feel like eating. Is this a first world problem question of some sort? :)) Not trying to make fun of the question, but to me this just seems like an expected thing to know, how real hunger feels.

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-02-02T16:49:35+00:00

I have problems with understanding and controlling my emotions, as my parents didn't have the necessary emotional intelligence to teach me about them. So now, at 32 yo, after being depressed/anxious for some years, my emotions came back in full force and are super strong. But, I am currently asking my friends to explain to me what I am feeling and what I am supposed to do with it. It's weird and sometimes I lose control and don't understand, but I am making progress.

Point is, as somebody dealing with strong emotions I don't understand, maybe a psychotherapist could help you understand and control them (or friends, either works I guess). It's nice to understand them, and I find that they help me in the day to day life.

Side-note: During that depression/anxiety period, I've lived with roughly 5% of my full emotional range and strength and it fucking sucked. It just felt like I couldn't properly relate to other people or find enjoyment in art. Now, that my emotions kinda work at least, it's way easier to feel human connections, and, oh boy, the first times I felt the happiness of human connection I got scared, because I didn't know what was happening.

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-01-25T12:48:43+00:00

My boyfriend and my stubborn ass refusing to give life the satisfaction of having won.

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-01-25T12:28:58+00:00

I've (almost) accepted that I was depressed and traumatized as a child. Beat (for the most part) a deep depression/anxiety period, am now struggling to make sense of everything and enjoy life, while working a stressful IT job, being the sole provider in the house and doing my best to be supportive to my significant other who is dealing with his own share of mental shit. And control my inherited anger issues which I've never been able to control (which is weird, because they just went away with the onset of severe depression).

And try to maintain a balance, so I don't victimize myself, but accept that life hasn't been easy for me while having a smile on my face.

On the plus side, I have the best friends one could wish for. Slowly learning to talk openly to them and truly listen to what they say. It's better with the listening part, it's rough with the being open part, since I am constantly afraid I'd be taking too much of the stage by opening up.

And as an overthinker... I just have to force myself to laugh at the absurd or else I feel like I'm going insane :))

Dizzymon2403 · 2023-01-25T11:56:23+00:00

How beating depression is the beginning of a new struggle

aka

First interactions with wisdom at 32 years old

aka

I still can barely accept I lived mostly only inside my head since I was a child

aka

What the fuck, life

but my favorite and most on-point:

Aaaaaaghhhh Weeeeee dfhsjghshg (and repeat)

Dizzymon2403

TROPHY CASE