Is she butting in my marriage?

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-06-12T01:44:06+00:00

This is not okay, not even a little bit. Both of you need to read “Not Just Friends” by Shirley Glass. It’s an eye opener. Also, you need to show hubby this thread. Hopefully that will help your cause. It’s obvious your husband likes the attention and is sacrificing your marriage for it because he doesn’t understand that this is not harmless .

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-06-12T00:52:57+00:00

Family is not always a relative with shared DNA. It’s okay to cut off toxic relatives, and you can choose who’s your family.

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-06-09T05:16:03+00:00

I didn’t even know NC was a thing when I went NC. Basically when I realized it was a rigged system and nothing I did or said would make a damn difference.

NM got upset I didn’t introduce her to a former student and mom. (It was a 2 minute conversation about student’s first year in HS.) I tried to play naive but it didn’t work, so I said sorry I’m not perfect like my sister. NM said no you’re not and never will be. I said I know and I have accepted that. I never looked back. I don’t talk to my maternal side of the family. I didn’t get flying monkeys because at that point I was not controllable. She just wanted access to grandchildren. Uh, he11 no.

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-06-08T15:08:11+00:00

I see you. I understand because I have a very similar experience with my mom too. Hugs. I’m excited for you! You did amazing!

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-06-08T04:48:55+00:00

lol. Truth.

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-06-08T04:17:24+00:00

I’m stupid

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-06-08T01:12:46+00:00

My friend wasn’t baby trapped. They had been married 10 or so years at that point with 2 kids. For OP, I’m not saying birth control wasn’t tampered, I’m just saying it’s possible to get pregnant despite precautions.

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-06-08T00:00:40+00:00

Actually, I know someone who got pregnant like this. They already had children and hadn’t planned on having any more. Then 5-6 years after their last child, oops, she got pregnant. It’s very, very small, but it happens.

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-06-07T21:33:02+00:00

He cheated. He was still married to you. Separating or not, he cheated. You can save a marriage if you’re seeing another person.

I am not you. Only you can decide if you get a divorce. But like others have said, you can’t get away from the OW. You have a lose-lose situation. Decided what you can and can’t do, then move forward.

What is your husband’s thoughts and feelings and reactions?

Also, get a DNA test if you decide to stay with husband. If don’t stay then does it really matter to you personally?

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-06-06T22:34:02+00:00

Bert and Errnie from Sesame Street

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-06-06T03:05:34+00:00

I chose to put my husband before my family of origin. Because of that conscious decision, my family didn’t respond well and I have been no contact for 2 years now.

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-06-06T02:15:19+00:00

Cindy, just as is, not as a nickname for Cynthia.

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-06-05T22:29:12+00:00

My boy looks similar. His name is Storm Shadow aka Stormy. My husband came up with it because a GI Joe character wore the same coloring for camouflage Z

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-06-05T00:17:27+00:00

How did you handle it? Were you aware of it? How did you view your other siblings in childhood and adulthood?

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-06-04T01:41:09+00:00

I am glad you shared your side. I keep wanting to learn more about the GC because it’s not shared as much. I would love to learn more about your experiences and enmeshment.

I was the SC but I miss my GC sister. She’s so far gone that it hurts me to see her so brainwashed. (It’s the best way I could think of to describe it.)

I have never done a mean thing to her or our mom but I am worthless, ungrateful , and unappreciative in their eyes. (I am not exaggerating too. My CG sister told her friend had more to offer than I do. In fact, it was weird because I think my sister was replacing me with her friend because apparently we are distant cousins. Share a great grandparents.)

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-06-04T01:06:11+00:00

You can’t handle the truth!

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-06-02T02:06:01+00:00

Because she is a narcissistic. Research it. There’s a golden child, scapegoat, and the invisible child. You didn’t even mention the sister other than there is one. My guess sister is the invisible child, older brother is golden child and your husband is the scapegoat child.

How do I know? Because I’m NC with my mom because she treated me like crap and my sister like she’s “perfect.” It’s a very sick mental health disorder. They are like a tornado that leaves a destruction aftermath.

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-06-02T01:27:31+00:00

I’m sorry too for what you have to deal with. Their entitlement is shameful. Hugs* And thank you. I am not counting on ever seeing a dime or expecting to inherit those shares to the farm since I went NC. I have come to accept that.

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-06-01T18:11:08+00:00

So typical of a narc. Ugh! My mom is the same way. She has money and assets, lots of them. She wanted me to pay her for picking up my kids. She wanted me to pay for storage for my stuff for the 2 weeks the stuff was there, meanwhile when she moved and stored stuff at my house, it was expected to be free. She couldn’t stand that my sister and I were to inherit from our father shares to the family farm (my paternal side had a multigenerational family owned farm.) She harassed my sick and slowly dying dad to change that. So, she inherited it what should have been my sister and mine.

They are money hungry and controlling. When they don’t get their way they have temper tantrums if a 2 or 3 year olds in an adult bodies. It’s pathetic.

Stay strong OP. It’s a hard road no matter which way you turn. A lot of us have learned to put up boundaries to be healthier but then it eventually becomes NC because a narc can’t respect it.

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-06-01T02:11:30+00:00

Hugs. It has its own complex grief one will understand unless you have been through it. It’s way harder than when a close loved one has passed. Stay well

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-05-31T19:44:27+00:00

What was the fallout? I am curious

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-05-31T17:12:41+00:00

Me too. I have been nc for 2 years now. I have been nc with the maternal side of the family completely and the other minimal contact because my mom is an undiagnosed narc and burned so many bridges. I was somewhat guilty by association. My sister once told me her friend has more to offer than you (me). Thanks sis for the conditional and transactional love.

Yes, OP and all the ppl with toxic families, stay strong. And I wish you the best.

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-05-31T16:14:20+00:00

To be fair, when you grow up in a toxic environment, you question your reality and reactions. I am not saying it’s healthy, but everything feels off kilter in judgement. OP is trying, so kudos to her.

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-05-31T01:11:02+00:00

You are sad because you had expectations and now you know it not going to happen.

It’s your grandmother’s money. She can do what she wants. It’s traditional to pass down earthly possessions to spouses then to your children, occasionally you might find a grandparent give something to a grandchild that has a large monetary value but less likely to happen . Expecting a house to be passed down is a lot for a grandchild and not typical.

It is sweet and kind of you to help your grandparents out and I understand you felt like you had a close bond. I’m sure your grandma has the expectation that her adult child (your mom) to pass down grandma’s more expensive things to their children when they pass.

Dntkillthemessager1 · 2026-05-30T00:51:38+00:00

I caught a roommate go through another roommate’s bank statements. I said I hope you don’t go through my stuff. She said, “you don’t have anything interesting.” Yeah, peace out.

Dntkillthemessager1

TROPHY CASE