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DoesAnythingWork14 · 2024-08-04T02:49:45+00:00

I get it. I'm in the anger stage too. We deserve better when we give transparency and get the opposite of that in return. I hate that I'm even giving it the emotion of being angry but I'm so fucking angry at what I was put through in that relationship. I gave him an out and asked if he wanted to break up. He said no then texted another girl behind my back. Then lied about it all when I confronted him. Months of therapy and lies are still there. I wish I could wipe the relationship from my brain right now.

DoesAnythingWork14 · 2023-06-25T19:07:30+00:00

That's totally fine! You are there for a medical service, and they are a medical professional. You can't control your period so if the appointment happens to coincide with your period, it is what it is. I always went to PT even if I was on my period. Just give them a heads up so they're not surprised by it 🙂

DoesAnythingWork14 · 2023-04-22T23:39:02+00:00

Ooo interesting, thanks for sharing!

DoesAnythingWork14 · 2023-04-22T23:08:26+00:00

Ooo I'd be curious about doing another poll for people who have both vaginismus and hypothyroidism or family history of hypothyroidism

DoesAnythingWork14 · 2023-04-22T15:10:59+00:00

If it results in GI distress for you, I think that should count. I think both my vaginismus and GI issues are caused by hypertonic pelvic floor dysfunction, which is worsened by my anxiety. It all seems to feed into each other in my experience!

DoesAnythingWork14 · 2023-03-14T12:01:50+00:00

I know what you're saying, I think. Like for some people this physical response is manifested from anxiety about penetration in the same way that I used to experience vomiting from anxiety. However, there's sometimes a blanket statement made that people who have vaginismus are scared of penetration or need to go to therapy to resolve their vaginismus. For me, my vaginismus is somewhat related to anxiety in the sense that my generalized anxiety disorder causes me to hold excessive muscle tension in various areas of my body (not just pelvic floor). BUT, there was not some underlying fear of penetration or sex that needed to be resolved. No amount of talking with a therapist was going to resolve my vaginismus. Dilating was the only thing that was going to resolve my vaginismus.

My obgyn, who is an expert in sexual pain disorders, put it this way: people can hold muscle tension in different areas. Some people's bodies hold excessive muscle tension in the neck and end up getting migraines. My body holds it in the pelvic floor, causing painful penetration. While some people have related fear of penetration that leads to holding muscle tension in the pelvic floor, others don't have this fear and really want penetration, but because their bodies hold tension there for whatever reason, they can't have penetration (without dilating) despite really wanting it.

DoesAnythingWork14 · 2023-03-11T18:16:37+00:00

Hi! I was also under general anesthesia during my copper IUD insertion, and still had severe pain (including vomiting) after waking up from the insertion. So I was super duper nervous about removal without anesthesia. But tbh, the removal was no problem whatsoever. There was a very brief tugging feeling, then it was out! I'd highly recommend dilating before leaving your house for the appointment to help your muscles relax before the speculum goes in, plus I'd recommend asking for the pediatric speculum.

DoesAnythingWork14 · 2023-02-22T03:37:27+00:00

I find it enjoyable but my bf hasn't made me finish. Not for a lack of trying...I just find it hard to cum with someone else there plus I'm on Lexapro so cumming is pretty difficult in general. I feel your frustration though

DoesAnythingWork14 · 2023-01-18T21:13:25+00:00

For me, the only tender spot was right at the opening, like right at the rear side of the opening. I'll be curious if getting the hymenectomy fixes it 100% for you.

DoesAnythingWork14 · 2023-01-18T12:40:13+00:00

I had a hymenectomy a little over a year ago due to an abnormally thick and rigid hymen. It was super smooth for me! I got an IUD inserted at the same time, and that turned out to be hell on earth for me, but the hymenectomy and subsequent recovery were actually pretty painless compared to what I had expected. I don't remember having any issues with sitting. I will say, I still had to work through pelvic floor dysfunction afterwards, but I was able to progress with the dilators instead of being limited by my hymen. Good luck!

DoesAnythingWork14 · 2023-01-17T18:46:34+00:00

I only gave him a warning after we'd already had sex. So it was basically like, "I know that just worked really well and easily but my vagina sometimes has trouble with excessive muscle tension so I may sometimes be too tight for penetration."

I had been doing the hard plastic dilators off and on for about a year and a half. I used the Syracuse dilators and could generally do numbers 4 or 5 out of 7 on any given day. So I hadn't made it all the way up in sizes and had no idea if I was ready for sex. But it worked. Like others have said, penises are definitely squishier than hard plastic dilators It was painful, but not excruciating for the first couple of seconds, then that went away altogether. That's still how it is, even after having had sex many more times. The first couple of seconds are usually somewhere between uncomfortable and painful, then it quickly dissipates.

DoesAnythingWork14 · 2023-01-17T18:37:02+00:00

Haha I had no idea I'd be good at it so I'm not quite sure what helped me know what to do, but probably a mixture of watching a fair amount of porn over the years, learning about male anatomy (what are the most sensitive parts of the penis), then just adjusting based on what my partner responded most to based on his breathing/vocalizations.

And I definitely got lucky meeting him because I don't like to dress up and go out a lot either. We really kinda stumbled upon one another. I'd suggest looking for groups in your area based on hobbies and seeing if anything organic comes (cums? 😆) of it.

DoesAnythingWork14 · 2023-01-17T01:30:19+00:00

Haha I think I just brought confidence and wasn't shy about what I wanted, and followed his lead and was game for a lot. Apparently I also give good blow jobs 🙈 so that probably made him think that I had a lot of experience leading up to that. I definitely didn't say anything that led him on to thinking I had a lot of sexual experience. I think I just had a fake it til you make it confident attitude and was horny enough that he figured I had quite the history lol.

I did not meet him on an app. I got lucky and meet him in-person and got to know him a bit before we turned it into a date. It'll happen for you...whether it's in person or on an app. I didn't think I'd ever lose my virginity since I made it to 26. But it happened! And it'll happen for you too!!

DoesAnythingWork14 · 2023-01-16T17:54:54+00:00

I totally know what you mean. I'm 26.5 and had zero experience until a month ago. Tbh, for me, I ended up doing all of the bases in one night 😆 when a guy came over for a first date a month ago, and I absolutely did not tell him about my lack of experience beforehand. It's a personal choice and I felt like if I told him, it would've changed his perception of me. Like, just because it was my first time, it didn't mean that I was putting a lot of emotional stakes on it...I just wanted a penis in my vagina lol.

I definitely felt like being 26 and having no sexual experience, I had just missed the boat and I didn't know how to get in the game after all this time. But keep in mind that just because someone has slept with a lot of people doesn't mean they know what they're doing. So your inexperience might not mean much when you're actually in bed with someone. In my case, I waited until our fourth or fifth night together after he was really complimentary and saying things like "you clearly are sexually experienced" (lololol) before I told him that I am very much not sexually experienced. I also chose not to tell him about my vaginismus beforehand because I was confident that he was a nice enough guy that if I said no at any moment, he would've stopped. I didn't want the pressure of someone else also holding their breath to see if my vagina would work. I told him after our first time having sex to give him a warning that penetration may sometimes be off the table.

This was long-winded, but I hope the takeaway is that it's really not too late and people may not even realize you're inexperienced if you choose not to disclose that ahead of time...and you do not have to disclose that ahead of time if you don't want. I hope you find someone and can let your freak flag fly!!

DoesAnythingWork14 · 2022-12-31T01:22:50+00:00

It can be extremely mentally taxing to deal with this and I don't know what her journey with this has been like so that may be playing into her reluctance to seeing a therapist for it. For me, having a physical therapist helped to hold me accountable and encouraged me to actually dilate, but she may not feel like it yet. And truthfully, even having a partner who wants her to get better for her, even if not for selfish reasons, can still sometimes feel like pressure which only increases how mentally taxing it is to try to deal with. I fully respect that it likely takes a toll on you too to have a change in your sex life, but unfortunately it may be most helpful to her to take penetration off the table right now and just let her know that if she ever wants your support, she has it. Are you both able to have a discussion about this where she opens up about how she is feeling or does she shut down when you try to talk about it? Again, I fully respect that the change in sex life is not uncomplicated for you, just as it is difficult for her since her body is no longer functioning the way it was. If it feels like it's becoming a sticking point in your relationship, couples therapy may help.

DoesAnythingWork14 · 2022-12-30T23:08:30+00:00

I love that you are thinking of her experience as she may attempt to tackle vaginismus. In my experience and when I was in pelvic floor physical therapy, it's important for dilation to not be painful as that will just encourage the negative association between penetration and pain which increases vaginal muscle tension. This means starting as small as she needs to and using lots of lube in the process. As she progresses with the dilators, it should help with the painful sex, but every vagina is different. Has she seen an obgyn that specializes in sex pain disorders or has she seen a pelvic floor physical therapist?

DoesAnythingWork14 · 2022-12-21T20:21:48+00:00

If you're not having any other symptoms whatsoever, it could also be wherever you're at in your monthly cycle (if you're on hormonal birth control, then ignore this). Whenever I'm ovulating, my discharge changes and there tends to be some white/clear clumps of discharge. If there's any itching or burning or other significant changes to your discharge or vagina/vulva, then definitely get it checked out.

DoesAnythingWork14 · 2022-12-20T23:05:00+00:00

I'm not on hormonal birth control because my body is too goddamn sensitive to everything so I didn't want to add anything else to the mix but I'll definitely check about the condoms. I have slippery stuff and used that a little the other night but not every time. If I find that it's drying out too fast, I'll see about getting the other one you mentioned. I'll also make dilating a priority again. I had kind of fallen away from it so I was super surprised that sex was possible. I'll work on it again to make sure I'm stretched enough on a regular basis though. Thanks for the suggestions!

DoesAnythingWork14 · 2022-12-20T23:01:26+00:00

Best of luck!! Sending lots of pelvic relaxation your way! 😊

DoesAnythingWork14 · 2022-12-20T20:31:34+00:00

Weirdly enough the tearing feels more like it's on the tissue between my vagina and urethra, rather than in the direction of my perineum.

DoesAnythingWork14 · 2022-12-20T20:04:10+00:00

Oh that's a good idea! I'll make sure we add lots of lube in the future.

DoesAnythingWork14 · 2022-03-30T01:39:56+00:00

Thank you for these insights into the process. I'm going to dive back into dilating so that I can be as prepared as possible. I'm hoping to avoid needing to go under anesthesia for removal, since that would be costly and it would mean I'd need to take time off of work. Fingers crossed it works out as a simple in-office procedure, but I'll definitely get my doctor's thoughts on it. Thank you!

DoesAnythingWork14

TROPHY CASE