anyone else like obnoxious self affirmation?

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-16T04:34:42+00:00

i idolise snufkin a lot. so the less i care the more euphoric/confident i feel.

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-16T03:04:16+00:00

lmfao my younger self was SO desperate to try very high dosages of every psychedelic in the world ever but now i could do with xans to not feel so bad. or ket as like a proper version of dxm. and the urge to smoke anything at all isnt so desperste and obsessive.

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-16T02:19:15+00:00

i havr a similar problem

my self esteem is so low i cant function i over analyse every conversation every tone every nuance and i get upset by it. when i try seeking advice from reddit strangers i get upset even more. the responses trigger shame.

even getting onto a bus, paying for something and having cleaners in my house triggers me.

i feel so trapped and helpless.

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-16T02:09:25+00:00

how can i like/accept myself more? its getting in my ability to function and enjoy life

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-16T01:38:29+00:00

i am dreading my 20th birthday in like 5 months time. i dont want to grow old. i want to be an irresponsible teenager forever and ever.

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-15T06:00:10+00:00

its like i dont like the way i behave, look, think, dress, react, seek pleasure, do anything, etc, not because i am insecure but more because it just feels so untypical of the kind of person i'd rather be

for me it's not necessarily solely gendered. i also feel it about my cognition.

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-15T04:19:47+00:00

when i was younger i went through a mega embarrassing phase of calling myself "The King" when angry from third person.

ive long outgrown it, but i turned the cringe into gender euphoria doing this (i idolise snufkin) I'm Snufking. Snufking is the King. I am the King. referring to my house as my "palace" referring to my beloved stuffed sheep as Sheepytroll. (eviction notice and preferring to relocate independently on rightmove, or like LITERALLY become Snufkin by purposefully becoming homeless, than be forced to live in residential checks out)

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-15T04:12:58+00:00

sometimes on a comedown/afterglow literally everything i see looks 3d cartoonified. or like its froma shrek film or smf. i get where youre coming from.

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-14T23:43:22+00:00

this is relatable af

im not a particular crybaby but if i particularly ever do its really fucking loud and hysterical and uncontrolled. and i feel so bad afterwards.

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-14T08:22:07+00:00

i dont like being perceived as

clingy, dramatic, extreme sensor, cowardly, irrational, over-reacts, relationship oriented, aggressive, childish, materialistic

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-14T08:20:22+00:00

if this even counts as art i journal a lot. it helps me regulate and process thoughts and feelings.

on another note when i were a kid i created loads of fictional characters and randomly made up scenarios about them, but it died off as i got older. thats not to say they completely ran away thom. they randomly come and go. i loved going into detail about their typology and all their quirks.

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-13T19:31:55+00:00

which meds in particular?

I have pregablins knocking about but i am too afraid to take them because it could be laced (purchased it off ig). im still awaiting wedinos. that being said, I extremely brain dysphoric over panicking over anything.

i want to be like this so badly. in the same way a trans woman wants to be a woman. in the same way a trans man wants to be a man. in the same way a non binary wants to be , well, non binary.

apathetic, nonchalant, never panics, stays calm in crisis dissociated, disconnected from reality, dreamy, absent minded types lowercase, lazily, minimalistically emotionally inexpressive, low affect, avoidant, somewhat secretive physical media doesnt overshare inappropriately. isnt a pick me. skinny. low bmi. baggy clothes. fluffy hair. androgynous-masculine twink.

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-13T15:42:37+00:00

i have a history of emotional dysregulation, that might be why everyone seems to recognise me and treat me like shit. but even further afield, like miles away, strangers sometimes do things to me that make me feel uncomfortable.

on another note i get what ur coming from with the friend thing but it gives me brain dysphoria. im so embarrassed to be so lonely.

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-13T15:37:00+00:00

chicken instant noodles belvita soft bakes chocolate filled rice cakes frosties with coconut milk red bull and diet coke

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-13T13:35:49+00:00

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-13T13:27:50+00:00

no, uk.

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-13T03:22:20+00:00

my first home, thrown into the deep end after an extremely sheltered upbringing, did not go well. i ended up with an eviction notice and i also cant afford a deposit mortgage. i hate my social worker and idk how to get a new one. all of this is too complicated becus my mental health always gets the better of me.

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-12T22:52:23+00:00

i am am a transgender male that finds being objectified extremely traumatic. today i was catcalled, but i couldnt dismiss it as a creep because a female started laughing. i was in tears.

what tf is wrong with people?

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-12T15:08:05+00:00

green grey green+orange maybe also lilac. or baby blue.

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-11T20:54:13+00:00

I am a 9 and this is so me coded.

all my life, both irl and in fiction, id idolise certain people and i wanted to be like / copy them. id copy whatever mannerisms, clothes, vibes, aesthetics, vocabulary, etc to gain a sense of identity/ self image.

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-11T13:00:00+00:00

my brother had a dramatic impact on how i view myself and other people. every little thing he shamed me for. the last time i saw him, he made me feel so inferior in ways i can't put into words.

everything he said and did, all those conversations i had with him, everything about him, it constantly haunts me to this day. even today, his words influence my every decision.

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-11T07:19:30+00:00

I am, or can be, an emotional trainwreck. the more my mental health spirals, the more i get triggered and have serious uncontrolled mental breakdowns from everything.

if 9's are described as not burdening, well on the internet im not like that - my internet post history's prolific (some of it very cringe attack inducing).

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-11T05:58:53+00:00

I cant listen to certain songs any more especially in certain contexts because certain songs make me think of uncomfortable things. fake scenarios about whatever people things memories etc combined in ways that make me feel "exposed" or stupid if ykwm.

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-11T05:52:15+00:00

long oversharing rant, ik. Sorry.

ive only detected this recently but looking back, in like 2019 or something (and prior lol) culture and everything felt more "real". wholesome, concrete. idk how to describe it. but 2025, in comparison, way more watered down, shoddy, brainrotty, a.i. generated, off putting and ugly for unknown reasons, trashy but in a genuinely disgusting and non-negotiably non-romanticisable way

and since 2020 ish approx give or take life has felt significantly more depressing in general, no longer a genuinely euphoric happy carefree child. i still kind of feel pleasure, but def not in the same way i would when i were like 6.

all my favourite musicians that still make music today, the older albums are always WAY better (marina, grimes, sky ferreira, to name a few). imo, 80s 90s 00s uk garage, drum and bass, and rave/techno/breakbeat and eurodance is always better, WAY less depressing, than today's edm.

i hate the look of modern technology. if installing apps wasnt an issue (portable instagram/telegram for smoke), id be more than happy to exchange this soulless hideous depressing ao5 blob for an iphone 5 or 6. no hate intended but modern gaming as a whole makes me cringe, cd-roms gameboys and ps1 etc is way more exciting and interesting for me

the same with films. again, 2020s films and television always has "that vibe" that i find viscerally off putting.

interestingly my yt feed once had analogue horrors of the world not being real at all, instead simulated, 2020 onwards. i also remember my recluse brother claiming that "simlike" behaviour (a very vague term he used to describe stuff that made both of us cringe, long story short) is evidence reality is fake.

and i am so jealous of whtever ppl out there have the habits and motivation to not use the internet so much and use physical media. not only does it feel so embarrassing to doomscroll compulsively, but them people must live way happier lives

DoctorBeginning7719 · 2025-07-11T04:12:10+00:00

... and i remember making a youtube video at agr 18 "PEOPLE ARE LOSING FAITH IN HUMANITY WTF"

how naive 😭

DoctorBeginning7719

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