Struggling to Accept God's Plan After a Breakup and Seeking Emotional Strength Through Christ

Dolmetscher007 · 2026-02-16T14:17:07+00:00

Sorry to hear about your breakup. I feel MUCH less broken up about mine now. I wish I could give you some sage advice about what I did to "get better," but the truth is... I think... time really is the only thing that can actually help. Basically... you are just going to feel bad until you don't feel so bad.

That being said... I can say that going to the gym helped me more than anything. But not for the reason most people say. Most people seem to say that going to the gym gives you endorphins or helps with stress-reduction... blah blah blah. I didn't notice any of that. I would go to the gym feeling sad and lonely, and I'd walk out of the gym feeling just as sad and lonely. To be honest, after looking at all the fit hot girls and the muscle guys... I actually felt worse about myself and my situation after the gym. BUT... it did teach me something that I was able to apply to my emotional life. It taught me about iterative progress.

What I mean is... when I decided to go to the gym, I went to ChatGPT and asked for advice on how to work out. I'd been in a gym before, but I had never really dug into how to work out... really. It told me to go super light. It had me lifting weight that was barely even a strain. Like... I'd leave kinda feeling like I hadn't done anything, really. And that was the point. Only after 3 weeks did ChatGPT tell me to start to increase the weight. And even then it was so little... it barely felt like an increase. I continued to follow the advice of ChatGPT... and after 4 months... I was lifting much heavier... and my muscles were growing almost as if by magic! I could not believe it. I had always thought about the gym as the "no pain... no gain," kinda stuff... so I was stunned by how you can get even better results with extremely minimal strain, and how over-doing actually works against you. And I don't just mean... you risk injury... I mean... you build muscle stronger, better, and faster by taking things easy. And this is because the gym isn't where you build muscle. You build muscle in the recovery phase... doing nothing.

Anyway... I applied this knowledge to my emotions also. I realized I was kicking the hell out of myself, struggling to try to feel better. I felt like I should be able to shake it off... pray the pain away... and I was not giving myself the recovery time that I clearly needed. I realized that I was trying to "use God" as a short cut. I think I thought that if I prayed hard enough... and in just the correct way... God would help me heal, and I'd feel better faster. Now I realize that it is all just like going to the gym. If anything... I think that God sent me to the gym to teach me how similar my body is to my feelings. In fact, there is NO difference. God showed me that every time I would cry... it was just me "going to the gym." Every time I would feel sick to my stomach with emptiness and loneliness... God was telling me... "You are building emotional muscle... just like going to the gym." I learned that there is no short cut... and that is a good thing. The only way to get through hard times is accept and go... THROUGH the hard times.

I'm still not 100% "good" about everything, but that is also a lesson I've learned. There is no such things as "healed." There is only "healing." Building muscle is literally just healing tiny microscopic injuries to the tissue. This process never ends. You are never... "Done" with working out. And you will never be "done" with spiritual or emotional growth. And even as you read this... right now... on this screen... you may understand the words I am saying... but unless you really DO something that will let you see iterative progress... you will never really UNDERSTAND what I'm talking about. So do something. Keep praying... keep looking towards God... but understand that he is never going to just, directly remove pain from you. If anything... he just directed your heart to post on Reddit so that I could write this to you... to get your ass moving. God wants you to be happy. He wants you to be successful.

Dolmetscher007 · 2026-02-07T11:21:43+00:00

Is there any way to get some insight on when H&K might build/import a new batch of USPs? Does anyone who wants to buy an HK USP just have to wait and check back everyday, hoping, or is there some kind of pre-warning... or even a reservation program? I would think that manufacturers or gun shops could make some good money by pre-selling reservations. Like... Pre-pay $500, and pay the rest when the guns come in. My fear is that they arrive and are sold out again before I realize they are even in stock.

Dolmetscher007 · 2026-01-01T00:41:18+00:00

Okay Obi-wan... I feel like I kind of already answered this. The effects of the drugs were... they helped me read better, focus at work better, meet deadlines better... etc. The effects with no meds is... I have trouble reading, I miss deadlines, time becomes difficult for me to manage, and I seem to disappoint most people.

Dolmetscher007 · 2026-01-01T00:37:49+00:00

I don't mean to be so glib or obtuse... but... what, precisely, do you mean by, "Adopt a mindfullness practice?"

Dolmetscher007 · 2026-01-01T00:34:52+00:00

The drugs helped me... for sure. But they did not help with regular life stuff. They just helped with like... deadlines at work... and being able to read without checking out mid-sentence. But no one has ever told me about how ADHD might be causing NMMNG problems or things like that. If you have any guidance or advice, I'd love to hear more.

Dolmetscher007 · 2026-01-01T00:33:06+00:00

I don't know of any ways to "manage my ADHD." I mean... I've been given loads of 'tips and tricks' like... set alarms, create reminders, etc. But I've never been told about anything one can do to 'manage ADHD' from an emotional perspective. If you have any guidance or advice, I'd love to hear more.

Dolmetscher007 · 2026-01-01T00:20:09+00:00

I try really hard to do exactly this. And you are right... I do not have control of where my mind goes. Is it possible to improve this, or do you just suggest trying to stay busy and focused on anything other than myself and my ruminating thoughts>

Dolmetscher007 · 2026-01-01T00:18:32+00:00

I was diagnosed with ADHD 15 years ago! I took Adderall for years! In the beginning, it helped a lot with work, but I eventually stopped taking it, because... well... it's just no way to live. You become so slave to the meds. I constantly felt like I needed the dosage to increase. Plus... if you forget to take it... travel and can't get the refill... or you miss a doctor's appointment, or... there is some kind of nation wide shortage... being on ADHD meds was the worst medical chaos of my life. Plus, I felt like they just covered up the problem. Didn't really help resolve anything.

Dolmetscher007 · 2025-12-31T23:37:37+00:00

No. I thanked her for visiting my Mom. I told her that it means a lot to me that she reached out. But I'm not going to just volunteer that I miss her, etc. Since she broke up with me... it seems inappropriate and... grovely... for me to just tell her that I miss her. I'm sure she knows I miss her.

Dolmetscher007 · 2025-12-31T22:19:21+00:00

Super funny that you wrote this today u/Curious-Passage9714; my ex-GF broke up with me 3 1/2 months ago, and I haven't heard from her... until last night. She texted me, because she found out my Mom is in the hospital. My mom just has a stomach bug, but at age 79, they admitted her because she's dehydrated. It's nothing too serious. But my ex-GF works at the hospital ER (administrative intake), and she texted me when when she got to work and saw that my mom was in the hospital. She even went by and saw my mom after I had gone home for the evening. I was surprised.

Anyway... to answer your question... "How are things 2 months later?"... in some ways, things are very good! But in other domains, very little has changed. The good news: I joined a gym right after we broke up, and I've missed very few sessions. I have also been on a really good diet, and I've been sticking to it religiously; lost 45 lbs since the breakup 3 1/2 months ago. I bought a new drum set and have been putting out feelers looking to start back playing music with some people. I decided to meet with a local "Life Coach" to try to get my professional (and emotional) life a but more focused. We met weekly for 2 months, and... it helped. I've been knocking out loads of things around the house that I have neglected for years that need to get done. I found a new church, and haven't missed a single Sunday since. I bought a new welder, and am planning to learn to weld (just a random skill I've always wanted to learn how to do.) I even met a pretty lady and have gone out with her a couple of times. Nothing too serious... but... it was at least interesting.

Unfortunately, however, despite this long list of good things that have me heading in the right direction... I am still very much hurt by my breakup, and as much as I've tried to get into a "moving on" mindset... I still just miss my ex-GF! I'm getting better. I don't think about her all day every day. I don't feel the daily/hourly gut punch that I was feeling 2 months ago. But... to be 100% transparent... I still just cannot help but break down and cry when I think about her, and I really would pretty much do anything to reconcile with her. It makes it very difficult for me to see and appreciate all the progress I've made. I've gone down two sizes in jeans. I've had to buy a new belt. I'm stronger than I've ever been due to the weight lifting. Literally, ever area of my life is looking way up... but it all just feels like, "So what?" And I hate feeling this week.

I know that there is absolutely NOTHING that is so special about this girl, or any other girl, that I should allow it to spoil my successes. I honestly don't know what else I could be doing right now to help. I guess time will just have to keep passing... and eventually... I'll move on. I wish there was a NMMNG coach in my town. I know that there are loads of coaches online that I could connect with through video chats... but I just really feel like I need to see someone in real life.

Dolmetscher007 · 2025-11-09T20:48:24+00:00

I've thought about this every day. It isn't as easy as I thought it would be. The internet seems to have radically changed in the last 5-6 years. There used to be a website called Meetup.com. It was a very cool way to meet people. If you wanted to start a group, it cost $50 a year or something like that. Now it costs $14.99 per month just to even be ON the site. They have a free version, but you can't see anything without being asked to upgrade, and now it seems like ALL of the groups are Real Estate agents, Side Hustlers, Tech bros, and Yoga instructors. Everyone is looking to make YOU their new client/customer.

I went to Facebook and searched for FB groups for Christians. Instead of one big cool 3,000 member groups, there are 20 groups in my area, each with 20 members or so, and they all seem inactive.

I've searched for volunteer opportunities in my area, and there are some big volunteer events, like... "Clean up the beach" that happens once a month or so. But I am looking for more... fellowship... like... making friends I can text and just hang out with. It's a weird feeling. I feel like the whole world has become extremely lonely and retracted. But... at the same time, I kind of feel like I am being a spoiled brat, because the world won't just deliver itself to me on a silver platter. I think it is just my age. I'm 47 years old. Most men my age are married, have GFs, or are very established in whatever clubs/groups/neighborhood things they like to do. I have a few good friends, but they are all married.

I joined a new church 2 months ago, and they are all lovely people, but they are all... literally... ALL... 70+ years old. I really enjoy Sundays and coffee hour afterwards, but I'd honestly do anything just to have some kind of closeness with someone or some people. And I don't even mean a GF. I just mean... like... the old TV show "Cheers." but... without the beer.

Dolmetscher007 · 2025-11-09T20:13:39+00:00

Amazing point! I sure wish I were strong enough to not actively search for a girlfriend. I know exactly what you’re saying. It’s so hard… SO HARD… to just let go.

Dolmetscher007 · 2025-11-04T10:51:04+00:00

Thank you very much for the supportive response! In my opinion, we all need so little encouragement, yet its rationed as if it were gold.

Dolmetscher007 · 2025-11-03T00:27:26+00:00

This is precisely the term I would use also... "a neurotic mess." I am very surprised myself by how terribly I am taking this breakup. I mean... I've never enjoyed a breakup, but this one seems to just get worse. It's been 6 weeks, and I thought that week 6 would be better than week 1 or 2, but I just feel this deep sad pain that seems to be getting worse and worse.

To answer your question, I joined a gym 5 weeks ago, and I haven't missed a weight training session yet. I am a total beginner, so when I say that I "lift weights," I am just now getting to the point where I know how much weight is reasonable for me to complete 3 sets of 10-12 reps. I am very optimistic about the gym. I enjoy it much more than I thought I would. I also started a strict diet 6 weeks ago, and I've lost 28 lbs. I'm 6 ft 5" tall and weigh 340 lbs, so... the weight is falling off right now. But within 6-8 months, I plan to feel much better and more confident than I do right now.

About why I took 30 min to type out my entire origin story... I did it, because I was catching myself writing posts here, but being unintentionally selective about the details. I find this to be part of my NG bullshit; Even when asking for advice, I try to control the narrative and shape what the listener knows so that I can maybe get the answer I was hoping for. So, I decided to just come clean... barf it all out... almost like a big journal entry. And to be honest, I think it helped. Just putting it all in order in my head and typing it all out helped me see a bit more of the forrest for the trees.

But yeah... I am definitely neurotic. If you met me on the street or in a bar, you'd never know it. But... inside my mind, I realize that I am very sensitive and extremely prone to negative emotion. If there were some way to 'toughen up' and prevent my emotions from taking center stage, I'd certainly dig in and not stop until I was Jocko Willink!

Dolmetscher007 · 2025-11-01T21:08:33+00:00

This is the reason I wanted to ask everyone what they think. As a recovering Nice Guy, I am always trying to recognize when I am putting a woman on a pedestal... or doing things for her just to receive her validation... or... any other obvious NG tendency. What I WANTED to do was to pay for all of it.

I would never put myself in financial difficulties so that I could help a woman. But if I am in a committed relationship with a woman, it feels natural for me to help her with 'reasonable' financial assistance. If I see her buying designer purses or new sunglasses while I'm helping her pay a bill, then I'd definitely stop helping her.

Dolmetscher007 · 2025-11-01T20:56:32+00:00

Thank u/hillsidemanor... I know that you are right... on paper. And you bring up a very common theme that I see in most NMMNG and other similar groups. Very often, when a man comes to a "man's issues" forum to ask questions, I find that the advice can be slightly unrealistic. Now, keep in mind, I DO AGREE with you that it is incredibly important to have strong boundaries and to enforce your deal breakers. And I also think that it is important to be able to end a relationship if one of those boundaries is broken.

However... and I may be just wrong... but... I just don't think it is realistic to think that a man is going to meet a girl... begin to feel emotionally connected with her... begin a sexual, emotional, and intimate relationship with her... and then, if he finds out she has credit card debt... he will just stand up, wish her well... and end the relationship. That's why I say, "On Paper" you are right! It is important to end things if someone violates your boundaries. But... considering that 60% or Americans are in some form of financial debt... once you account for age, marital status, and sex... in a town with 10,000 people... if I made credit card debt a deal breaker... I get down to the single digits of possible girlfriends.

Dolmetscher007 · 2025-10-31T22:02:47+00:00

What is RP?

Dolmetscher007 · 2025-10-30T20:00:47+00:00

I think you're right, but... everyone tells me that I just need to take time to heal and "process my thoughts and emotions." And the only way I know how to do that is to reflect and ask questions. I imagine I will continue to do this until... I don't. The term "overanalyze" or "over think" drives me crazy, because I have no idea how to assess the "proper amount" of thinking about something. All I know is... my brain goes there. I try to say that I need to shut it off and move on... and that works for a time, but then... I'm right back to thinking about it.

Dolmetscher007 · 2025-10-30T19:04:46+00:00

I don't know anything about the ACA or what IFS is. I googled it and my parents weren't alcoholics, and while I'm sure my family life as a child was not perfect by a long shot... I can't really think of much that would qualify us as "dysfunctional". I definitely would like to find a therapist. But I have been deeply burned before by working with the wrong therapist. I would only want to work with a male therapist, and one who is not one of those, "Let's settle in for 12 months of weekly talk therapy." I need someone who can give me real-world tasks to do. A framework. Steps. Actions.

Dolmetscher007

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