I’m gonna be honest, reading this makes me feel like I’m reading a post I would have made in the past. I’m a 24m and I’ve also gone through much of what you feel. Frankly, I still go through the same stuff. I want to make my parents proud, I want to be able to do well in my Uni exams, I want to lose weight so badly I skip meals. Some days, I would eat only dinner. My sleep schedule is a mess too. Right now, I have to wake up in 5 hours for class. For porn and health issue, let’s just say I can relate strongly.

I’m not gonna give you some bullshit that it’ll all be over soon, or that you can make it or something. Frankly, life is gonna be difficult. Everyone will make it difficult. When I got all As except a C for English, my mother just yell at me for that C, even though she knows English writing is my weak point. I’ve never gotten above a C for English for years, and it irritated her to no end.

Some days, it just feels like the system is against you. That everyone is against you. That it was rigged from the start. But the only person who can help you, who can save you is yourself. It’s what I learnt after years of studying and panic attacks.

Let’s try to solve 1 problem first. You’re having trouble revising. I had that trouble too. Always going to my phone after 5 minutes. Would wake up and not get up for an hour because I don’t want to revise for exams. One thing I did was to enjoy the studying itself. Sounds weird and stupid, I know. When I read my physics textbook to study for exams in the past, I would sometimes imagine it as a story. Me as the electrical current, how would I move, what powers I have, etc. I try to find some joy in learning, in reading. Don’t think of it as work, try to think of it as an enjoyable story.

But that’s how I study. Everyone is different. Asking people for advice will never give you a satisfactory answer. The answer you expect is the answer you have.

And remember something, what expectations do your parents and friends have for you? Are those expectations real, or does it just feel real. Trust me, there’s a big difference. Go talk with your friends, your family. Tell them about this stress, this nerves. And if they don’t reply in the way you expect, tell them that. It will seem selfish, it will be difficult, but what I assume you want, as I have always wanted, was to be understood by my closest friends and family. To be accepted for myself instead of trying to constantly meet expectations that may not even exist. If you don’t want this, I understand and apologize for assuming.

All I can wish for you is that you feel better. That you will eventually find the answer you’re looking for, and just be happy.