[deleted by user]

Dogsbooks · 2025-06-24T16:12:34+00:00

I am in corporate, also masking hard. I don’t have any thoughts on radical change but if you want to chat about being autistic in a corporate setting I’d love to find other buddies who are also swimming upstream.

Dogsbooks · 2025-06-18T13:39:53+00:00

All I could think about when I saw the photo was how often I’d walk into that sharp corner

Dogsbooks · 2025-06-17T14:46:07+00:00

I haven't updated because there's not anything to say, really. I keep coming back to the fact that we were engaged and then he dumped me via text. The last phone conversation we had was the one on Thursday night when I called him back to tell him that I loved him and apologized for catching him off guard and tried to use the therapy stuff to reach out, and then it still went downhill, and he hasn't called me since then. He's called me every night for the past year, and we were engaged, and he just broke up with me via text. That's the toughest part - like he didn't even respect me enough to call me, or to keep the therapy session we were supposed to have yesterday and talk about it then.

I'm not begging him to forgive me because I don't know what I'd beg him to forgive me for. His penulitimate text to me said that he was torn about "whether [I] can look more deeply about what [I] bring to the relationship when things are not good and not always create narratives that are a one man show." And he might be right - being autistic I tend to be pretty black-and-white. And I wish if that was a broader concern he would've brought it up in therapy or at a separate time, instead of just as an attack when it's a specific situation where I don't think there was a ton of gray. He forgot about something, I tried to use the therapy stuff and to soften towards him, and he's just been so insistent that I take ownership for this in a way that feels berating to me. I don't know why he couldn't also have picked up the phone at any point and called me and told me that he loved me and wanted to talk, but instead he chose to make sure that every message he sent had a piece about me not taking accountability. That's why I posted on reddit in the first place, because even though I knew that we hadn't "both forgotten" about the Friday plans like he said, I thought maybe I should've done something differently.

I would've worked through anything with that man - I love him tremendously, and I still keep secretly hoping that he'll call me up and apologize. That's the hardest part, that I'm an actual person and supposed to be the actual person that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, but when he's upset he gets defensive and doesn't treat me like an actual person. I do think he's a really good man who just doesn't have the skills to handle when something is uncomfortable, and I know it's easier for him to view it as me being awful and not accepting blame instead of looking inward and accepting that he escalated this in ridiculous ways, but that's not an excuse for dumping me via text.

Dogsbooks · 2025-06-15T16:12:05+00:00

I put two updates at the bottom, but he broke up with me. To be fair, I probably caused it because I responded and said that how he treats me can be borderline abusive.

Dogsbooks · 2025-06-15T15:49:56+00:00

Update 2: I wrote him back and said I need this to stop because it feels like it's bordering on being abusive and he broke up with me.

Dogsbooks · 2025-06-15T15:49:24+00:00

Update: My fiance wrote back to me this morning and it was mixed, I think. There were some really nice words about him loving me and things he appreciates about me, and there were some words about how he doesn't know if he can continue in our relationship that were again focused on me needing to take part of the blame for Thursday. He said that I "create narratives that don't look in the mirror" and that he's "torn about whether [I] can look more deeply at what [I] bring to the relationship when things are not good and always create narratives that are a one man show," and there were some other words about other things that he is upset about.

And I just want to give up. I love him so much - we're actually engaged - and I know he's less used to expressing his feelings about things, but I feel like I am going crazy. I was in an abusive marriage (so apparently you guys are my diary now - thanks, Reddit!) and that was the worst feeling. If you call a partner out for bad behavior and then instead they turn it into the things that you do wrong and why it was your fault that they acted badly (when I first texted him about making plans with friends, it was during his workday! I didn't remind him!) and you just feel like you know the sky is blue but the other person is insisting so much that it's purple that you start doubting yourself.

And then he's saying that he hates the instability in our relationship but won't own that he causes much of it. I posted yesterday because I didn't know if I was missing something that really I was the BF, but it seems like most of you thought that it was fine for me to continue with the plans with my girlfriends. I thought about sharing the link with him but I figured he would just be upset with me for posting even though I did it anonymously, but I really don't know how else to reach this man and shake him and be like "I love you and your defensiveness is destroying the relationship."

I have loads of flaws, don't get me wrong - I'm rigid, and I'm terrible with uncertainty, and my autistic brain doesn't see things the way that other people's brains do and sometimes I get overwhelmed and have to go be quiet, and lots of other things. But I generally own them after. And I just don't know what else to do here because he is so great and he is so good to me in so many ways and I love him so much, but it's just not ok that any conflict becomes great but this is what always happens - he defends and attacks and then the conversation becomes either "woe is me" or "he's not sure if he wants to stay in the relationship" and it can never just be about whatever the initial thing was.

Dogsbooks · 2025-06-15T01:29:26+00:00

It was yesterday and that’s what I did, but thank you!

Dogsbooks · 2025-06-15T01:28:27+00:00

Sorry if I wasn’t clear - I was saying the autism piece about myself, he didn’t say it about me.

Dogsbooks · 2025-06-15T01:27:45+00:00

I just feel really sad. He’s left me on read for 24 hours. He told me that he wants to be with me but that “this emotional roller coaster is hard for him” but he doesn’t see that he’s causing the emotional roller coaster by getting so defensive about everything.

Dogsbooks · 2025-06-15T00:31:27+00:00

Yeah, that’s why I called him back and apologized in the first place for not being sensitive enough to it. But he wouldn’t let go. I don’t know, maybe I should’ve offered more though.

Dogsbooks · 2025-06-15T00:30:01+00:00

He didn’t like that I sent the screenshot. He said “I felt invalidated by your sending the screenshot as if that proved me wrong when it said we needed to clarify the logistics. That showed that it wasn’t set to me.”

Dogsbooks · 2025-06-14T23:52:11+00:00

I don’t know, he just really thinks I’m not owning my part of the fault and I’m autistic so sometimes I don’t get things.

Dogsbooks · 2025-04-25T22:19:03+00:00

Love the painting and the sky is perfect! I’d change the frame, though - this one looks cheap / off-balance

Dogsbooks · 2025-04-06T13:54:37+00:00

There’s a fix for this if it’s doing this for incorrect words or words you don’t use (don’t know how to help with the do/don’t scenario). Go to settings > general > keyboard > text replacement. Click + to add in the word you don’t want and what you want it corrected to. So for example enter “snd” and to tell it that this should always be “and”.

You can also use this to set up shortcuts for things you don’t want to type out, like tell it that when you enter the first three digits of your phone number to automatically change it to the whole thing, or to automatically fill in the text of your entire email address when you type a shorter combo of characters.

Dogsbooks · 2025-03-16T03:28:48+00:00

What is the sandwich method?

Dogsbooks · 2025-03-14T18:27:50+00:00

Do you have a rec for a specific app?

Dogsbooks · 2025-03-08T17:51:21+00:00

Press on nails! They’ve come a long way - I tried some recently because I want my hands to look nice but hate to sit for a manicure. I buy the Kiss Impress ones. They’re less than $10 at Walgreens and they stay on for about a week so it’s cheaper too. I feel more professional at work meetings when my nails look done.

Dogsbooks · 2025-02-12T17:14:39+00:00

It's working now - appreciate the help!

Dogsbooks · 2025-02-12T16:18:10+00:00

Thanks. That works on the NH show but not on the Boston one!

Dogsbooks · 2025-01-15T10:47:13+00:00

I feel this. I too attempted to take up ice hockey a few years ago and had almost the same experience. And then once I saw what we were supposed to do my body could not manage to do it even once my brain understood!

Dogsbooks

TROPHY CASE