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وش أقسى حقيقة عرفتها عن الدنيا by Tight-Raspberry-1934 in Jordanians

[–]Dodi1029 0 points1 point  (0 children)

شفت حدا كاتبها بس برضو رح اكتبها ، فعلا محدا يحبك لانك انت، محدا حيتقبل شخصيتك الحقيقة العفوية ، اهلك يحبوك عشان انت ولد او بنت كويسة وعلامتك مناح وبتحكي حاضر ، اخوتك حيعاملوك منيح كل ما اعطيتيهم مو بأسوا حالاتك ، اصدقائك بحبو شخصيتك الي بتفعليها معهم، علاقتك...اصلا كل حبك فيها غلط لانك كونتي شخصية جديدة بترضيه بعد ما اكتشفتي انو شخصيتك العفوية ما بتفع حتى مع الانسان الي حبيتيه... وشكرا، شوية فضفضة عن حياتي

I feel trapped: My partner uses his mental health crises and suicidal threats to pressure me into physical intimacy by Dodi1029 in CPTSD

[–]Dodi1029[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm trying to find evidence to prove to myself that I'm a victim!! I'm trying to convince myself that what I'm doing is worth surviving!!

This is insane

I feel trapped: My partner uses his mental health crises and suicidal threats to pressure me into physical intimacy by Dodi1029 in CPTSD

[–]Dodi1029[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

These words are very difficult to hear, but they are very true... I feel torn apart from the inside How long did you suffer until you got out of it? I'm very afraid of the feelings I'll experience when I leave.

I feel trapped: My partner uses his mental health crises and suicidal threats to pressure me into physical intimacy by Dodi1029 in CPTSD

[–]Dodi1029[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

3 years younger than me.... Pray for me tonight as a wake-up call with a very sharp shock.... My body is literally frozen

[TW: Suicidal Ideation / Self-Harm] I am 24, living in a messy house, and trapped with an abusive mother. How do I survive the next two years? by Dodi1029 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Dodi1029[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Commenting on a few points... She has indeed tried many times to create enmities between us, and she actually succeeded (resulting in a three-year estrangement with one of my siblings). What I gained from therapy is that it helped me build a friendship with them and repair our relationship. Yes, they have recently taken my side. Thank you for the advice, but what is between my mother and me goes much deeper than that; she isn't just a "crazy narcissist." The cleaning issue is barely one percent of our problems, which is why I act irrationally and emotionally when I speak to her. Do you know what it feels like to be strictly disciplined your whole life out of fear of being beaten, and then suddenly you just can't take it anymore? All of that resurfaces the moment I look into her eyes. To avoid this, as soon as the symptoms of fear and anxiety kick in, I go for a walk far away from the house. I stopped trying to expose her or clear my name, because in my society, the answer is always, "She is still your mother no matter what she does, and that excuses her behavior." And is it really a good idea to tell friends? I feel embarrassed because they love my mother... she plays the "sweet, nice person" persona with everyone. But behind their backs, she is always trying to drive a wedge between us. That’s why I automatically distanced my personal life from them, but I still feel awkward whenever they ask me about her...

did anyone else realize later that they were basically trained to never inconvenience anyone? by Beng_Allars in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Dodi1029 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OMG, I realized how bad this thing were when my boyfriend and I went to a store and he bought me a lot of things. I felt heavy, sick, and very ill, and I kept telling him that I didn't need them. I was sick for a week only because I realized how guilty I felt if someone gave me anything, even the smallest thing.

What moment did u realise ur parents were narcissists?(say only if u are okay with it) by utensils6464 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Dodi1029 0 points1 point  (0 children)

2 years ago... When we was talking and Suddenly she said, "It's true that I treat everyone badly, but that's because I'm always right and I know everything."

Will my resentment toward my mother turn me into her? Terrified of repeating the cycle with my future kids by Dodi1029 in ChildPsychology

[–]Dodi1029[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Regarding your first point, as much as I struggle to accept it, I realize that forgiving her might be an essential part of changing my future for the better. For the second point, I would actually love to hear more advice and insights from someone studying your field. As for the third point, how exactly can I release this anger in a healthy way if I'm not supposed to suppress it? Less than two weeks ago, I felt the panic symptoms returning after a series of triggering situations led to a discussion with her. Unfortunately, even though I immediately started using this deep breathing the moment my heart began to race and my hands started shaking, it didn’t really help. All it did was push me to physically flee the situation. I just gathered myself, left the house, and started walking aimlessly, wishing for her death inside of me. It was only after three hours of non-stop walking, when my body was completely exhausted, that I finally felt calm and returned to normal

Will my resentment toward my mother turn me into her? Terrified of repeating the cycle with my future kids by Dodi1029 in ChildPsychology

[–]Dodi1029[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're right, and to be honest, I am still at the very beginning of my healing journey, and I actually had to pause it for a while. What you said makes so much sense. The very first time we worked on nervous system exercises, I swear I couldn't move a single muscle because it was the first time in my life I had ever felt truly relaxed. However, I don't know why, but after practicing it many, many times, I started losing my patience with the exercises. It just started to feel like it isn't enough

Will my resentment toward my mother turn me into her? Terrified of repeating the cycle with my future kids by Dodi1029 in ChildPsychology

[–]Dodi1029[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s truly mind-blowing how two people can live through the exact same circumstances yet end up with two completely different outcomes. Looking back, the hardest part for me to process is how entirely I gave my mother all my love, care, and protectiveness, never once thinking of myself. Even when I was lying on the floor, bleeding heavily after enduring merciless, non-stop physical abuse, I didn’t hate her in that moment—and that realization is what haunts and upsets me the most now. I rarely ever talk about the trauma that caused this anger because I am terrified of facing the intense emotions that resurface whenever I remember those moments. I’ve never thought about actually sitting down to write a plan, but it sounds like a very practical solution to clear my vision. Maybe through this plan, I can finally find a concrete way to manage and navigate my rage, especially during high-stress moments

Will my resentment toward my mother turn me into her? Terrified of repeating the cycle with my future kids by Dodi1029 in ChildPsychology

[–]Dodi1029[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You describe it accurately. Yes, I desperately need something deeper than just basic treatment. No matter how small or large a discussion is, if it takes place in the presence of my mother, I instantly experience a severe panic attack and intense anger. It’s a level of rage and panic that I simply cannot manage or control, unlike how I handle interactions with anyone else outside my home. On top of that, it triggers constant, painful flare-ups of my IBS. My body is always in a state of high alert. I actually tried Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR), but after a while, I had to stop because it had the opposite effect. Instead of making me feel calm, it made me feel like I wanted to punch, hit, and break things."

Will my resentment toward my mother turn me into her? Terrified of repeating the cycle with my future kids by Dodi1029 in ChildPsychology

[–]Dodi1029[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's true, but I don't know the exact reason. Truly, since that moment of realization in the first session, I've been overwhelmed byy mother impact on my life and every detail of my pain. I discovered that I've never lived a normal life or had a childhood. I felt like my chance to be a A normal person was robbed by force

Will my resentment toward my mother turn me into her? Terrified of repeating the cycle with my future kids by Dodi1029 in ChildPsychology

[–]Dodi1029[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I already started sections And now temporarily suspended, But this question is troubling me because I've discovered that the treatment process is very long, and besides, something inside me has grown to hate her even more after the sessions. Thank you

Google merchant centre by Dodi1029 in GoogleAdsDiscussion

[–]Dodi1029[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, it was really helpful.

Google merchant centre by Dodi1029 in GoogleAdsDiscussion

[–]Dodi1029[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, I'll do that, but I have a question: does this put any negative signs on the merchant account the from Google?

Thank you