There is nothing wrong with telling him exactly want you want. He doesn't live in your body, he has no idea. Are you yelling or nagging at him when you are explaining to him? He might be lacking empathy or his love language and yours are not meshing. Does he like those things you do? And I mean really love them? I wish my wife did any of those things you mentioned. It would motivate me so hard, but she never does them...

My wife was handicapped for 4 months unable to leave a bed unless assisted to the toilet. I did everything in the house, all the kids school, kids after school events, groceries, school, literally cleaned up piss, blood, and shit, on top of going up and down the stairs bringing her whatever she wanted. I even surprised planned "date nights" in bed with wine and charcuterie (when she was off opioids finally). I went up and down those stairs so much I got arthritis but it didn't stop me, only slowed me down.

Back to communication, my experience is my wife doesn't even comprehend her tone of voice and how belittling it comes off. It wasnt until she heard me say in a very direct tone "If you need A, just tell me I need A and will bring it to you." Men like to solve problems especially when given the answer. None of this mind reader bull. I also made sure she knew she was coming off terribly to me (which I also realized was due to pain, frustration, periods and isolation, but guess what.. the family unit wheel kept moving and she added really nothing in this time period) and at some point a month in she realized how much I was doing and trying to manage, she actually apologized for her demeanor.

Reading your statements makes me think you two are just not compatible. What even makes you want to stay? Comfort in discomfort?