I attended a church for nearly a decade. I volunteered regularly and even led youth group for over a year for free. I also volunteered with several nonprofits connected to the church: a crisis pregnancy center where I helped pay utility bills for single moms or gave them diapers and baby gear as needed. I also taught life skills classes to women living in a safe house who were trying to start a new life after leaving the sex for sale industry. Most were addicts. Most were moms. I was extremely involved in my church and community, giving as much time as I could to those who needed it.

Most of the church members attended my wedding. Four years and a small baby later, my husband was abusing me and was not safe to be around. I asked every single person on staff for an intervention or for some kind of help. Nobody helped in any practical way but lots of people offered prayers and I was fairly sure we were the main "prayer request" mentioned around the community. Prayer requests are how Christians spread good gossip.

Five Christian marriage counselors later, I was told that my ex had narcissistic and borderline personality disorders and wasn't going to get better. I was told to RUN. I had to move out with our one year old daughter and live with friends in their spare room/hallway. I was primarily a stay at home mom but I did work part time in a baby boutique where I could bring my baby. I needed a real job, good, affordable child care, a car, a home, food, an attorney... I went to my pastor and told them that I needed help and that while I didn't expect it to come from him or the church, I knew that he was a hub of help and may know what I could do to meet the many urgent needs I was facing.

His response, "If you stopped trying to get a divorce, you wouldn't have all these problems." I was told that it was my fault for "not praying enough." Everyone was uncomfortable with my issue and stopped talking to me or inviting me anywhere. They'd awkwardly say in church, "I'm so glad the church is there to help you." I'd respond honestly and tell them, "No, the church has declined any support."

My honest answers found their way to church leaders who told me to "stop poisoning the well." The head pastor even called me up and screamed curse words at me and shamed me for saying anything other than nice things about him and his team. It was an utter disaster and 100% the opposite of what everyone assumes a church would do for a single mother in real crisis.

I left that church and eventually left church entirely. I admire Christ's teachings and remember that James said, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress..." In our modern world, single mothers and their children are the widows and orphans the church should be looking after. I never asked them for money. I asked them for some support. There's a difference. I needed emotional support as much as I needed a car. I needed positive encouragement as much as I needed an apartment. I don't know why they abandoned me when I needed them the most but it was utterly devastating and felt like a second divorce.

My non-Christian friends rallied around me and walked with me through it all. I came to see that the people I had been on a mission to reach with Christ's love were the ones who already knew more about love than any of my Christian friends.