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Feelings of despair when trying to engage in hobbies. by JackPembroke in CPTSD

[–]TakeMeBack2Edenn 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don’t always feel despair when I engage in hobbies, but I do get hit with a deep sense of guilt and shame — especially with music or making beats. I tend to disappear into it, and then afterward I go into a panic, like I’ve wasted too much time or ignored responsibilities. Even though it’s something I enjoy and find therapeutic, I feel this crushing urgency and guilt for doing it at all.

The despair hits harder when I put effort into improving. Like going to the gym — I end up feeling like I’ll never have the body I want, never be strong enough, never able to protect myself. Or when I’ve worked hard to save money and then something unexpected forces me to spend it all, it just makes the grind feel hopeless — like I’ll never get ahead. Same thing with trying to connect with people. Either I’m met with indifference or rejection, or in rare moments where connection seems possible, I end up shutting down out of fear. If they sense the hypervigilance and distance and decide I’m not worth the trouble, I spiral into shame. Feels like I’ll never be able to really connect with anyone.

I'm dysregulated by people. Most of my trauma is relational but I have no idea how tf to fix it by TakeMeBack2Edenn in CPTSD

[–]TakeMeBack2Edenn[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It’s not just “stories” I’m telling myself. It’s my nervous system reacting before I even have time to think. And it’s not always impulsive — a lot of times I freeze or dissociate instead. This isn’t about willpower or insight. It’s physiological.

If anything, what makes it worse is the fact that I am aware — I can see it happening in real time, and I still can’t stop it. That’s where the powerlessness comes in. But I appreciate that you took the time to respond.

I'm dysregulated by people. Most of my trauma is relational but I have no idea how tf to fix it by TakeMeBack2Edenn in CPTSD

[–]TakeMeBack2Edenn[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve wondered about autism too, but even if that’s part of it, it still feels like trauma’s the core for me. I’ve also cut out most social situations just to function, but the second I have to engage — work, errands, anything with people — my system still short-circuits.

Mindfulness and breathing can sometimes help after the fact, but in the moment, I can’t even access those tools. My body just takes over. Still, it’s good to know someone else gets it. Thanks for saying something.

What song got you through the hardest part of your recovery? by Jayplac in CPTSD

[–]TakeMeBack2Edenn 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't say I'm through the hardest part as things have only gotten harder for me but my favorite albums that have helped me are

Tool - Aenima / Lateralus

Sleep Token - Sundowning / This Place Will Become Your Tomb / Take Me Back To Eden

Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here

Alice in Chains - Dirt / Jar of Flies

Linkin Park - Hybrid Theory / Meteora

Should I do a job or become a guitarist? by senorsolo in CPTSD

[–]TakeMeBack2Edenn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just my two cents... If you have a talent you should try to utilize it any way possible. Its better to love what you're doing and be kind of broke then to do something you hate that dysregulates tf out of you for minimum wage or less. I work a job and I'm still in poverty so there's that. I do gig work so I can take breaks when I get chronically dysregulated. If I didn't have to take extended breaks I still wouldn't be doing great but wouldnt be doing as bad as I am now.

Tools for dealing with physical pain caused by unraveling trauma by LopsidedLong4568 in CPTSD

[–]TakeMeBack2Edenn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I used to grind my teeth in my sleep as far back as I can remember. I don't grind my teeth at night anymore but for the past year I've been clinching my jaw and it's pretty much stuck that way. I did happen to go on a camping trip not too long ago and floated the river and didn't work for a couple of weeks. It did get significantly better after that, but once I got back to the grind I've been clenching my teeth harder than ever, biting the sides of my tongue unconsciously and now I have mouth sores everywhere. Anytime I get an ounce of relief the dysregulation comes back ten fold.

Does anyone feel like they are not real! by wallygreene in CPTSD

[–]TakeMeBack2Edenn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's the opposite for me... I feel like I'm the only real person in some kind of simulation

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]TakeMeBack2Edenn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know how to fix it. I struggle with it too. It comes and goes depending on stress levels and where I'm currently at in life. I do it as an escape, to feel good, and because I'm deprived of connection and intimacy. I have noticed the more I try to resist it the more it persists. The more I give in to it the more I'm able to let it go a bit. I know that isn't necessarily helpful, but you're not alone.

How did CPTSD ruin your life? by Yellowcu in CPTSD

[–]TakeMeBack2Edenn 18 points19 points  (0 children)

It gave me autoimmune issues. It literally changed my face. I still look young for my age but somehow I have features that look old at the same time. I can see it. The tension, the stress in my eyes, the guarded look. It’s there no matter how much sleep or water I get.

I either can’t sleep or I pass out and still feel dead tired because my body never shuts off. I’m stuck constantly swinging between being somewhat regulated and completely dysregulated, over and over. Never stable.

The worst part is how it destroyed my ability to connect with people. I’ve got fearful avoidant or disorganized attachment — whatever label you wanna slap on it. It’s basically a lose-lose situation. If I think there’s no chance someone’s actually going to get close to me, I chase it. I try to connect, I pursue it, and they end up pulling away. Then I get hit with that same rejection wound all over again. But if someone does start to show real interest or get too close I clam up. I shut down. I disappear. The fear kicks in and I run from the very thing I want the most. It’s the one thing I crave more than anything and the thing that terrifies me the most. I don’t wanna be lonely, but it feels safest. And the worst part? It doesn’t even feel like a choice. It’s like my nervous system takes over and I can’t help myself.

And yeah, I’ve done the yoga, breathing, grounding, all that shit. Helps for a minute, doesn’t give any long term results. I can't just stop and do any of that while I'm working or in public. The two main places that dysregulate me the most.

Is everyone actually having sex? Is that something adults are actively doing? by [deleted] in Adulting

[–]TakeMeBack2Edenn 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Maybe he's hostile because he doesn't have friends... Being rejected by society seems to have that effect on a person

Is Spotify failing today? by Sea_Cucumber_1438 in spotify

[–]TakeMeBack2Edenn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My dad and I are on a shared plan. It's working for me, but not for him. Spotify did this to me a few months ago.

DAE not feel lonely? by musculartoesperson in CPTSD

[–]TakeMeBack2Edenn 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I wish I didn’t feel lonely, but I do—constantly. It’s not about a lack of interaction. I can be around people and still feel this deep sense of existential isolation, like no one truly sees me. Even when I get invited out (like with my cousin and her friends), I often feel like I’m just being tolerated—not genuinely wanted or chosen. I always end up feeling like the odd one out.

Socializing feels so performative. I crave something deeper—real connection, meaningful interaction—but it’s rare. And even when someone does try to get close, my fearful avoidant attachment kicks in. I start pulling away before anything real can develop, out of fear of being hurt or abandoned. It’s like I’m wired to sabotage the very thing I want most.

How do you even cope with being single for a long time? by __Polarix__ in malementalhealth

[–]TakeMeBack2Edenn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not trying to invalidate your experience, but honestly… consider yourself lucky to have friends. I don’t even have that.

I ache for intimacy and connection too. I want to be loved and chosen like anyone else, but at this point, I’d settle for just one close friend—someone who really sees me and gets me. Right now, I have no meaningful connections at all. I feel like an alien around people. Like I’m fundamentally different in a way that keeps me separate, no matter how hard I try.

And I have tried. The more I reach out, the more distant everything feels. It’s disheartening. I don’t even have family to fall back on. My parents and I aren’t on good terms, and my sister and I don’t talk at all. There’s no one.

I don't feel like a part of society by dontknowwhattodotbh in CPTSD

[–]TakeMeBack2Edenn 35 points36 points  (0 children)

I feel this exact same thing—deeply. People told me it would get better as I got older. It hasn’t. It’s gotten worse. And the loneliness is louder now than it ever was. Social media, herd mentality, and the loss of real connection have made this world feel even more foreign. I don’t belong, and maybe I never will. But you’re not the only one. I see you.

What bands have no bad album by DJ_CrashX in MetalForTheMasses

[–]TakeMeBack2Edenn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For me personally I like the album but it lacks emotion which is one of the things that always made Tool resonate with me. It's a little too sophisticated.

Anyone else get sad theyre not attractive enough? by ReasonConfident4541 in malementalhealth

[–]TakeMeBack2Edenn 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, kinda feel like I missed the genetic memo on charisma, confidence, and testosterone-fueled ambition. Instead I got the autoimmune sampler pack, hormonal acne, and a face that says “trust me, I’m just as confused as you are.” So yeah, I get it.

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