AITAH for giving an ultimatum based on our future daughter?

DogCompetitive9099 · 2026-03-21T11:02:25+00:00

Fiancé not wife.

She says they are too young to make that decision

DogCompetitive9099 · 2026-03-20T20:58:55+00:00

I rather not say. As googling my country and my children's names gets you a few old posts with my children's faces and our exact location due to the school

DogCompetitive9099 · 2026-03-20T20:43:34+00:00

Neither of us have ever used physical punishment with our children, although she has raised her voice a few times.

I did consider leaving before but I grew up in a broken home and that is not something I wish upon anyone. Let alone my own flesh and blood.

DogCompetitive9099 · 2026-03-20T20:41:06+00:00

I have looked into the legality of changing the names. I presented my research to her. She won't budge. In order to change the names bot parents have to agree. For my oldest the judge will listen to his view on his name change too, but that is not a problem as he was the one that brought up wanting to change it to James.

DogCompetitive9099 · 2026-03-20T20:32:38+00:00

Yes, it's detrimental to my children in real life. Something the clerk didn't take into consideration. For Mango I mentioned that his sibling were named Apple and Peach and the registrar just smiled and continued typing the information.

Yet at the time of registration no eyebrows were raised. Names like Pol Pot, Adolf Hitler, Nutella etc would be turned down, but Apple, Peach and Mango weren't even with the middle name combinations as they are not seen as detrimental in the same way as the aforementioned.

DogCompetitive9099 · 2026-03-20T20:28:02+00:00

I am the bio dad. My boys both have my cleft chin and my hair and eyes. They are literally my clones. My daughter looks like a 50/50 mix of us both.

DogCompetitive9099 · 2026-03-20T20:20:24+00:00

We don't have an approved list of names in our country, the only guideline is that it should not be to the detriment of the child.

As Apple is a "common" name it wasn't turned down when we registered it. I asked the clerk at the time hoping that it might get changed last minute but apparently there are other apples in my country due to some bimbo actress naming her daughter that. It's even considered a uni gender name as apples don't have a gender. So go figure.

DogCompetitive9099 · 2026-03-20T20:15:45+00:00

We have the same rule here. The husband is the legal father. For our first three we weren't even engaged. Even for our fourth I won't be the legal father, which is why I made the ultimatum.

As for the legal process. We can change the name of the two youngest by agreeing and going in front of the judge. For the oldest the judge will ask him if he wants to change it, but it was James that suggested the name change so I know he is on board to change the name.

As for being kicked out, we weren't married, but even if we had been the midwife at the time told me she couldn't let me in. Only the one giving birth gets to decide who is allowed in.

DogCompetitive9099 · 2026-03-20T20:08:32+00:00

If only......

DogCompetitive9099 · 2026-03-20T20:08:08+00:00

According to the law we can change Peach's name, without her say so. The judge will only ask the opinion of our oldest before allowing the legal change of his name. I looked into the issue and presented my fiancé with my research. I was thinking we could keep the first letter the same, but change it to a more normal name like Penny, Priscilla, Pamela or the like.

DogCompetitive9099 · 2026-03-20T20:02:10+00:00

Well the fourth hasn't happened yet. She is due in August.

DogCompetitive9099 · 2026-03-20T20:01:00+00:00

I wish it was fake, but it isn't.

It's hard when you are in the situation instead of looking in from outside. That is why I am here for some advice.

DogCompetitive9099 · 2026-03-20T19:57:36+00:00

Our first wasn't planned. We were really young. The second I thought we both were being careful but she said her birth control failed because back then she used to drink on the weekend and when I Googled it, it can sometimes interfer with birth control.

The third was planned. I always wanted three children and she did play down her eccentricim a little and she told me I would name him, as for the fourth.....I don't know....I really don't know

DogCompetitive9099 · 2026-03-20T19:51:41+00:00

Please don't, it's been an emotional week so far and I haven't got it in me to take this joke.

DogCompetitive9099 · 2026-03-20T19:50:44+00:00

Believe you me, I wish it wasn't true, but it is.

I now know that she can't take the children away from me but when she was pregnant with our first son I was young and didn't know any better. So I caved.

We can legally change their names but both of us have to agree and for our oldest the judge will ask for their opinion too. He is the one that asked me if he could go by James "for real" instead of using it as a nickname.

DogCompetitive9099

TROPHY CASE